4.11.03
Oh.
My.
God.
Cable modems KICK ASS. I don't see why everyone doesn't have these, they TOTALLY kick the ass of dial-up. Oh, I forgot to mention in the last entry we also got a new computer and it kicks ass as well. On our old computer, a 3 meg file, say, would take about half-an-hour to download. I downloaded a three-and-a-half meg file yesterday--thirty seconds. Ahh. Lovely.
*does the "we have a cable modem" dance*
4.09.03
I haven't been able to get online very much, hence the lack of updates. BUT!!! Tomorrow we're FINALLY getting a cable modem!! Yes!!! [does the "we're getting a cable modem" dance] We also got a new computer as well (although the one I'm using right now is the old one), and it's totally awesome. So that's really all I wanted to say today, because I'm really, really sleepy 'cause I haven't quite got used to daylight savings time yet, and I only had one cup of coffee this morning. I would have had two but I ran out of hazelnut stuff.
3.31.03
I deleted all those goddamn German spam messages from my guestbook. I also banned their IPs from ever signing again so hopefully I won't have to put up with that shit anymore. If anyone out there gets messages in their guestbook from people with names like Vershcinnglaggënheimen Krankervershingläkken or something it is SPAM. Here are the IPs they originate from: 217.228.73.140 217.228.69.186 217.228.75.221 80.135.252.107 212.78.101.170 80.135.251.237 217.228.73.96 217.228.68.61 217.228.71.97
If you recieve any messages from those IPs, delete them and block them as well.
Current Favorite Song: Audioslave, "Like a Stone" (which they just finished playing on the radio as I type this)
"On my deathbed ~ I will pray to the gods and the angels ~ Like a pagan ~ To anyone who will take me to heaven," --Audioslave, "Like a Stone"
3.30.03
I have a great idea for a movie. It's called "Attack of the Perfume-Spraying Meier and Frank Sales Associate." I think the title pretty much gives away the whole story, though.
I still want my very own pet sea anemone. I'd make people touch it. "No, go ahead. Stick your finger down into that hole there ... don't worry, that doesn't lead to their stomach or anything ... oh, wow. I bet you're going to miss your finger."
Speaking of touching cold slimy things, I want a pool with seaweed growing on the bottom. People would swim in it and the seaweed would wrap around their legs and they'd get all panicky. That would rule. Nothing is quite as icky and horrible as seaweed wrapping around one's leg, and nothing is quite as funny as watching people scream bloody murder and thrash around because they touched a piece of aquatic plant life.
Speaking of seaweed, bull-whip seaweed--that kind that's really, really long like a whip and has that bulbous thingy on the end--totally rocks.
I forgot to mention yesterday that while in the hotel we were staying at, I threw some bread out the window for the seagulls. They flocked around and I wondered if they would take it out of my hand if I held it out far enough. So I held my hand out the window with some bread in it and one of the gulls inched its way toward me--it was flying--and snatched the bread RIGHT OUT OF MY HAND. That was the awesomest thing EVER. But the second time I did it, the bread was a little too small, and the seagull was a bit overzealous, and I got nipped. It didn't hurt too badly, though--it was just a little surprising. It didn't hurt NEARLY as bad as when our stupid cockatoo bit me.
3.29.03
Well, I'm back from vacation. No, really, I did go on vacation. If you can call a visit to a cold, wet beach a "vacation."
Last Wednesday (the 26th) was my birthday. I had forgotten to pack something "nice" to wear out to dinner so my brother, my mom and I went to the factory outlet stores at the beach to pick something out. I think I got done in about ten minutes. I hate clothes shopping so much that I try to get it done and over with as soon as possible. I shop like a guy--go in, get what I want, leave. Except in bookstores. I can spend HOURS in bookstores. Do not ever accompany me to a bookstore; you will be very very sorry. "You've been here three hours already! Aren't you done yet?" "I'm only in the Brontës, goddammit!"
On Thursday, we drove to Newport (we were staying in Lincoln City; guess I should have said that ^_^) to the ... what's-it-called ... that aquarium where Keiko (Free Willy) used to be. I can't remember the name of it. That place is so awesome. I always totally dig the touch pool. Only with me it's more like "touch-and-scream-at-cold-slimy-thing" pool. The side of a sea anemone feels kind of like a slug. Ick. But now I want my very own pet sea anemone!!! I'd name it Eminemone.
