Kids!

Learn Football the David Batty way!

Lesson One:

Kick.  Run.  Foul.

Repeat.


How many Manchester Utd. fans does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change the bulb, one to buy the "1997 lightbulb changing" commemorative T-shirt and video, and one to drive the other two back to Torquay.

What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs?
They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.

Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
They had pictures of Manchester United Players on them ... and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

How many Man. Utd. fans does it take to change a light bulb?
540,001. That's one to change it, 40,000 to say they've been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit! In fact, it could be argued 540,002, as someone will have to compare the light bulb to George Best.

Unconfirmed reports from The Swamp suggest that Manchester United will be releasing a new record at the end of the week, "I'm forever blowing Doubles"!