10.21.02
On the paper that had the picture of the dragon below, someone (either my dad or brother, I can't really tell since they have pretty much the same handwriting) had put "I VOTE JOAN" below what I'd put. I was ROTFLMGDAO. I hate, despise, loathe, abhor, detest, and can't-fucking-STAND Joan Rivers. Uggh. She's not even human. I believe and always will believe that some crazed mad scientist created her--or it--from cadaver parts and scrap metal. In the eleventh century. I can see it now: "Igor! Go down to the cemetary and the junkyard. I'm gonna build the most horrifying creature anyone has ever seen in either this world or the next! And it will never die! Haaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha!!"
Oooooh... it's a very Pearl Jam day today. So I was listening to NRK this morning (afternoon, whatthefuckever) and Jayn played the new Pearl Jam song which I absolutely positively fucking LOVE, (Jayn, you little black-haired creature, you're awesome!!!) and then she said they were gonna be on Letterman on November 14th AND 15th, so I gotta watch that, and then I took the dog out, and came back around 2, and decided to see who was gonna be on SNL on Comedy Central, and the musical guest was Pearl Jam (with Emilio Estevez hosting). And THEN I was listening to the alternative rock channel on my digital cable and heard a Pearl Jam song that I hadn't yet. I forget what it's called but I do remember it was on VS.
What the fucking hell ... I got a huge-ass bug bite on my arm... I don't think it's a spider bite, though, because spider bites are the ONLY kind of bug bites that make me itch (I don't really know why mosquitoes and fleas don't) and it's not itching, just red.
(why the fuck are they playing that stupid "come on feel the noise" song... gods I hate this song... power ballads SUCK.)
God dammit. I still don't know the correct lyrics to that new Pearl Jam song ... mayhaps I can find the goddamn things on the internet.
10.20.02
I was thinking that when I have kids, I'm gonna buy them all the cereals that my parents never bought for me when I was a kid. Like Count Chocula and Fruity Pebbles and Lucky Charms. I never got THOSE cereals. By the way, have you noticed Lucky Charms gets a new marshmallow, like, every two weeks? Pretty soon they won't even have room for the cereal bits. But no kid actually eats the cereal part of Lucky Charms anyway. I've had Lucky Charms before. The marshmallows are good, but the cereal itself reminds me of cat food. The little X's, you know? It looks like cat food.
Quote of the Day: "Are you gonna deny the son of our Lord candy?" --Daria (Not the MTV teen, but a morning DJ on 94.7 NRK), talking about Jesus' affiliation with Halloween
And Now It's Time For: The Chicken is Bored, So She's Going to Name A Bunch of Comedians That She Likes: Janeane Garofalo (that's a duh factor of about twelve on a scale of 1-10), Lewis Black, Louis CK (I keep wanting to say "one" after his name), Richard Jeni, Mario Cantone, Sabrina Matthews, Kathleen Madigan, Judy Gold, Dane Cook, Jeremy Hotz, Adam Ferrara, Greg Fitzsimmons, Dom Irerra (or however the hell you spell his goddamned name), and Brian Regan. There's probably others too but I can't think of their names right off hand. Took me ten minutes to remember Brian Regan's name. I only remembered it 'cause I was gonna write "I'm wracking my brain trying to remember the name of this one guy," and I typoed "brain" to be "brian," so I remembered it from that.
Here's a dragon I drew the other day because I was bored. If you can't read my handwriting, it says "some evil demon dragon. (either that, or it's joan rivers. I haven't decided yet.)"
Meh, no lyric today. I wanted to do the new Pearl Jam since I LOOOOOOVE that song but I don't know all the words yet.
10.17.02
I added a few more pictures to my Janeane Pics gallery, also fixed one of the links on that page.
I got pretty lachrymose last night. First I was reading "Rilla of Ingleside," which I've read about ten times, 'cause it's one of my favorite books, (it's about this girl during WWI) and last night I got to the part where [SPOILERS--highlight text to read] Walter dies in Courcelette (which ironically is not the part that makes me cry), and the next chapter is the letter he writes to Rilla, and THAT part makes me cry, especially when Rilla sacrifices Walter's last letter to Una Meredith. [/SPOILERS] Anywhoozle, it's just a really good book.
