I still want that dress...
9.28.02
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANEANE GAROFALO!!! Yaaaayyyy. (Sorry, Neaney, I don't have a song for you yet) Now go celebrate by either a. getting a picture of Joan Rivers and stabbing her eyes out whilst yelling: "DIE (stab) JOAN (stab) RIVERS (stab) DIE!! (multiple stabs)", or b. sew up a little stuffed doll of Joan Rivers and burn it in effigy. (Make sure to use lots of gasoline). Then stab ITS eyes out.
I just saw the BIGGEST fucking spider I've ever seen in my life. The goddamn thing was huge!! It was near the swimming pool. The web was hu-fucking-mongous. The spider's body was about this wide: [____] and of course with the legs it ended up being about this wide: [______]. Eeewww!! Ew ew ew ew!! Gods! I'm gonna have nightmares about that fucker!! I don't know what the hell kind of spider it was. I just hope I never see one like that again. Ever.
*shudders at memory of gigantic spider*
Last night I was watching Comedy Central Presents (CCP) Greg Fitzsimmons, gods, he was fucking funny. (I don't think this is verbatim but it's close enough) "I called my grandma up and she's like, 'I just got out of the shower, let me put some clothes on,' and I'm like, 'Grandma, do me a favor. Don't ever tell me you're naked again. Go put a lot of clothes on. And then put some more clothes on ... I'll never eat raisins again.'" I was laughing so hard I couldn't fucking breathe. And then I watched CCP Dom Irerra, whose name I've forgotten how to spell correctly (I don't know if it's Irrera or Irerra--I know there's a double r somewhere but I forget where), but I think that's right. He's pretty funny too. "My mother is the most depressing human being on the planet. Know what her favorite game is? 'Guess Who Died.' 'Ma, I don't wanna play Guess Who Died.' 'Well then Guess Who Has Diabetes.'"
"You thought I was a little girl ~ You thought I was a little mouse ~ You thought you'd take me by surprise ~ Now I'm here burning down your house," Garbage, "Not My Idea"
9.27.02 (again)
I was on a Tina Fey website and found one of my favorite quotes by her. I was gonna do this as a "Quote of the Day" earlier, but I couldn't remember it verbatim except for the last part ... So ... without further ado, (whatever "ado" is) here's the:
Quote of the Day: "MSNBC reporter Ashley Banfield, now in Pakistan covering events there, has cut her hair short and dyed it brown in order to go undercover in the male-dominated country. Take it from me, Ashley: If you think having brown hair and wearing glasses will keep men from noticing you.. you are right." --Tina Fey
(Truer word was never spoken.)
9.27.02
Alright, so "Insomniac with Dave Attell" wasn't on last night at 10:30. Sue me. I thought it was.
Remember how I said I could kill flies with my bare hands? I killed six out of six today, which is like a record or something. They never knew it was coming, the little bastards. I hate flies. They're so annoying. By killing those six flies I've probably killed about ten million future flies. So be glad. That's ten million flies that won't be buzzing around you on a hot summer day. I think I deserve to be thanked.
OH GOD. I'm watching Vh1's 100 Sexiest Artists and Whitney Houston is on now. You do not know how much I fucking HATE Whitney-fucking-Houston. Uggh. Gods. Oh, good, she's over now. Such torture is her voice. I'd have muted the TV but the controls don't work for the TV in the computer room and the TV is up on a really high shelf-thing and it's not close to the computer and by the time I'd've gotten there it would have been too late anyway. Wow. That was a run-on sentence if I ever wrote one. Mrs McCormick would have my head on a stake.
I just finished this book called "No Promises in the Wind." It had been sitting on my shelf for twelve years, and I never opened it until the other day. I got it from my fifth-grade teacher, whom I hate, which is probably why I'd never read it. Anywhoozle, it's actually pretty good. It's about these two boys during the Depression. I think another reason I didn't want to read it was because there was a picture of a clown-chick on the cover (who I'm assuming is Emily), and clowns scare the shit out of me. I hate clowns. I think there are clowns in Hell. Clowns and spiders. There is almost nothing in this world I hate more than spiders, as I think I've said before. Hmm, am I digressing? Who the fuck cares. This is MY goddamn journal, goddammit, and I'll write whatever the fuck I want to with complete disregard for subject matter or digression thereof.
