9.17.02
So I was digging (literally) through this pile of shit I kept from highschool, for no other reason than I just haven't gotten around to throwing it away yet, and I found some interesting stuff. I wrote a poem about Michael Jackson, who scares the shit out of me, back in ... I think 1998. Here it is:
THE MICHAEL JACKSON POEM
First I'm black, Now I'm white. My eighty nose jobs Are a fright. I molested a boy When he was thirteen. I married a chick Named Lisa Marie. She looked at me, I took her hand. And we had sex In Neverland. She woke up the next day Feeling light in the head. She screamed when she saw A girl in the bed.
*bows*
I watched Insomniac with Dave Attell for the first time last night. Holy shit! Gods that show is funny. I gotta start watching it. Here's some cool quotes:
"There's nothing worse than a pothead who reads." --Dave Attell "I sweated out all the poisons and toxins. So now I can put new ones back in." --Dave Attell (before taking a drag off a cigarrette)
I also found in the aforesaid Pile o' Shit, some quotes from a phone conversation I had with my best friend in highschool, Aimee. She'd moved to Beaver, OR: "Not Beaverton, not Beaver Creek--BEAVER!" she said (I still remember that verbatim even though I didn't write it down). Me: "Where the hell is Beaver, anyway?" Aimee: "Gooood question!"
Aimee: "Ooh, my birthday's coming up! I love my birthday 'cause all the attention revolves around me. I'm a self-centered person." Me: "You're concieted!" (laughing) Aimee (emphatically): "Yes I am! And I'm proud of it!"
So I went to Canada back in 1998 with my choir tour, and while there I tried a Jones soda, which I'd never seen before. It was blue, but I can't remember the flavor. I think it was bubble gum but I'm not sure. Anywhoozle, someone asked me how it was, and I said: "It was good blue soda. It was rich in bluey goodness." (I just like the words "bluey goodness.")
"I think I'm paranoid ~ And complicated ~ I think I'm paranoid ~ Manipulated ~ Bend me, break me, any way you need me ~ All I want is you," Garbage, "I Think I'm Paranoid"
9.14.02
Gods in the sky. I was confuzzled last night. I swear to the gods I thought it was Sunday! I don't particularly know why. I was listening to a CD, (Fiona again--yay) and wanted to stop it at 11:35 because I seriously thought Ebert and Roeper were gonna be on, and I wanted to see what they'd say about Stealing Harvard, because although I don't want to see it, I wanted to see them go into spiels about how inevitably stupid it was going to be. Anywhoozle, I turned the TV on channel 2 at 11:35 and "KATU Sports Extra" was on! I'm all like "What the fucking hell? Why isn't Eggbert and Rugburn [that's what I call them] on?" So I turned on the preview channel, still thinking it was Sunday, and saw something I wanted to watch, so I flipped up to the channel (I couldn't just press the number buttons because my remote doesn't have number buttons, it only has four--power, volume, channel, mute) and passed channel 8, and Jay Leno was on, and I'm thinking, "Why the fuck is Jay Leno on Sunday night? This is just weird ..." So I'm sitting there watching it and Jay goes something like "it's Friday..." and I'm thinking, "It's FRIDAY?? Holy fucking gods in the sky! I thought it was Sunday!" Man, I felt like an idiot.
*singing first verse of the "I Want to Kill Christina Aguilara" song*: "I want to bash Christina Aguilara ~ Over the head with a frying pan ~ Stuff her in a garbage can ~ Ship the twat off to Japan," DIE YOU .... YOU ... DEPLORABLE CREATURE!!! AAAHH!!
Man, that "Jane Eyre" is a long-assed book. I've had it for a week and I'm only halfway through. (Chapter--um--either 22 or 23 right now. Heh. How many people do you know that type"um"? Hee hee) I just passed this really exciting part where one of Mr Rochester's friends (I forget his name) is bleeding profusely (why, I don't think is ever specifically mentioned, but I might have missed or forgotten that part), and Jane stays up all night with him. I'm at the part now where Mrs Reed just died. The only thing that drives me crazy about that book is that Charlotte Bronte could possibly have done without half the colons and semicolons she used. I mean, for godssakes, they're like in every fucking paragraph!