Either on the way to the aquarium or on the way back we stopped at the Yaquina Bay lighthouse, because my mom was like "I've never seen a lighthouse." There was a spiral staircase leading up to the top with 106 steps. And in a moment of sheer brilliance, I decided to climb. Okay. I don't know if any of you have entertained the idea of climbing up 106 steps--yeah. DON'T. Just--DON'T. My legs are STILL hurting. I can barely walk and I don't want to see another staircase as long as I live. Unfortunately, our house has two of them...
"Dissent's not treason but they talk like it's the same," --Sleater-Kinney, "Combat Rock"
3.19.03
OH MY GOD. A one-day lapse between updates. Call the newspapers. Maybe they'll announce it on the front page. (Can't you just smell the sarcasm?... Mmm ... smells like chicken.)
I'm bored. I think I'll sing the I'm So Fucking Bored Song, Version 2.0: "I'm bored ~ I'm so fucking bored ~ It would be impossible to be ~ Any more bored than me ~ La la la dee dee ...."
Canker Sore Update, As if Anyone Actually Fucking Cared: Almost gone. Can finally EAT!!! Hooray! Hooray! "I'm so hungry I could eat a whole zebra." Still can't laugh without searing pain in lip. Still keep licking the damned thing.
Speaking of laughing, here's a weird/cool/funny/disgusting/odd (pick an adjective--they pretty much all fit) website mentioned yesterday on the Gustav and Daria show on NRK: Ewwww....
3.18.03
I'm watching "Reality Bites" right now. Guess why. Actually I don't own it; it's the "sanitized for your protection" version on the USA network.
Dammit, dammit, dammit!!! Yesterday was my best-friend-from-highschool Aimee's birthday. I didn't forget, I just didn't go online for very long yesterday. So wherever you are, AimeeAimeeDragonfly, happy (late) birthday!!
Oooh.... Neaney dancing in a gas station!!! Price-fucking-less!! ^_^v (that's a little dude giving the peace sign)
Quote of the Day: "'Wow,' I said. 'Wow,' being the abbreviation for 'Well, I shall have to kill you now,' for though I think physical competition between women is grotesque, I have to modify that belief when it comes to tiny, tapered waistlines and six-packed abs on someone MY EXACT AGE who did not used to be so bellied. I could not stomach that stomach." --Daria O'Neill, on an adversary who'd said she just lost "a ton of weight;" from one of the entertainment guides
3.14.03
I have a goddamn fucking canker sore. God almighty I hate these things. I got it yesterday, so huzzah huzzah, at least six more days of stinging torture. I got some stuff called Orabase, which doesn't work worth shit. It's in sort of a pasty form, not the gel kind which I like. It stays on the sore for about a total of three point seven seconds, give or take a tenth of a second. But that may be because I keep licking the damned thing.
Um.................Why did a bunch of Germans (or maybe Austrians, Danes, whatever) sign my guestbook??? Quoting Lore Sjöberg: "Weird. Eerie." I mean I don't really have anything against a bunch of Germans signing my guestbook but I'm just wondering how they found out about this site... I wonder if they had to do that "Translate this page" thingy you see on Google sometimes when you click on a foreign site. But maybe not because all the gb entries except one are in English.
Quote of the Day: "I like rice. Rice is good when you're hungry and you want 2000 of something." --Mitch Hedberg
3.11.03
God dammit, I haven't updated this site in forever. I'm getting pretty lax about updating anyway... nothing HAPPENS to me. I think I'll transcribe some more of Daria's Local Entertainment Guides. This is coming along really, really slowly, if you haven't noticed.
From the Please Kill Me Now! Quickly! Dept: Shittie and the Blowfucks have a new CD coming out. Why?! Why?!! If there was a just and loving god he would not allow this to happen!!!!