THEN I was watching All Things Rock on MTV and they played the video for the new Nirvana song, "You Know You're Right." After picking my jaw up off the floor I sat and stared, wide-eyed, and suddenly I just started crying. I still don't know if it's because I was ecstatically happy because MTV was ACTUALLY PLAYING A NIRVANA VIDEO, or if it was because I was pissed off that Kurt was dead. Anywhoozle, I wept throughout the entire video. I guess I'm just weird. Meh.
"The way I feel when you call my name ~ Makes me go crazy to sane ~ The way I feel when you're close to me ~ Finally not drifting out to sea," --Sleater-Kinney, "Oh!"
10.14.02
My mom and I got into an argument in the car today about Creed and Pearl Jam. I said I hated Creed, giving the reason I gave below to substantiate my claim, and my mom goes, "that's a stupid reason to hate someone, just because they sound like someone else..." heh.... she'll never understand... If she liked Pearl Jam she'd understand.
oh my god they're playing the strokes I love this song I love this song i love this ssssssooooOOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGG!! I FUCKING LOVE THIS SONG!!! *seat-dances with reckless abandon* (it's "someday")
Alright! I have officially crossed the obsession line for Janeane. I know this because my rule is, you are not officially obsessed with anyone unless you've had at least five dreams about them, and I had my fifth about her the other day. Granted, she was dead, but she was in it, so it counts. In order here they are, the abridged versions: 1. Me and Janeane and some blonde chick are in a parked car, talking about something; it's also nighttime 2. I see her in a grocery store--near the produce, I believe--and I go "Hey, you're Janeane Garofalo," and she goes, "I'm Janeane Garofalo," and I go (rather dryly): "I know. I just said that." 3. She's on a stage fielding questions and someone asked her why she hated Fiona Apple (remember, this is a dream) and I don't remember what she said but it had something to do with Columbus.... @_@ 4. I'm in a class with computers and she's the teacher and I'm playing some "dream Sleater-Kinney" (in quotes because I hadn't heard them before at the time, I just SAID it was SK in my dream) and she got pissed off and I'm like "But I thought you liked Sleater-Kinney!" 5. Okay, so she wasn't physically in this one, but I read in the paper that she'd died and I just went totally crazy... "she can't be dead, no, no, no, she can't be dead...." I think I cried for the duration of the dream... which I think probably crossed the line into nightmare territory... In fact it was one of those really vivid dreams so when I woke up I was almost convinced that I would read that she HAD really died so I was almost afraid to get the paper. Dreams are weird-assed like that.
if she ever reads that... highly doubtful but you never know... she's gonna think I'm fuckin' crazy... LOL
"I'd like to see them spend a week ~ Livin' life out on the street ~ I don't think they would survive ~ If they could spend a day or two ~ Walkin' in someone else's shoes ~ I think they'd stumble and they'd fall," --Good Charlotte, "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous"
10.12.02
I'm listening to the radio right now, and they're playing Stone Sour's "Bother." I really like this song. And a few minutes ago they played the new Pearl Jam. It's funny but the first two or three times I heard it--before I commited the beginning of it to memory--I kept thinking it was Creed. Gods in the sky how I hate Creed. I hate the fact that Scott "Look At Me, I'm Jesus" Stapp sounds like Eddie Vedder. [rant]ONLY EDDIE VEDDER IS ALLOWED TO SOUND LIKE EDDIE VEDDER!!! If your name is NOT Eddie Vedder you have NO business sounding like Eddie Vedder. It pisses me off immensely. Aaahhh!![/rant] So I'd turn it down and then I'd hear the chorus and I'd be like "SHIT! It's not Creed it's Pearl Jam!!!"
