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Heipä hei!

My name is Tuula Salonen.On this page I shall tell you about my hobbies and inner life...not. Instead I shall tell you Radio Yerevan -jokes. And other jokes from those bad old times of cold war... To those who maybe visiting my page again: I will add stuff, soon, I promise (it's in the next 5-year plan anyway) If you hear or remember a good joke, send it to me! If you remember a bad one, write it here...




radio yerevan Q&A:


We all remember the ever so popular question-and-answer hour of Radio Yerevan. Unfortunately they closed long before the collapse of the Soviet Union, when they were finally faced with a question they could not answer: "If the capitalist world is so rotten, corrupt and ready to collapse at any moment, why do we have to reach it's level within the next five years?"


Here are some questions they did answer:

We have been asked what to do if USA hits us with nuclear missiles. We answer: "Everybody must put on white shrouds and creep towards the nearest cemetary, very slowly."

We were then asked "Why very slowly?" We answer: "To avoid panic."

We were asked how do you know a death certificate has been made out by a Soviet doctor? We answer:"The signature is under 'cause of death'".

We were sent a question by someone who has obviously been watching foreign TV - "Why, in capitalist countries, there is always two police officers together on patrol?" - but we still answered: "Because one can read and the other one can write." We were later asked: "Why then here in the Soviet there is always three policemen together?" We answer: "One can read, the other one can count, and the third one keeps an eye on these two suspicious intellectuals."

A listener asked:"What actually is socialism?" We answer: "Socialism is the process of creating ever greater and greater problems, that all are infinitely easy to overcome."

A listener has asked: "what is chaos?" we answer: "We do not comment on national economics."

We were asked:"Who were the first communists ?" and we answered:"Adam and Eve." Why? "Well, they had no clothes, no house and only one apple to eat - and they believed they lived in Paradise!"

We have been asked what is the greatest city in the world, and after considerable research we can now confidently say it is Yerevan.

Another listener asked, if it is true that a single nuclear warhead could destroy all of Yerevan? We answer:" Well, Tbilisi is also a REALLY nice city."

A listener asked: We have heard about Cognac. What is it? We reply: It is luxurious drink enjoeyd by the people through their official representatives.

An anxious listener has asked if there will be another big war. We answer: No, but there will be such a battle for peace that nothing will be left standing.

We were asked: "Is it true that M. Gorki was a homosexual?" We answer; "yes, but it is not the only reason why we love him so."

A listener wants to know: "Is it true what I heard, that in Leningrad they are giving people cars?" We answer: "You are quite right, comrade, except it is not in Leningrad, it is in Moscow, it is not cars, it is bicycles, and they are not given to people, but stolen from them."



Mikhail Gorbachov had been visiting Berlin, and was returning home with his wife in a train, that had it's windows covered for security reasons. Gorbachov was dozing, Raisa, his wife was knitting. The train stops and she says: "Mishka darling, I wish I knew where we are now!" Gorbachov answeres: "No problem, dear, let me check", opens the window a fraction and puts his hand out. There is cheering and somebody kisses his hand. "We are still in GDR, honey." The trains goes on a fair while without stopping, but when it does, Raisa puts down her knitting and asks "Could you find out where we are now? Is it long before we are home?" "Sure thing", says Gorby and puts his hand out the window. There are angry shouts and somebody spits on his hand. "Not long now, Raisa darling, we are already in Poland!" The couple sleep for a while, and are awoken by the train stopping again. "Mishka dear, would you...?" "Yes, of course, honey." He puts his hand out and without delay somebody steals his watch. "Take your bags Raisa! We are home!"

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