10.24.03
Sigh... I have no motivation in the mornings to get up anymore.... last night in bed I cried thinking about Daria. I just feel so bad for her. AND! This kind of freaked me out a little bit. I read on pdxradio.com (I’m not registered, I just read the posts) that Daria tried out for the morning show in Denver. WTF?? DENVER?? I really, really hope not. How the hell am I supposed to listen to her if she’s in Denver? There’s no internet feed for the station she tried out for, Alice 105.9 (there’s nothing there about her now, but there may be in the future if she gets picked up by them). This is also kind of strange because I KNOW I read an article online that said she said it would take “an ‘unbelievable’ offer for her to leave Portland,” but then again that was back in 2000, before I’d even heard of her. (Believe it or not, I didn’t even know who she was until November 7, 2002. Everyone who knew who she was before then: you are so damned lucky.)
I don’t want her to leave Portland... if she does... I won’t ever have a chance to see her again. (If she does get picked up by Alice 105.9, I expect the phrase “I hear Denver’s very lovely this time of year” to be added to my lexicon.)
I went out the other day and bought Elvis Costello and the Attractions’ “Get Happy!!” (bonus edition with double CD) and the Clash’s “London Calling.” I really like both of them but apparently LC is either a “love it or hate it” thing, according to the reviews on amazon.com (And may I say that “FredDurstsBiggestFan” or whatever the hell your name is, you’re an idiot. Just because a band never was on fucking loser lameass TRL does NOT mean it’s a bad band. Elvis Costello was also never on TRL to the best of my knowledge and he’s one of the greatest singer-songwriters I’ve EVER heard.). Didn’t read the reviews for GH. I love it too much to be pissed off by some loser’s negative review. Best song: 5ive Gears In Reverse.
You know, I really haven’t said anything about Jayn, not that I don’t like her—I do, very much—but I just keep forgetting. Sorry, Jayn-of-the-enviable-black-hair. (I wonder if she’ll ever read this... I doubt it, but you never know.) Anyway, I didn’t email her very much, and I’ve never met her, and I doubt I will now unless I’m moozing around downtown or something (yes, I just made up the word “moozing” like five seconds ago. I think the meaning would be pretty self-explanatory...), but I did send her an email for her birthday (October 3), mistakenly thinking that she’d said the day before was her birthday... heh heh. Then I remembered I had a bunch of What’s the Connection (it was a game she had where she played three songs and there was some sort of connection between all of them) ideas, so I sent them to her with a few jokingly sarcastic comments about them and she wrote back and said she’d already used most of them, but there was one she hadn’t used yet. She didn’t actually say she was GOING to use it, but she did say it was good... and she closed with “you’re hilarious!” Yaaaayy!! *clap clap clap* But I listened to her EVERY day... I actually, truth be told, didn’t like her very much at first... unlike Daria, whom I liked instantly, Jayn was more of a gradual liking. But by the time she got fired she was one of my favorites... heh. In the months before she got fired, whenever Robin Banks (a sub DJ whom I, to put it lightly, don’t particularly care for) was in for her, I wouldn’t even listen because I wanted to hear Jayn. I’m really going to miss her, too, and I hope that I can hear her again on the radio sometime soon.
Yes, I’m still boycotting NRK. I haven’t, though, sent any angry letters to the Higher-Ups, because I just kept putting it off and although I still want G&D and Jayn-Jayn (alright, alright, I always secretly call her that!) back, I don’t have the seething rage and anger flowing through my veins like I did two weeks ago. Besides, it’s probably too late to send one now anyway.
I also learned that Marconi-Whom-I-Fucking-Despise will be on mornings starting October 27, which coincidentally is my brother’s birthday. Speaking of which, my mom said the other day that Nick doesn’t even like Marconi. I DON’T see how, if everyone seems to hate him, how his ratings can be through the roof. And speaking of Marconi’s ratings, I also STILL don’t understand how in God’s name moving him to the mornings was a good idea. The primary audience for Marconi seems to be stoners and 12-year-old males. The first demographic doesn’t get up until after noon. The second has school in the mornings. I don’t know. Maybe the KNRK Higher-Ups are all masochists or something and WANT their ratings to go down...
Wow, I really waxed on that subject. I’ll just jump off my soapbox now.
10.20.03
Didn’t see this entry about Daria until today. These people, I think, know Daria personally...
I’ve got Depeche Mode’s “Personal Jesus” running through my head, but when I try to hum it out loud, I end up going off-key. I can’t figure out why. Maybe too much coffee. Or not enough.
Speaking of coffee, I thought I wouldn’t need it anymore, since I don’t get up at 6 am anymore for obvious reasons (the one thing good about G&D getting fired is that I can finally catch up on my sleep), but no, I still need my caffeine. And I like Irish Creme flavored coffee creamer now. But my mom got me International Delight and I can’t stand International Delight. They put too much sugar and not enough actual flavor into their creamers. Coffee-Mate is waaaayyy better.