Speaking of crap-assed bands, I was on snopes.com, in the Inboxer Rebellion/Hoaxes section, and I read something like "Dave Matthews is dead." AND IT WASN'T TRUE, DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!!!!!! I HATE DAVE MATTHEWS!!! Dude. Okay. Creed, Hootie and Dave Matthews should all get into an airplane and run out of fuel at 35,000 feet. Heh heh. Ha ha ha! MUAAAA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!
*drinks a cup of sanity*
3.02.03
I had a weird dream last night. It involved two of my arch-enemies from school, Jacob E. and Jacob G. I was somewhere, I don't remember where, and Jacob G. comes sauntering up to me and is all "Hey, how are ya?" I'm a little perplexed, as I hate this boy and he hates me with the blackest hatred imaginable. No, wait, second-blackest. Explanation later. Anywhoozle, he's all trying to get me to talk to him, and I finally relent, after quasi-quoting a line from one of Daria's local entertainment guides: "It's wrong to upset the precarious balance of the universe by pretending to be good friends when you never liked each other." I don't remember what happened between then and the next part of the dream, which involved Jacob E. HE'S the one I hate with the blackest hatred imaginable. Anywhoozle, Jacob E. grabbed my by the arm and dragged me around what looked like a highschool. It wasn't MY highschool, but whatever. He was dragging me around, and I had to get away. I ripped my necklace off--although it looked different from the one I wear in real life and NEVER take off, thank you very much. I used it as a whip of sorts and kept hitting his face with it. He backed off, and then there came a crowd of nondescript Dream-People. I tried to blend in with the crowd, and I finally managed to avoid him for the rest of the dream, I think. The rest of the dream involved a Christmas tree that the lights turned on row by row, bottom to top. If you let the top lights light up, either a volcano would erupt or there would be an explosion, I forget which. Preventing the top lights from lighting up involved pulling a chain, which unlit all but the bottom lights. But the lights lit up faster and faster until finally the chain had to be pulled without stopping. I can't tell you if the volcano erupted or if there was an explosion, as I was suddenly transported to something like a campground. I was at a picnic table with two other boys--not Jacob E. or Jacob G.--and the ground was sand, and there was a fire in the sand, and small licks of flame were leaping (there's no other word to describe it) onto a tree. But I don't think the tree burned. It was also nighttime. And THEN it was Thanksgiving or Christmas, one of those huge-meal holidays. I had to set the table and there was food on the table, even though we wouldn't be eating for several hours. I don't really remember the rest, but it involved a closed mall I was still in and not eating my portion of the Thanksgiving/Christmas meal.
2.28.03
Goddammit. I wish I had something RELEVANT to say but I don't. So you're screwed for another... um, well, however many days I feel like being lazy and not updating.
2.25.03
From the Prepare to be Very Frightened Dept.:
So this morning I was listening to the radio, although I don't know why I just said that because that's not really relevant to this. But the radio was going on in the background. Anywhoozle, this was my entire train of thought for about 15-20 minutes at around 8:30 or so: "If spider silk is stronger than steel drawn out to the same diameter, and Superman is the Man of Steel, does that mean Spider-Man could take him? ... Yeah, Spider-Man COULD totally beat the crap out of Superman. ... What about Aqua Man? Ha! Aqua Man would get snapped like a twig in the first round, because Aqua Man sucks. Wonder Woman, I dunno. I mean she could probably crash her plane into everyone, and who'd see that coming? I mean besides the fact that SHE is not invisible while flying the damned thing. Green Lantern, oh please. You throw a goddamned lemon at Green Lantern and he's fuckin' incapacitated. I wonder what happens to that guy if he sees a Slippery When Wet sign. But yeah, Spider-Man could totally take Superman...." etc., etc.
I'm soooooooooooo bored....