*gets handcuffed by the grammar police*
Greeeeaaaaat. I'm gonna have Aero-fucking-smith stuck in my head now, since Steven Tyler is now on VH1's 100SA. But I'm gonna change the channel now, anyway, since Tina Fey was on Conan last night and I missed it, and I love Tina Fey so I wanted to see it, and it's gonna be on Comedy Central right now. In fact I have glasses like Tina Fey's. (I don't know why but I can't just say Tina. I have to say her whole name.) Hee. If I ever met Janeane, she'd probably think she inspired me to get these kind of black glasses, and I'd be like, "Nope. It wasn't you, it was Tina Fey from Saturday Night Live." That is, if I can manage to SAY "Saturday Night Live." I can never say it. It always ends up sounding like "Sannalive." I also can't say "statistic." I end up saying "stastistic." So I arduously avoid saying "statistic." God. I just tried saying it correctly and I just can't. OH MY GOD. Conan just said Coldplay was on the show!!!! GOD I LOVE COLDPLAY!!! Tina Fey and Coldplay. (I didn't hear the second guest) Gods. I think I just died and went to heaven. The only way it would be better is if it were Janeane and Garbage. Or PJ Harvey.
OH GOD THE MOST HORRIFYING IMAGE JUST APPEARED ON THE SCREEN. Nick Nolte's mug shot. Oh gods. I'm gonna have nightmares about that. Oh my gods.
Gods I'm bored. I can't think of a song today.
9.26.02
I watched an old SNL earlier, because it was a "Neaney episode," and David Hyde Pierce was hosting and he sang this little ditty, the words of which I don't remember, however, I made up my own lyrics whilst washing the dishes (I can't give you the tune. You'd have to see the episode):
Insomniac with Dave Attell Is on tonight at 10:30 This stupid song's stuck in my head And it's going to torture me.
Please stop it now, I can't abide This song that's running through my head Someone end this torture now I truly wish that I was dead.
I watched this episode because It had Janeane Garofalo Because I love her, she's so cool And ... what rhymes with Garofalo??
*bows* (What does rhyme with Garofalo? It's like "orange." Nothing rhymes with it.)
I've started re-drawing a character I made up in high school: Penguin Dude. It takes me literally about five seconds to draw Penguin Dude. Let's see: there's Penguin Dude, Penguin Chick, and the Fairy Godpenguin (and his Tiny Little Cigarette that Floats in Mid-Air Whenever He Opens His Mouth). I love to draw. I have about half-a-dozen characters, maybe more. I think I'll bore the shit out of you and list 'em all: Merduck, created 1993, a duck with a fishtail (don't ask); Mr. Blank, created around 1997, which is what that ubiquitous happy face would look like with a body (kinda fat, in a one-piece blue suit); Mr. Stickie, just a stick figure dude, who dies from some sort of head injury in every strip, Shirley the Alien, my favorite, created in 1998, named after Shirley Manson. A small, thin, sky-blue girl alien with red hair. Let's see, what else... oh, there's Nina and Luna--they're twins. I was just getting into anime then and so I draw them anime-style. Actually, I draw all my human(oid) characters anime-style now. The newest one is Roko, previously known only as The Black-Haired Girl, because her name would not come to me. Then one Saturday about two weeks or so ago I was watching a new anime on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim, and one of the characters looked EXACTLY like Rei from Sailor Moon. So I'm like, "Hey, that looks like Roko," and I think I was thinking of Ryoko, from Tenchi Muyo, and I'm thinking, "Roko? Who's Roko?---The Black-Haired Girl!! THAT'S her name!"