Yeah... too much coffee. I’m starting to get that sicky-shaky-weird feeling that I get when too much caffeine is coursing through my arteries.
10.18.03
A late entry in the “God dammit, Entercom are fucking idiots for canning Gustav and Daria and replacing them with Marconi” bandwagon.
I had a horrible toothache last night. I hope I don’t have to get another tooth pulled. The first time I did that was NOT pleasant, let me tell you. For those who never read about my delightful dental experience, here’s a condensed version: I went to the dentist last year and had a tooth pulled, and it sucked. The end. Anyway, last night I slathered Orajel onto it but it didn’t seem to do anything, so finally, after Not Getting Any Sleep for the longest time, around 4:30 AM I had to go take some painkillers. Then I finally got some goddamn sleep...
(For the record, “slathered” is a cool word...)
I took a walk yesterday, down the road, and to a trail in the forest that I hadn’t been down for ... god, years, practically. When I started walking down the trail, I was blocked by an overgrowth of branches. However, upon closer inspection, I noticed a space underneath big enough to crawl through—so I did. No, I didn’t get stuck. I kept walking ... I think I went about a mile and a half, two miles from where my house is. The trail was wide, so there was no possible way I could have gotten lost. I debated whether to go all the way down when the trail started turning gravelly, which meant it was turning into an actual road (Kimball Rd I believe), but decided against it. Good thing, too, because when I walked back (once again having to literally crawl on my hands and knees underneath the overgrowth) and arrived back at my house, I was exhausted, and had to rest for like half an hour.
I think I’ll go to MapQuest and see where the hell Kimball Road actually is... and how it’s possible to get there from that trail.
10.17.03
I had a weird dream the other night. I will now bore you with the details and if you don’t like it, tough. There are other blogs—go read them. (For the record, yes, I’m still pissed about G&D getting fired...) Anywhoozle, in the dream, our family was going down to Memphis to visit my grandparents. However, for some odd reason, we were all taking separate planes. The plane I was taking was out in the open, without the ... what’s it called, the tunnel-thing you go through when you’re getting on and off the plane. But it was a jet plane, not one of those little dinky-assed shuttle planes. So I was walking around the plane and noticed that one of the engines was missing. It looked like it had either been burnt off or ripped off, maybe both. And then suddenly flames started shooting out from under one wing and wrapped themselves around the base of the wing and around the fuselage. My mom, who was with me, told me to get on the plane. I didn’t feel right about doing so but did anyway. The people inside were just doing what they would normally do when about to take off on an airplane. And then suddenly I said, “I can’t get on this plane. I have to get off, now.” My mom wondered why and as I exited I said “Um, the fact that it’s on fire AND there’s an engine missing might be a little clue. Yeah. It’s sort of a survival issue.” (I have to be sarcastic even in dreams...) Nobody else got off the plane, and I walked a little ways away and the plane was still on fire, the flames completely surrounding the fuselage, but they didn’t seem to be “out of control,” if that makes sense. They were like ... wrapped around the plane. It was weird. Anyway, I just kept watching the plane burn until I woke up.
You know what I really, really, really want? A Gamecube. So I can play The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker. (Hm. I’m doing this in MS Word and apparently “waker” is not a real word, judging from the “YOU HAVE SPELLED THIS WRONG” red squiggly line underneath... but that’s the way it’s spelled on the game package...huh.)
I’m sitting here munching on Lay’s STAX potato crisps, or as I call them, “Goddamn Pringles rip-offs.” Pringles are waaaay better. My question is, Pringles have been around since... well, I don’t know the year, but I’m sure it was before I was born. How come it took so goddamn long for another company to try to copy them? I’m expecting Ruffles to do it next ... (For the record, I actually hate potato chips, but I love Pringles. It’s odd, I know. It’s like, I can’t STAND tomatoes, but I love tomato soup and Italian food.)
10.14.03
Now people are sending me their blog entries about G&D leaving. This is cool; now I don’t have to Google as much... anyway, here’s another one. (That’s a weird pic of Daria though... o_O)
I’m getting over it... it’ll take some time though. And Gustav replied to my email that I sent him yesterday and said he hopes that the three of them will get back on the airwaves soon. (Doesn’t have email for either Jayn or Daria, though. Bummer.) I’m starting to feel jokey again, so expect more sarcasm and wittiness in the future. Not necessarily the near future, but ... yeah, sometime soon.
And here's yet another entry.
10.13.03 (again)
’Nother journal entry about G&D. See, I’m not the only one pissed about this.
10.13.03
Stiiillll pissed off about this whole thing. You know, you think I’d get over it, but I’m a very emotional person. I was thinking last night, why couldn’t they have just moved Gustav and Daria to the afternoon time slot (like Ashalen said) if Marconi was moving to the mornings? But NOOoooOOOooooOOO. They had to fire them! And on Gustav’s birthday, too. “Happy birthday! Here’s a swift kick in the ass for you.” Bastards. I mean the management at KNRK, not G&D of course.