SCOTT STAPP'S DEATH [Scott Stapp is tied to a rope, which is subsequently tied to the landing gear of an airplane. The airplane takes off and gets to 30,000 feet, at which point the rope is cut. Scott falls, sans parachute, towards the ground. GUY ON GROUND 1 (looking up): Hey, isn't that Scott Stapp? [While GOG1 is talking, a whistling sound is heard, not unlike a cartoon "incoming bomb" sound. Scott lands with a tremendous explosive sound, making a Wile E. Coyote-esque crater in the ground.] GUY ON GROUND 2 (peering into crater): Well, it ... was Scott Stapp.
I love that song by Good Charlotte, "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous." I swear I get this huge-ass grin on my face whenever I hear it. It's just so cool and funny.
I have two new favorite songs, only because I can't decide on only one. The new Nirvana one, "You Know You're Right," and the Strokes' "Someday."
sooo ... sleepy....
10.10.02
God fucking dammit. Yesterday was PJ Harvey's birthday and I didn't even go online yesterday. Fuckness. Oh well. Anywhoozle, happy (belated) birthday PJ Harvey!! yaaayy. Now go buy To Bring You My Love. It's like the greatest CD EVER.
Japanese Lesson of the Day: Kusotare (koo-so-ta-rle*) = Asshole. *Combine the r & l sounds, kinda. Like kinda roll your tongue as if you were faking a Scottish accent but only do it once, (i.e. no multiple rolls) so it'll sound a bit like "kusotahday," but don't quite make a D sound. I hope that wasn't too confusing.
Japanese Lesson of the Day 2: Bakayore! = You idiot! (Baka = idiot, stupid) So ... "Kusotare no baka" would be "Stupid asshole!"
I watch Dragon Ball Z, (yes, I know, but hey, one of my friends got me into it and I got hooked) and today's eppy was really sad. Ok, if you don't watch it, there's this one dude, Majin Buu (pronounced boo) who was told by his creator and master, Bibidi and Babidi, respectfully (get it? Bibidi ... Babidi ... Buu!), to kill people and destroy cities. So, because he always just did what he was told, Buu did just that. Well, fast-forwarding a bit, Buu kills Babidi, so now Buu can do whatever he wants. The people of Earth are trying to find a way to completely destroy Majin Buu, because he's nearly invincible. If he gets blown into pieces, even, the pieces come together and he can rebuild himself. Anywhoozle, in this episode, Mr Satan, this really arrogant fighting dude, whom I really can't stand (he's called Hercule in the dub), manages to make friends with Majin Buu. Buu flies off to kill more people and soon comes back with a sick-looking puppy in his arms. Buu is curious as to why the puppy didn't run away scared when he saw Buu. Satan says it's because the puppy's leg is hurt. So Buu heals the puppy with his powers and begins to play with him. He names the puppy Bee. Buu tries to give the puppy chocolate, but Satan says he needs dog food. So Satan says he's going to the store ... but he's really going to utilize the remote control for the dynamite he'd previously planted in Buu's house, to blow him up. But through his telescope, he sees Buu and Bee playing, and reconsiders. He comes back with dog food and gives Bee some. (Buu eats some too but doesn't like it.) Satan asks Buu why he kills people. Buu says it's because Bibidi and Babidi told him to do it, and it's fun. Satan says that killing people is wrong, so Buu says he won't do it anymore. Meanwhile, these two gunmen are planning to get rid of Majin Buu themselves, so they go to his house (Majin Buu made an odd-shaped house out of humans turned into clay) and are on a cliff overlooking his abode, and then they shoot the puppy!! They killed the puppy!! I hate them! They killed Bee!! Anywhoozle, Buu gets REALLY pissed off, and then the episode ends. I cried at the end 'cause that puppy was so goddamned cute.