"My hand won't hold you down no more ~ The path is clear to follow through ~ I stood too long in the way of the door ~ And now I'm giving up on you," Fiona Apple, "Love Ridden" (a cashew song which is quickly becoming a chocolate song)
9.12.02
I did it!!! I managed not to say a single goddamn word for 24 straight hours. If you're wondering how the fuck I communicated, I know how to spell in sign language. But I'm not going to do it again, let me tell you. It's a lot harder than it sounds. You try it sometime. Come on. I dare ya.
I found this gallous comic strip on the Internet yesterday... I was laughing my ass off... anywhoozle, here's the link: "If you fuck up my chopper, I'll kill you." (favorite line, although the "fuck" is blurred out)
Let's see ... what else was I going to prattle on about? Oh! In--I think archive 1 but I'm not sure--I said that airplanes make me feel all philisophical, and I wondered why are there little bumps on ceilings. I think I figured it out. Okay, so there were these two guys, smoking pot ... hmm, I think I'll call them Jeremy and Trent. Anywhoozle, I think this is how their conversation must have gone:
(Jeremy and Trent are smoking pot and laying on the floor looking at a bumpless ceiling)
Jeremy: That ceiling, man, it ... needs something.
Trent: Spots?
Jeremy: Nah.
Trent: Stripes?
Jeremy: Nope.
Trent: Maybe we should ... paint it pink. (takes a drag off a joint)
Jeremy: Uh, no.
Trent: (after a moment's thought) ... Little ... bumps?
(Jeremy sits up and a sly smile crosses his face)
Jeremy: Buuummmps!! Yeah! That's perfect!
Trent: And we can paint it pink, too, right?
Jeremy: Dude, we're not painting it pink.
"This is a public service announcement ~ This is only a test ~ Emergency evacuation protest ~ May impair your ability to operate machinery ~ Can't quite tell just what it means to me ~ Keep out of reach of children ~ Don't ya talk to strangers ~ Get your philosophy ~ From a bumper sticker" --Green Day, "Warning"
9.11.02
Well, it's been a year since IT happened. And I decided that for 24 hours I'm not going to say a single word. I'm going to spend the whole day in complete silence. Since midnight last night, no sound has come out of my lips (except for the occasional laugh, which doesn't count, since it's technically not speaking). Which is really not that much of a stretch for me, as I'm not very garrolous anyway. (I think I spelled that right. I don't feel like going up to get the fucking dictionary.) Oh, and typing doesn't count as speaking.
I watched "American Beauty" again today. This is like the thirteenth time I've watched that movie. "Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it. And my heart is just going to cave in." --Ricky Fitts
Oooh. I forgot to say the other day that I watched "Now and Then" on ABC Sunday night. I knew Janeane was in it (not for long, but oh well) but I didn't know that Christina Ricci and Thora Birch were in it as well. I love Thora and Christina. Thora Birch looks odd with light hair though. It was a cute movie.
"La, la, la la la la la, First you take the pink, and then the blue, and then the green and then more pink and then a dash of blue, Coloring, Coloring, Get another color, doo dee doo!" --Bubbles, from the Powerpuff Girls, singing the "coloring song"
"I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does," --The Smiths, "How Soon Is Now"
9.10.02
It's a very Fiona day today. I listened to "Tidal" and "When the Pawn," in that order, one right after the other. And I actually listened to tracks 4 and 10 on WTP. I didn't like them at first because they were too fucking slow, but I think I do now, but I don't know the words... dammit. So they are now cashew songs. If you asked me which Fiona CD I liked better, I wouldn't be able to tell you. I like all the songs on "Tidal," even though they did take some getting used to (I think there are about five cashew songs on that one); however, I like the style of WTP better. I abso-fucking-lutely LOVE tracks 5-9 on that one, with "Paper Bag" being my favorite.