"Won't you tell your dad 'get off my back' ~ Tell him what we said 'bout paint it black ~ Rock and roll is here to stay ~ Come inside now it's okay ~ And I'll shake you, oooh," --Garbage, "Thirteen" (cover of Big Star)
9.24.02
It's a very Nirvana day today. Woo! Nirvana! Okay, so first I was watching an old rerun of SNL, and they were the musical guest (Kurt had dyed his hair red O_O), and they played "Smells Like Teen Spirit," which is, like, one of my all-time favorite songs in the entire fucking UNIVERSE. I even put the closed-captioning on so I could finally find out what the hell the goddamn words are (since I don't have that CD--yet--and that's a very significant "yet"). THEN--Then I was watching VH1 "Mega Hits" around 4:15 or so--and they played the "Smells Like Teen Spirit" video!!! Pearl Jam on Sunday morning ... Nirvana today ... man, they're really digging into the archives, there, aren't they? Man, if this doesn't prove conclusively that there are gods, may I spontaneously combust right now.
That's it. There ARE gods.
I listened to Garbage's debut album today, which is one of my all-time favorite CDs--or, rather, I should say tape, since I got it before I got my CD player. Gather round the campfire, kiddies, and I'll tell ya all about The Time I First Heard Garbage:
One night long, long ago--around late August of 1997--it was one in the morning and I was half-asleep, and the radio was on, because this was during my "I can't go to sleep without listening to the radio" phase. I wasn't really paying attention to what was being played, until I heard that distinct beat--G fans will know what I'm talking about--thump, THUMP, thump-thump-THUMP, thump, THUMP, thump-thump-THUMP ... and I'm like "That's a pretty cool beat." (Although I didn't know it at the time, it was sampled from the Clash's "Train in Vain," which I've incidentally never heard.) Anywhoozle, then the music starts, and THEN--and THEN--this voice ... this smooth, dark, mellifluous, honey-coated dagger of a voice starts singing: "You pretend you're high ~ Pretend you're bored ~ You pretend you're anything ~ Just to be adored ~ And what you need ~ Is what you get," On the word "high" I was sitting straight up in bed and my jaw was on the floor and my eyes were as wide as I could possibly make them and I'm sitting there praying mutely: "Please tell who that is! Please, please, for the love of God tell who is singing that song!" Of course they didn't, the stupid bastards. (I don't think there's anyone at the radio stations at one in the morning anyway) After a while I found out the name of the band: Garbage, fronted by Shirley Manson. Now I had a name for the voice that, if it were a candy bar, would be a Milky Way Midnight (I'll elaborate on that later); but not yet a face. Then I think I was watching either MTV or VH1, and I think they played the "Only Happy When it Rains" video, and so I got to see Shirley. And I was ecstatically enthralled to learn she has red hair!!! (Or rather, had, since she dyed it blonde) Anywhoozle, long story short, I fell in love with that song as well, so I asked for their debut (or The Pink One, as I call it) for Christmas, and got it. That was the year we went to Florida for Christmas, and I remember I listened to that tape like two or three times on the plane ride, AND it almost never left my walkman for the entire duration of the trip. I swear that album is fucking brilliant.
Now to explain about the Milky Way Midnight line: I have a new favorite candy bar, and those are IT. They're to die for.
"With the lights out ~ It's less dangerous ~ Here we are now ~ Entertain us ~ I feel stupid ~ And contagious ~ Here we are now ~ Entertain us," --Nirvana, "Smells Like Teen Spirit"
9.22.02
Not forty minutes ago my jaw was on the floor. I was watching VH1 around 12:30 or so, and they played Pearl Jam's "Jeremy"!!!!!!!! (That deserves eight exclamation points, goddammit) I had it on mute, because I didn't care for the song that came before it (I forget what it was), and I see "3:30 in the afternoon" flash on the screen. I thought--"They aren't playing--?" Then: "an affluent suburb" -- then "64 degrees and cloudy." I scrambled to unmute the TV, my eyes wide, my jaw dropping. "Oh my gods they ARE playing Pearl Jam!" I thought. "Aaaah!" Then I looked towards the sky and went like "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" like twenty times, emphatically: "There IS a god! (And a goddess.)" *sings* "Jeremy spoke in class today..." (sighs rapturously) However Pearl Jam is a "cheap-assed" band, and I explained what that was in one of my archives, but I don't remember which one, so I'll say it again: A "cheap-assed" band is a band I like, maybe even love, but I'm just too goddamned cheap-assed (read: broke) to buy their CD(s). Like I LOVE Nirvana, but they're a "cheap-assed" band. I keep wanting to buy "Nevermind," I just haven't gotten around to it yet, because I always see a CD I want more. Speaking of wanting CDs, I REALLY REALLY want PJ Harvey's "Rid of Me," and I can't find it ANYWHERE. It's almost as if it doesn't exist anymore. I wish we had a Virgin Megastore in Portland. They'd probably have it.