"Success is my only motherfucking option ~ Failure's not," Eminem, "Lose Yourself"
10.06.02
If you have the comic strip Non Sequitor in your newspaper, you know they sometimes do "What They Heard/What They Said" strips. Well I've got one: What Was Heard: "Uh, hi, yeah. We need you to come down so we can jam a six-inch needle into your flesh and suck out your vital fluids and then [saccharinely pleasant voice] try to replenish them with a Dixie cup of cherry Kool-Aid and three Chips Ahoys." What Was Said: "Can you come down and give blood?" After I gave blood for the first time in highschool, I swear they called me like every two weeks. I called them the vampires. Finally I'm like "Alright, fine, whatever" even though the first time was not the most pleasant experience of my life. Did you know that when you have a pint of blood sucked from you, you get all delirious and shit? That needle comes out, you're like, "Oh, man, my head is, like, totally spinning," Anywhoozle, so I went down there, and I think they sucked a wee bit too much out, since I fainted, and they're like "don't give blood anymore" and I'm silently thanking all the gods that ever were, are or ever will be, and they STILL KEPT CALLING!!!! Goddamned vampires!! So I'm all like, "Dude, you SAID for me not to give blood anymore. So for the love of the gods, stop calling me." So they finally did stop.
I was thinking today about what life would be like when I'm 80. This would be in the year 2059. I imagine it would be something like this: [telephone rings] Me (old-assed tired voice): 'Lo. Kid (perky young cute high-pitched voice): Hi Grandma! Me: Oh. Hi Jenny. Kid (Jenny): How's life in Alaska? Me: Cold. How's life in Florida? Jenny: Hot. Hey, Mommy says I can come over, ok? Me: Fine, whatever. Jenny: I'll be there in 20 seconds. Me: Ahh, you kids today with your teleportation devices, your instantaneous transmission. When I was your age we had to travel across the country in a giant metal cylinder. Took us twelve hours. You'd be in front of the screaming kid, kickin' your seat ... and when they served you your "food" as they called it, the fork would be the only thing with food content. Jenny: Wow, Grandma! You mean airplanes, right? We read about those in history class. Yeah, that was, like, a long time ago. Actually you know what? Me and my class, we went to the museum, and I saw one! There was like people inside but they weren't real. There was this one guy, he had this thing held up to his ear. My teacher said it was something called a ... a "cell phone." Me: Did anyone have a "laptop"? Jenny (thinking for a moment): Uhh... Oh yeah! You mean that flat square thing with the pictures and the letter buttons and whatnot? Actually nobody had one in the plane but I saw one in the museum. Man, you were primitive, Grandma. Me: Yeah, so you think. Hey listen, could you maybe teleport your little ass over to the Safeway and pick Grandma up some strawberry creme tequila? Since they dropped that whole "legal drinking age" thing back in 2046 you shouldn't have any trouble. I mean, it's just been goin' downhill since we merged with Mexico. But half their country came up here anyway, so it's just as well. Jenny: Okay Grandma. I'll see you in about two minutes. Me: 'K. Bye.
I'm teaching myself how to play the intro to the Violent Femmes' "Blister in the Sun"....
The Chicken Says: FUCK OFF!!
10.04.02
I found this list of Scottish phrases and saw some words and shit that were kind of cool: e.g. if you wanted to say "Shut up, you babbling idiot!" you'd say "Haud your wheesht, ye blethering skite!" I gotta use that on my brother; he'd be all like "What the fuck does that mean?" If you take something out of the refrigerator and it's got fur on it you can go, "Eww, it's all foosty."
Chickenism of the Day (a Chickenism is just a word I make up out of the blue): Shastle--gristle or fat off meat. As in, "I'm not gonna eat that steak, it's all shastly."
OH gods have mercy have mercy have mercy I can't stand it take that goddamned Kenny G off my TV set oh for the love of the gods please no more I can't stand it I hate Kenny G hate him hate him hate him oh gods oh gods oh gods I HAAAAATE KENNY G!!!
muussssttt... listen ... to ... weeeeeezzzzeerrrrr....
I hate it ... HATE IT!! ... when I'm at Fred Meyers trying to listen to a CD on those little listening stations they have and I scan the CD in and the little bastard recorded voice goes: "Your music selection sucks. You do not follow the general population in your aural tastes. Nobody listens to Nirvana anymore, what are you, an idiot? Try something a little less subversive like Britney or N'Sync or something. You know, something everyone else listens to. Go with the crowd! Be a conformist. Now take off these headphones and go buy a Destiny's Child CD." Aaaalright, so they don't really say that, but they may as well. I get two messages: either "This CD is not in our database. Please try another CD." Or the more frequent: "Due to explicit content, this CD is not available for preview. Please try another CD."