I'm reading "Jane Eyre" right now... Jesus-chicken-salad-christ, that's a long book... I got it on Saturday and I'm only on like Chapter 13 or 14 ... there's like 488 pages (counting the forewords and afterwords). It's pretty good so far. I've learned about a gazillion new words reading that damn thing. I'm not stupid, but I have to keep a dictionary handy ("What the fuck does 'sententious' mean??!" [1. pompously moralizing 2. aphoristic; using maxims])
Great, now I have to look up "aphoristic" and "maxims." I hate it when I look up a word in a dictionary and they define it with more "dictionary words"!! Hmmm, "aphorism": "short effective saying." "Maxim": "general rule of truth or conduct briefly expressed." From The American Century Dictionary.
I'm kinda pissed... I could have become lucid in my dream last night but I didn't!! (A lucid dream is when you know you are dreaming while you're dreaming and you can control--to some extent--what happens in the dream) I mean I saw a purple triceratops for godssakes! A REGULAR fucking triceratops would have been a sufficient dreamsign, much less a purple one! I haven't had a lucid dream for quite a while, actually.
Shit. I've got this song stuck in my head ... the one from the 80s that goes "you spin me right round baby right round like a record baby right round round round..." Just those lines. Hee hee, now it's stuck in YOUR head, isn't it??? Mwa ha ha ha!! Thou shalt suffer!!
"Don't bother to pack your bags ~ Or your map ~ We won't need them where we're goin' ~ We're going where the wind is blowin' ~ Not knowing where we're gonna stay," --Weezer, "Holiday"
9.08.02
Well, it's 12:51 am. I didn't update on the 6th 'cause I didn't feel like it; and I didn't update earlier today because I was at work. Or whatever you call it. Man, I had to walk the most obdurate dogs today! There was this one, he like fucking RAN everywhere, I'm like, hyperventilating--"Wait! Hold on! Stop! I can't go this fast, you little dingleberry! *pant pant pant*" Anywhoozle, I got back inside, after I finished walking all the dogs, and decided to take one of the kittens out to play with it. The first kitten was too fidgety so I put it back after about two minutes, but the next kitten I took out--or rather, that jumped out--literally jumped onto my shoulder. "Oh, you wanna come out?" I said, laughing. He (she?) snuggled up against my neck and started licking my ear (or biting it, I'm not really sure) and purring. So soft and warm and snuggley!! Eeee-hee!!
I learned a lot of gallous new words this week. Sometimes I just go through the dictionary and just memorize random obscure words. (BTW, in one of my entries I said I loved crossword puzzles, and I said something like "Oh boy! Little squares to fill in with obsolete words!" Well--heh--I messed up. I meant to say obscure, not obsolete.) Let's just see if I can use some in some sentences. The italicized words are the "new" ones: I'm thinking about promulgating this website, but I don't want to go through the hassle of signing up for thirty thousand search engines. ... I totally fucking venerate Shirley Manson. She's so gallous. ... "Do you want to go out, or not? Quit obfuscating me, dog!"
(Aw, shit. There were a bunch more, but I can't think of them right off hand, and I'm too lazy to go up two flights of stairs to get the goddamn dictionary. Wait, I just realized they all end in -ate ... promulgate, venerate, obfuscate ... wow. Gods. I JUST realized that!)
*tries to kill fly, misses, gets pissed off*
"Oh, it's evil babe ~ The way you let your grace enrapture me ~ When well you know, I'd be insane ~ To ever let that dirty game recapture me," Fiona Apple, "Shadowboxer" (one of my favorite Fiona songs. She's brill-ee-unt.)
9.05.02
My mom read my journal yesterday. Well, I figured sooner or later she'd find out about it. Oh well. She wasn't too pissed, I don't think.
Has anyone ever noticed that they never sell music on TV that anyone in their right mind would actually want to buy? I mean who would really WANT "Songs 4 Worship"??? I can see it now: "Nobody's buying this shit! What the fuck are we supposed to do with thirty-five thousand cases of John Denver CDs?"
AAAAHH!! My dog just farted!! Ew ew ew ew ew!!! (Jeez, Buddy, what'd you eat for godssakes?)