I'm thinking about breaking down and buying Shakira's "Laundry Service." I love "Whenever Wherever," and the new one, "Objection Tango," and I was at Fred Meyer's (a store, for those of you who don't have it) in the CD section, and they have listening stations, and I was listening to Shakira, and it was all I could do to keep from dancing (and making a complete idiot of myself). I love alternative music, but sometimes I just want something I can dance to. But it's not like I can't dance to PJ Harvey. I freedance to her with reckless abandon. Ooooh, "Meet Ze Monsta" is like the kickassest song to dance to. Also "Long Snake Moan." I swear I've listened to that song over 150 times since I got the CD back at the end of ... I think June ... yeah, it was June 28th. I fucking LOVE that song. And on SFTCSFTS I love "A Place Called Home," and "We Float." Actually--truth be told--the first PJ song I heard, believe it or not, was "Good Fortune," on VH1. (Actually it was the first song from PJ that I knew was from her; I'd heard "Down By the Water," but didn't know who it was by, so it doesn't count; besides, I didn't care for it when it first came out, but now I love it, hence it's a cashew song) I fell in love with it instantly: the way she sang "Things I once thought ~ Unbelievable ~ In my life ~ Have all taken pla-a-a-a-a-a-a-ace," when she's swinging the purse (or whatever it is; I haven't seen the video for ages) around. THEN she was on Jay Leno, and I thought she'd be singing GF, but she sang "This is Love," and I fell in love with THAT one as well, so I figured, "I'm gonna get that CD." And I wasn't disappointed, I can tell you. Although I still don't like tracks 5 and 11 because they're too slow.
"Left alone in desert ~ This house becomes a hell ~ This love becomes a tether ~ This room becomes a cell ~ Mommy, Daddy, please ~ Send him back to me," --PJ Harvey, "Send His Love To Me" (my second-favorite verse of any PJ song--the other one being "I was in need of help ~ Heading to black out ~ Till someone told me 'run on in honey ~ 'Fore somebody blows your goddamn brains out," from "We Float)
9.21.02
I watched RAMHSR last night. I think I might break down and buy that DVD. They have it at the store as a "double DVD set" or whatever they call it, packaged with "10 Things I Hate About You," which is another movie I love (I adore Julia Stiles), so I think I might get it. Besides, since it was on TV, they cut out all the good stuff (they always cut the good stuff ... never the stuff you don't give a fuck about). Anywhoozle, after I watched it, I was bored, so I decided to draw Heather Mooney (I probably fucked up in about thirty places, but I don't care):
I still want that dress...
OOOH!!! I get to go see Garbage again in November!! I saw them back in May and it was extraordinarily gallous. I had third row!!! Only there were no seats so we had to stand for two hours, plus the music was REALLY fucking loud. When the concert was over my ears were ringing and I was saying to myself "Earplugs are your friends... earplugs are your friends..." I swear my ears were ringing for five straight hours after the show. Anywhoozle, they're touring with No Doubt this time. I like No Doubt too. Gwen Stefani makes me smile. Every time I see her I just get this huge-ass grin on my face ^_^.
I wrote this ... It's a "Tenchi Muyo!"/"Sailor Moon" crossover quickie fanscript ...