I'm reading "Christine" by Stephen King. It's pretty damned good. I haven't read a King book in a looooong time. I used to be obsessed with them because there was this guy at my highschool I had this major crush on and he loved Stephen King ... you know, when in Rome.... The first King book I read was "Cujo" and I was hooked. But I think my favorite has to be "Eyes of the Dragon." It's about this prince who is wrongly accused of killing his father, so he's imprisoned in a high tower and has to think of a way to escape and clear his name.
I loooove to read. I've always loved to read. I remember this one time when I was about nine or ten, it was a school night, and my mom was like at the store or something. So, knowing she wasn't home, I was reading in bed, when I should have been asleep. Anywhoozle, long story short(er), my mom came home but I didn't hear her pull up into the driveway, because if I had I'd have turned my light off. So I heard her come up the stairs and I'm like "Oh shit" (or whatever the nine-year-old equivalent of "shit" is) and I turned the light off really fast and she came in my room and she's like "Why is your light on?" Thinking quickly I lied through my teeth, "Uhh... I forgot to set my alarm." "No you didn't," she countered. "You were reading, weren't you?" Shrinking down: "No..." "Yes you were. Your light was on when I left, and it was on when I pulled up." Before I could say anything she said "You may not read for a week." "A WEEK?" Oh, not a week! Cut off my limbs! Flay me alive! Starve me! Anything, anything except not being able to read for 168 hours! God that was one of the most torturous weeks of my life. Day 3 rolls around: "Can I read something?" "No." "A magazine?" "No." "The back of a cereal box?" "No." Desperately: "A road sign?!" "NO!"
"I got to buy it ~ I got to buy it ~ Chinpoko Mon!" --The Chinpoko Mon Jingle from South Park (By the way, chinpoko is basically Japanese for "dick")
10.03.02
Didn't feel like updating on the first because nothing happened and I didn't even go online yesterday. Aaaaanywhoozle... I HEARD THE NEW NIRVANA SONG!!! (On 94.7 NRK "The New Rock Alternative"--I love saying that. And it's ninety four seven, not ninety-four point seven) Well ... I don't know if it can be technically called "new," maybe I should have gone with "unreleased." Ah well. *swipes hand down* It's called "You Know You're Right" and it is SO cool. The first 2 seconds I heard it I was like, "Ok, I've heard this song for a total of two point seven seconds and I already like it." Then Kurt started singing--although I wasn't sure if it was him at first. And then the chorus kicks in: "You know you're right ..." and I knew that that was the name of the previously unreleased Nirvana track from my Rolling Stone (the one with the Vines on the cover). Dude, if I were a cartoon character, I'd have been dragging my jaw on the ground for the last three hours. And THEN I heard the new Eminem track!! Genius! Woooooo!!! Oooh, and Pearl Jam was the musical guest on an old rerun of SNL on CC. Only the songs they played I hadn't heard before. (I don't have any of their CDs ... maybe I should actually get some LOL)
I'm a little pissed. I told my mom (what the fuck, my eyes are acting weird ... I keep seeing little sparky things) that if she went to Fred Meyers I wanted to go with her because there were about 15 CDs I wanted to listen to on the little listening station thingys to see if I liked them; among them, The Vines, The Hives, The Strokes, The White Stripes, PJ Harvey, Weezer and Nirvana. And she went today and she didn't tell me she was going to go!! Dammit.
Can't think of a lyric, so just ... whatever.
9.30.02
I started my guitar class tonight. I'm one of only, like, three girls in the entire class. All the rest are guys. There's this one guy--who sits kinda sorta next to me but there's an empty chair between us--who's like totally my type. Pale and skinny. Ahh. Sigh. And he likes Nirvana and Weezer!!! And a plethora of other cool bands (he had stickers on his guitar case. I remember his first name is Brady but I don't remember his last name. I should probably learn it ... that'd be good ... I wonder if he's got a girlfriend. Ehh, he probably does. (You know I'm a pessimist!) And even if he doesn't he's probably gonna be all like "you're not my type." (See the Tina Fey quote in Archive 4) But he likes Weezer!!! And Nirvana!!! Gods in the sky I wish I was pretty. I am not a pretty girl. I won't lie. But I'm not stupid, though.
twiiiiiinnnnnkkkkiiiiieeeee....