Twelve more days till the season premiere of That 70's Show!! Gods in the sky. I love that show. Actually, that's my FAVORITE show. I love Donna the best, because she reminds me of Cylia, this chick I went to highschool with that I totally fucking worshipped. ("I wanna be you!") Actually--no exaggeration--Donna is EXACTLY like Cylia. The first day I met Cylia, she jokingly threatened to punch me in the face. I was immediately smitten. I thought "Wow, this chick is cool!" I'm pretty sure my first Cylia encounter went as follows, but it was a long time ago so it's not verbatim:
(Me, Cylia, and another of my friends, Cassie, are hanging around the lockers)
Cylia (to me): Are you gonna sign up to donate blood?
Me (hesitatingly): Umm... I really don't know.
Cylia: Do it! Or I'll punch you in the face! (shaking fist)
Me (more assuredly): Okay!
(I signed up right then and there)
"He said 'dance for me franciulla gentil' ~ He said 'laugh a while I can make your heart feel' ~ He said 'fly with me touch the face of the true god' ~ And then cry with joy at the death of my love," --PJ Harvey, "The Dancer"
9.04.02
I wanted to update yesterday SO fucking badly but I couldn't get into my account... anywhoozle, Monday night/Tuesday morning I had insomnia. Gods in the sky. How I hate insomnia. It was the kind where you're not exactly awake--your eyes are closed--but you never get into REM sleep and remain semi-concious the entire night (e.g. you can hear stuff and you'd wake up really easily). S'anywhoozle, I kept "waking up," for lack of a better phrase, since I technically wasn't even asleep. Finally at 6:30 am I just decided to watch music videos on MTV (this is when they play 'em, folks), and then, I watched something I hadn't since I was little--my absolute favorite show when I was younger--"Little House on the Prairie"!!! GODS I fucking LOVED that show!!! And there were two back-to-back episodes! I'd watch the damn show every day if it was on at a fucking decent hour and not at seven in the fucking morning. Even though I hadn't seen that show for about fifteen years, I was humming the theme song... I still remember that theme song...
I was also really sick-feeling yesterday, probably due to my sleeplessness. Like I said before, when I have insomnia, I feel like I'm about ready to float away or something, but I also get queasy and dizzy and feel all discombobulated.
Quote of the Day: "Doesn't she play the piano? You can't say that word if you play the piano!" --My brother, upon hearing the line "It gets so fucking cold" from Tori Amos's "Northern Lad"
"Just say yes ~ You little arsonist ~ You're so sure you can save ~ Every hair on my chest ~ Just say yes ~ You little arsonist ~ Come on," Tori Amos, "i i i e e"
9.02.02
Aaaaaggghhh!! I was SO fucking pissed off last night. Dane Cook, whom I adore, was going to be on Comedy Central Presents, and even though I've watched his performance EVERY time it comes on, I wanted to watch it again 'cause he's just so fucking hilarious. And hot. Anywhoozle, I THOUGHT it was going to be on at 2 am, (like I've said before, I'm a night owl), but it was on at 1:30!!! I turned it on at 1:57 and Dane was doing the Burger King drive through bit. I'm like "What the fucking hell??" God damn, was I pissed.
My kitty got her ear bitten yesterday by some weird-assed cat that's been coming into our yard. The other cat is sort of a mottled brown/dark brown color, while ours is pure black. S'anyway, I was in the kitchen, nuking myself a corn dog (or two) and I heard this "REEEEAAOOWWRRR!" from the garage. I opened the door and the brown cat slipped underneath my mom's car and out the other door, which leads outside, into the night. I looked at my cat and her ear was bleeding, so I'm guessing the brown cat bit her or something. I now officially hate the brown cat.
It's really weird ... In the twelve years we've had our cat, she's NEVER scratched or bitten anyone. And she has claws, too. I've seen them many times.