"The Wrong Anime" (MAMORU is sitting on a bench reading. A GIRL with light blue spiky hair floats up to him from behind and grabs him around the shoulders.) GIRL: Tenchi! MAMORU (surprised): Huh? What the ...? Who's Tenchi? Who are you? GIRL: Oh, Tenchi, you don't know me? It's Ryoko! MAMORU: I don't know anyone named Ryoko. What's up with your hair? GIRL(RYOKO): My hair? MAMORU: Yeah, it's all ... weird ... RYOKO (getting rather miffed): I'll have you know my hair's always been like this! (RYOKO materializes a light saber.) MAMORU: Hey! What the heck is that thing? How'd you do that? And you never told me who Tenchi is. RYOKO (dreamily): Tenchi is... my love... (RYOKO'S eyes look wistful) MAMORU: Well, hate to break it to ya, blue-hair, but I'm not Tenchi. My name's Mamoru. And I'm spoken for. Sorry. (As if on cue, USAGI comes running up to the bench.) USAGI: Mamo-chan, who is that? And what's up with her hair? RYOKO (almost shouting): Will everybody PLEASE stop narking on my hair for godssakes? USAGI: So who *are* you? RYOKO: The name's Ryoko, kid. And you? USAGI: I'm Usagi. I'm *his* girlfriend (points to MAMORU) RYOKO (almost crying): Is this true, Tenchi? MAMORU: Yes, it is. And I told you I'm not Tenchi. USAGI: Who's Tenchi? MAMORU: Uh, some guy this chick thinks I am. (A female VOICE can be heard o/c) VOICE: RYOKO! RYOKO: Oooh! Ayeka! What do you want! (AYEKA approaches the bench.) AYEKA: I'm here to get Tenchi back from you, you boyfriend-stealing, back-stabbing demon! RYOKO (looking pleased): Wow, I don't think I've ever gotten a compliment from you before. MAMORU (desperately): FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I AM NOT TENCHI!!!! (AYEKA and RYOKO are arguing loudly. USAGI looks on curiously.) USAGI: Um... excuse me? You, with the purple hair...?? AYEKA: What? Are you talking to me? I'm a princess I'll have you know! And my *name* is Ayeka, thank you very much. USAGI: Oh, gomen. Anywhoozle, um... I think you're in the wrong anime. This isn't "Tenchi Muyo!", it's "Sailor Moon." I think you want two doors down. (points) RYOKO: Oh! (addressing MAMORU) You're NOT Tenchi! MAMORU (sarcastically): How long did it take you to figure that out? AYEKA: Sorry, our bad. RYOKO: We'll be seeing you...
"Don't you ever fear ~ I'm always near ~ I know that you need help ~ Your tongue is twisted ~ Your eyes are slit ~ You need a guardian," Weezer, "Buddy Holly"
9.19.02
I uploaded some gallous pictures of Janeane... they're some of my favorite pics so... here's the linkie...
hee hee ... she was on a rerun of SNL that I watched today... on Comedy Central ... ("No! Really? I thought it would be on HBO.") ... there was one where she was on like a Japanese game show... and Chris Farley won everything ... heh heh. It was funny watching her try to speak Japanese. Of course I shouldn't talk as I don't know very much Japanese myself, although I do have an English to Japanese/Japanese to English dictionary. I did understand a few words that they were saying though: "Nani?" ("What?) "Juuhachi" ("eighteen") ... and possibly one or two more, but I can't think of them right off hand.
"I wanna get free ~ I wanna get free ~ I wanna get free right into the sun ~ She never loved me ~ She never loved me ~ She never loved me, why should anyone?" --The Vines, "Get Free"
9.18.02
La, la, la la la. I'm SO fucking bored. I think I'll sing the "I'm So Fucking Bored" song. "I'm so fucking bored ~ Someone entertain me ~ I have nothing to do ~ la la la"
Quote of the Day 1: "There's nothing to skydiving, just jump out of a plane. Oh, and remember to wear a parachute and pull the cord." --TheCrimsonIdol, on sailormoon.org
Quote of the Day 2: "That eucharist is the body of Christ, the son of God, the creator of the whole universe. Don't you think he could have just ... a little bit more flavor? You know sometimes I go into church wishing for, like, a sour cream and onion God ... mesquite barbeque God ... a little salsa to dip God into ..." --Jamie Kennedy (I think!) on Comedy Central Presents
Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion is gonna be on again on the 20th, and I think I'll watch it, because even though the movie itself was kinda ... well ... dumb, I absolutely LOVE Janeane's character. If I'd gone to school with a girl like Heather Mooney I would so totally be friends with her. Well ... actually ... I don't think I'd be "friends" so much as I'd follow her around like a lost puppy worshipping her: "Please, please, please pay attention to me! I love you! I worship you! I wanna fucking BE you!" Yeah, have like a shrine to her in my bedroom ... with candles ...