Gods in the sky. I so totally fucking want to visit New York it's not even funny. My mom is like totally paranoid about NY though. I told her I wanted to go there and she's all like "New York is scary." [sarcasm]Yeah, behind every corner there's a knife-weilding serial rapist ready and willing to jump out and fuck me against my will or stab me in the eyes. Or I'd get off the airplane terminal and there'd be a pistol-packing crack addict at the end just bumping all the passengers off, one by one. And at the hotel the concierge will be wanted in thirteen states.[/sarcasm]
"The I Hate Joan Rivers Song"
I hate Joan Rivers. I hope she dies. Narcissistic egotistical Evil fucking bitch. I'd like to stab her in the eyes.
Quote of the Day: "Running is not something you do for fun. Running is something you do when there's a guy chasing you with a knife." --Ardal O'Hanlon, on CCP (Pre-fucking-cisely.)
Has anyone ever noticed that the guy who narrates the Mercedes commercials sounds EXACTLY like Fat Tony from the Simpsons? I swear I think that's the same guy.
"Dear Daddy ~ I write you ~ In spite of years of silence ~ You've cleaned up ~ Found Jesus ~ Things are good or so I hear ~ This bottle ~ Of Stevens ~ Awakens ancient feelings ~ Like father ~ Stepfather ~ The son is drowning in the pond," --Weezer, "Say It Ain't So" (lyrics may be a wee bit off)
9.29.02
Sorry for those of you who tried to click on Archive 3 and got an error message. I just fixed it so it should work fine now.
I caught a spider last night in a jar. I think it's a hobo spider. They're, like, deadly dangerous. I dropped a half-dead fly in the jar last night (dead enough so it couldn't walk or fly, but alive enough so it could still wiggle around) and the spider sucked that little diptera dry. All that was left were a few little black remnants of exoskeleton as the spider--whom I named Carl--dutifully washed his (or maybe her, I don't know) pedipalps. I saw Carl's fangs and they were huge. Even if Carl weren't venomous I don't think I'd wanna be bitten by him.
I also named the spider that set up housekeeping near the porch light. Her name's Francine. Don't ask me how I came up with that name, it actually just came to me, like ... "Hmm, Francine. That spider's name is Francine." I just like to see moths blunder into the web whilst trying to check out the porch light.
I had a semi-lucid dream last night ... semi meaning I knew I was dreaming, but woke up before anything cool could happen. Italicized parts are the dream: I woke up and saw near my bed a new pen, and I didn't remember buying a new pen, so I figured I must have gotten it as a present or something. I tried writing with it and it worked, but it wasn't the kind of pen I like (I prefer rollerballs). I put the pen down and did something else, then decided to just be like "oh, fuck it" and use the ballpoint pen, which is what it was. Anywhoozle, I looked where I had put the pen and it wasn't there! I'm like "Wait a minute, let me check to see if I'm dreaming," so I looked at my clock radio and it said 7:01. I closed my dream eyes for no more than two seconds and looked at the clock again and it said 7:23. "Al-RIGHT!" I exclaimed, pumping my fist into the air. "I AM dreaming!" I double checked by doing the clock test again and the clock ended up saying something like 7:46 this time. I decided to go outside but for some reason I was tangled up (I can't put it any better than that, except maybe wrapped up) in my blankets and couldn't get out! After struggling with the blankets for a while I eventually woke up for real.
"How can I deal with this ~ If he won't get with this ~ Am I gonna heal from this ~ He won't admit to it ~ Nothing to figure out ~ I gotta get him out ~ It's time the truth was out ~ That he don't give a shit about me," --Fiona Apple, "Get Gone"