I listened to like three different CDs yesterday... which is kind of odd for me since I usually only listen to one a day (I may listen to it more than once, though). First it was PJ Harvey's "Stories From the City, Stories From the Sea," (which *would* be a masterpiece if it weren't for tracks 5 and 11--track 3, "A Place Called Home," is my favorite, then "We Float," which has amazing percussion) then Tori Amos's "Little Earthquakes" (excellent CD--I love "Happy Phantom" and "Leather" the best), then another Tori CD, "Under the Pink." Today I listened to a burned CD of Garbage B-sides I downloaded off Napster when Napster didn't suck. And I think when I get off of here I'm gonna go listen to more Tori and Polly and Weezer again.
"And I don't care about morals ~ Cause the world's insane ~ And we're all to blame anyway ~ And I don't feel any sorrow ~ Towards the kings and queens of the butterfly collectors," --Garbage, "Butterfly Collector" (cover of The Jam)
9.01.02
Wanna freak somebody out? This is really cool. You'll need:
A pin (straight, not safety)
The ability to stick something into your finger without being squeamish about it
This will work best on your middle finger. Take the pin and kind of slide the point under the epidermis but over the dermis in the tip of your finger. It's not as hard as it sounds. (I could do it when I was nine) If you did it right, there'll be a small piece of skin holding the pin to your finger. The pin will not fall off. Now go around waving it around to people and watch their expressions. (Of course this will not work if the person you are showing it to knows about it as well.) The skin holding the pin will be practically invisible so they can get a good close look and they probably won't notice anything. By the way, as for pain, this does not hurt at all. I should know as I have an exceedingly low pain threshold. To get the pin out, of course, just pull the opposite way you pushed it through.
So ... I watched the MTV VMAs the other day. Lots of bands I like won stuff: Pink, Eminem, Linkin Park, White Stripes... The performances were good too. I love that Shakira song. And Eminem's performance! And the Hives!!! And the Vines!!! (squeals happily) The only thing that pissed me off is that nobody won the MTV2 Award that I wanted to win. Who the fucking hell is Dashboard Confessionals anyway? I was rooting for Norah Jones, or the Hives, or the Strokes. Oh well.
From "South Park":
Kyle: You guys! You guys! I got my period too!
Stan: Really?
Kyle: Yeah! I was just sitting in my room and then I perioded all over the place!
"I'm only happy when it rains ~ My only comfort is the night gone black ~ I didn't accidentally tell you that ~ I'm only happy when it rains," --Garbage, "Only Happy When it Rains" (my anthem)
8.30.02
Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod!! I am SO excited right now. Well, I don't know if "excited" is the right word but it's close enough. I was just reading an interview with Janeane, on the internet, and in it she said she likes PJ Harvey!!!! (Her exact words: "I want to hear more PJ Harvey.") *squeals happily* I didn't even know she liked Polly!!! That is SO cool!! Gallous, as Shirley Manson would say. (Gallous is the Scottish equivalent of "awesome.") I was like jumping up and down: "Janeane likes PJ! Janeane likes PJ! Yes! Yes! Yes!" (pumping fist in the air with each subsequent "yes") Janeane, I like totally want to hug you right now: "You like PJ!! Eee!!" (Now if she likes Garbage and Tori Amos, then I'm going to worship her. Heh, just kidding.) Heh, heh. I adore Polly Jean. Once I had a dream--I forget what it was about--and Polly walked past me, and she looked like she did back in 1998 when "Is This Desire?" came out, with the short curly black hair, and for some reason she was wearing glasses. Anywhoozle, I'm like (in a rapturous sighing voice): "Woowwwwww, PJ Harrrrveeeyyy!!" And she smiled at me, which was enormously gallous, even though it was only a dream. And I'm all like, "You're a goddess I love you!" I was like trying to chase her and shit, it was funny, because I probably wouldn't do that in real life. But then she went into this--stable-like thing, it was a bunch of horse stables together, and then I couldn't find her. And then when I was going back (to where, I don't know), there were people making Mexican food on a concrete floor. I got to a cash register and the guy there was like "That'll be (I can't remember the price but it was somewhere in the 60 dollar range, I'm thinking it was $67.50)," and I'm like "For just walking through? What the hell?" I don't remember what happened after that. Well, actually, I do, but I don't feel like typing it.