Speaking of RAMHSR, (hmm... how would that be pronounced? Ramsur?) you know the black dress Janeane wears? The one with the cool sleeves? Yeah, that one. I WANT THAT DRESS!! I so totally fucking WANT THAT DRESS!!! That is the kickassest dress. I want that dress. Sigh.
Let's see ... hmm ... oooh!! I have peanuts! I love peanuts! Yummy!! Peanuts!
I'm playing "The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time" for the zillionth time. I so totally fucking love that game. I named the character ... guess! Guess!! Aww, come on, guess, goddamn you! No?... Fine, be that way. I named my character Janeane this time. I've already used a plethora of names ... I NEVER name him his "real" name, Link ... although for the most part I use only girl's names so it's kinda weird because Link is a boy ... let's see ... I know I've named him Juuhachi (after Juuhachigou on Dragonball Z, because she's my favorite character, because she just kicks ass, and her English voice is awesome--Meredith McCoy does it and she's just amazing), Shirley (after Shirley Manson, of course), Fiona (Fiona Apple), Jonathan (nobody in particular, I just like the name) ... let's see ... I think I DID name him Link, once ... Cecelia (after my all-time favorite song, "Cecilia" by Simon and Garfunkel--I took creative liberties with the spelling), Cylia (after a friend in highschool), ummm... I think I named him Alanis once (after Alanis Morissette ... but I don't particularly care for her anymore. It's weird because I used to be obsessed with her), Aimee (after another highschool friend ... some of her quotes can be seen in Archive 3), Cassie ('nother HS friend ... oh my god she had the most beautiful glossy black hair ... I'd kill for black hair)... hmm, I can't think of anymore. I keep wanting to name him Moron, because there's this one part where you're in Goron City (the Gorons are these rock-eating people) and this little Goron is rolling around, and after you stop him, he tells you his name, which is your name that you named your character. Anywhoozle, if my character's name was Moron, the little Goron's name would be Moron, too, and he'd say "I am Moron! Hero of the Gorons!" Moron of the Gorons... I keep wanting to do that but haven't gotten around to it yet.
I was at the store today, perusing the magazine section, and I saw the new issue of Rolling Stone, and it had the Vines on the cover! And a list of other cool bands: The Strokes, the Hives, the White Stripes, Nirvana, Coldplay ... So naturally I got it... It's really weird but I absolutely HATED Nirvana when they first came out. But then again, I was only 11 or 12, so naturally I listened to the stuff 11 and 12 year old girls listen to. "Oooh, New Kids on the Block! Turn it up!" LOL (why, god, why did you let me go through that horrendous time in my life?? why? and why did I actually ... for a few months anyway ... like country music when I was 16? country music FUCKING SUCKS.) Now I wish Kurt Cobain hadn't killed himself. (but then again, who doesn't?) In fact when I have kids if I have a boy I think I'll name him Jeremy Kurt (Jeremy after the Pearl Jam song, which I also hated when it first came out, now I love it, but I don't have the CD, and because, well, Jeremy's just a fucking cool name. MY kids are not going to get beat up on the school playground, thank you very much) Why not Kurt Jeremy, you may be asking? It doesn't sound good. I prefer names that flow. Same for a girl. I'm thinking Fiona Shirley (after I'll-give-you-three-guesses-and-the-first-two-don't-count), and Shirley Fiona doesn't sound right either.
Wow, I've written quite a bit tonight for being bored as all-get-out.
Ahh, fuck the lyric today. I'm bored and I wanna get offa here and I can't think of a song right now.