2.24.03
Last Thursday, on the radio, Gustav and Daria were talking about what makes women hot. Only men were calling in (gee, how do you not see that coming?) and Daria was saying "How come there aren't any women calling in?" So on a whim, I sent in (yet another) email to Daria listing the women that I wouldn't mind just looking longingly at for a while (guess who was on the top of the list? If you can't then you haven't been paying much attention), then, since the next day they were going to talk about what makes guys hot, I listed all my requirements for a hot guy. The list was long, but the basic gist of it was, if you're a skinny mophead with Weezer-glasses and a few piercings and maybe a tat or two who wears Converse and works at Hot Topic, you're hot. Daria wrote back and said it was a "fantastic" email, and could she read it over the air? I said of course, but PLEASE do it AFTER seven AM, because my alarm is set for 6:50 (or was at the time--it's now 6:45), and I wouldn't be able to hear it if she read it before then. So Friday morning, I wake up to my clock radio, which is NOT set for NRK. I forget what station it's set for but it doesn't matter because I never actually listen to that radio anyway. So after it was too late, after I'd plugged in my other radio, and turned it on, I heard "... a few are ok, no mom-in-a-heart tattoos..." and I'm thinking: "That's my email! Goddammit! I said AFTER seven!" I missed about eighty percent of it. Dammit!!
"Ma petite, comma ça va?" --Sleater-Kinney, "Milkshake 'n Honey
2.16.03
Yesterday I sold some of my old video games and bought Banjo-Kazooie. I haven't gotten very far, but it's pretty good so far. The only thing that drives me crazy is that every single time I die, I have to collect all those goddamned notes again! I was in the treasure cove level and had 94 notes (out of 100) and I died! Dammit!
Yay! Janeane's co-hosting Jimmy Kimmel Live this week! A whole week's worth of Janeane! I can't wait! But this means I'm going to miss a week's worth of Reign the Conquerer on Cartoon Network. Also Lupin the 3rd. Reign the Conquerer is ... well, to put it lightly, weird. But it's really good. If you've ever seen Aeon Flux--which I haven't--it's that kind of animation. I've only seen three episodes, but it's about Alexander the Great. But--and here's the kicker--NOBODY WEARS ANY PANTS. They DON'T. They have some sort of man-thong or something. And they all have collagen lip injections. I swear Alex the Great looks like a girl. He DOES. LOOK at him. He's all bishounen and shit. (Bishounen = "pretty boy" in Japanese. I think Justin Timberlake would be considered bishounen.) And they stab each other, quite gratuitously I might add. "Hey, Ptolemy, how are ya?" "I'd be doing better if you'd quit plunging that sword into my gut." And the blood!!! Oodles of blood! Buckets of blood! Lots and lots and lots of gratuitous corpuscle-filled liquid! Woo ha! But I really wish that SOMEONE would wear pants. Oh, and there's this creepy queen with clown makeup on. Why she has clown makeup on is beyond me. Actually, a whole shitload of pantsless-collagen-lip-injected men have clown makeup on. Maybe clown makeup was the fashion back in 300-whatever-BCE. (That extra E is NOT a typo.) Anywhoozle, if you wanna check this show out, it's on Cartoon Network Monday-Thursday at 12 midnight.
2.14.03
I hate Valentine's Day.
My life is crap.
2.07.03
I'm hungry. And I can't find the Oreos. This is not a good thing.
Speaking of Oreos, I hereby make a solemn vow that I will never do the take-apart-and-scrape-the-filling-out thing any longer. At least not with the coffee-and-cream ones. They actually taste BETTER if you don't eat the filling first! It's great!
I watched that Michael Jackson ... thing ... on 20/20 last night. Um. Could this guy possibly get any more flarky? "Flarky," by the way, is a word I made up after listening to Gustav and Daria Wednesday morning and one of them said that the word "weird" (or maybe "strange" or "freaky", I forget) didn't accurately describe MJ and that he needed his own word. "Hmm," I thought, "how about ... flarky?" It just sounds Michael-Jackson-ey. Although now I think I'll use it to describe anyone whose face looks like it was dunked in a vat of hydrochloric acid or mauled by rabid, I dunno, gophers or something. ("I was mauled by a rabid something!") Joan Rivers and Liza Minelli come to mind. Although I think Joan would best be described as überflarky.
I'm still hungry, and I still can't find the goddamn Oreos. They can't possibly all have been eaten. There was half-a-freakin'-bag last night!
Here's the transcript from "Merduck and Dorsie Don't Go to a Concert," a comic strip starring the character I created when I was a freshman in highschool, Merduck, and his not-girlfriend-exactly Dorsella (Dorsie for short). Merduck is a duck with a fishtail. Don't ask.