"Roll over, roll over ~ And roll me a man-a ~ You lover, my lover ~ You just roll me over ~ You give me your mother ~ And man if I love her ~ I love her, I'll keep her ~ I'd better just keep her," --PJ Harvey, "I Think I'm A Mother"
8.29.02
I think I know why I was feeling sick yesterday. A few days ago I had a hot dog and the ketchup that I put on it tasted funny, so I'm thinking it was not any good anymore.
Mmmm.... Doritos... *crunch crunch crunch* Great, now I'm thirsty...
My not-hidden-anymore talent: I can swat flies with my bare hands. I swear I can. It's pretty fucking easy, once you know how to do it. The trick is to wait until the little germ factory lands (that's a duh factor of about twelve), then SLOWLY! bring your hand down over it, and then when it's about two inches over slam your hand down as fast as you possibly can. It'll take practice. I'm pretty fucking good. I rarely miss. (Notice I did not say "never," as you [should] know, I never lie.)
Mystery of the Day: Why do I absolutely LOVE Norah Jones' "Don't Know Why"? I fucking LOVE that song. And I hate slow songs. But then again, I love Eminem, and I hate rap music. (I think Eminem is brilliant. I love "Without Me" and "Stan" the best.)
*goes into bird's room and strangles--uh, I mean, squirts the little fuck*
Lines from my favorite movie, "American Beauty":
Jane: What?
Ricky: If I had to go to New York to live, tonight, would you come with me?
Jane: Yes.
"So the FCC won't let me be ~ Or let me be me ~ So let me see ~ They try to shut me down on MTV ~ But it feels so empty without me" --Eminem "Without Me"
8.28.02
Holy fucking gods in the sky, I feel SO sick right now. What's weird is that I don't feel queasy, per se; I just feel weird. I woke up at seven in the morning--such an ungodly hour--and since I technically don't have to be awake until eleven, I went back to sleep for what I thought was, oh, about ten minutes. Then my mom comes in my room and goes, "Get up and take the dog out," and I'm all like "whazzuh?" and she goes, louder, "Get up, and take the dog out, please." I was all set to say "But it's seven in the freaking morning," in a tired whiny "please don't make me do this" voice, but I looked at the clock and it was 11:08. I'm like "Where the fuck did those five hours go? It was seven in the fucking morning like ten minutes ago!" (Hmm, maybe I got abducted by aliens or something. *checks for weird scars* Nope, didn't get abducted. Darn.) I absolutely HATE when that happens. I also hate it when it feels like I've been in bed for hours and it's really only been 20 minutes. And--ooh, the icing on the cake!--insomnia! Oooooh!! How I fucking HATE insomnia. By the way, did you know that at precisely 4:30 am, the birds start chirping? It's like they have little watches or something. "Okay.. ready ... three ... two ... one... CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP ... uh, Bill, you're kinda out of tune there ... there you go ... okay, once more from the top ... CHIRPITTY CHIRPITTY TRILL TRILL TRILL SQUAWK SQUAWK PEEP PEEP..." I hate the feeling when I can't sleep all night and then I FINALLY get to sleep at about 8 am, and then I wake up at two feeling like I'm on crack. I swear it feels like my body's over here, and my head's somewhere in Nebraska. Oh, remember those cold medicine commercials with the cartoon people and their heads were on balloon strings above their necks? That's exactly what it feels like. Like you're going to float away or something.
I feeelll sooo .... fuccckkkeeddd uupppp.....
I have yet another archive. Apparently, you're not allowed to have more than a certain number of characters on a page, because when I get to the limit I can't type any more. I can press the goddamn keys but nothing shows up on the page. Oh well.
Since I'm sick of trying to think of new ways to say goodbye, I think from now on I'll leave you with lyrics from my favorite songs. Here's Weezer! Yay!
"I want a girl who will laugh for no one else ~ When I'm away she puts her makeup on her shelf ~ When I'm away she never leaves the house ~ I want a girl who laughs for no one else," --Weezer, "No One Else"