On a more positive note, Gustav still has email! Huzzah! Now if I could just find out whether Daria still has email, this whole thing won’t be so bad. It’s more the fact that I can’t email Daria anymore that makes me pissed off. And what REALLY makes me mad is that there’s almost nothing I can do to get them back.
I did feel a little better last night though—listened to some Elvis Costello (heh—I listened to “This Town” about 500 freakin’ times), read some David Sedaris, and actually got a little sleep...
10.12.03 (again) Found another journal entry about G&D: Greyduck.net G&D entry
10.12.03
Anyone who lives in Oregon/southern Washington and listens to NRK, read:
I have decided to boycott NRK. I will no longer listen to a station that has completely ruined my mornings and early afternoons. Marconi, to put it bluntly, SUCKS. To usurp Gustav and Daria with him was, perhaps, the biggest mistake that the suits at KNRK could possibly make. So, don't listen to KNRK anymore. I'm not going to. I've got my CDs and if I want my alternative rock music there's always channel 914 on the digital cable.
We need to get G&D back somehow. Jayn, too.
I found another journal entry about this as well, which was on Ashalen's journal, however the KNRK boycott entry that was previously linked from here has been taken down. She(he?) is also boycotting the station. I don’t think I’m going to be listening to the radio at all for a while...
On another note, Tina the Troubled Teen seems to be missing. Maybe she ran away after talking about it for so long...
10.10.03 (again)
See, look, even Audrey’s pissed off about Gustav and Daria leaving:
10.10.03
Okay, here’s the deal, from what I understand. Like I said yesterday, I emailed Dot-Com Dan, and got a reply about a half-hour later but didn’t feel like updating my page again because I was too miserable. But anyway, here’s what he said. (I had mentioned that I was extremely upset about this whole thing):
“[DELETED BY REQUEST]” (but it basically said they were doing some “changes to the station”)
So that’s basically all I know right now. I swear, I got more emails about this yesterday than I usually get in an entire month. All of them about Gustav and Daria. All of them wanting to know what the HELL was going on. It seems Marconi is going to be on in the mornings now. God dammit, I HATE Marconi. He’s a conceited fat asshole. I’m wondering if someone contacted the station manager and said “You know, mornings on NRK are just too goddamn hilarious. Could you maybe make them suck royally? You can? Oh, great!”
On top of that, I got very little sleep last night, and what I did get was restless and fitful. I kept waking up (but I wasn’t really technically asleep) about every 20-30 minutes. And every time I think of Daria, I get all teary-eyed again. It’s almost as if she’d died or something. In fact for a few minutes yesterday morning I thought something really bad had happened to them. (Blame my overactive imagination.)
Also it seems Jayn, who was on in the late mornings/early afternoons, isn’t going to be there either. Dammit, I liked her a lot as well.
Fuck this.
10.09.03
God dammit.
I have never, ever, ever been so upset in my life. Gustav and Daria are no longer going to be on NRK in the mornings, and probably not on the station at all anymore. I just checked my email and got an email from one of her friends, and he said that he got an email from her that said yesterday was their last show. No warning or anything. So I have no idea what’s going on. God dammit. This has got to be the worst day of my life. I hope, I really, really hope, that she’s only moving to another station, and that I can still email her. Actually, I just got another email from the same guy, and he said they’re doing a shuffle (or something), which means that she probably IS going to move to a different station. I’m kind of torn on this. I love NRK. I don’t want to switch stations, but I love Daria dearly, and I don’t know if I can stand not being able to listen to her. There wasn’t a day that I didn’t listen to the show without cracking up at least once. She made me happy. And to not be able to email her anymore ... god, I don’t know if I’ll be able to stand it. I emailed Dot-Com Dan (he’s the third guy on the show, whom I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned before) and asked him about it so I hope I’ll get some answers soon.
I’m hoping with every fiber of my being that either she’s just moving to a different station or is moving to the afternoon. The afternoon show here on the radio is the Marconi show, and I hate it, and it’s moving to the mornings starting in a few weeks.
If I can’t listen to her anymore, then... I love her so, so much, and I’m going to miss her tremendously.
10.07.03
Well, as promised, here’s the first of my “To the Editor” parody letters. The actual letters are real, as in, they were actually in Highlights magazine. But the responses are just sarcastic parodies.
My sister is stealing from me. What should I do?--A. V., Wisconsin Steal back from the little bitch.
Okay, you people are gonna have to wait for the rest of them. I had a few that I wanted to do really badly, but I can’t remember which issues they’re in, so I’m gonna have to search through all my found issues again.
I added a new link above. Become a vampire. You know you want to. Just think, all that delicious blood ... can’t you feel your incisors getting pointier by the minute?
I’m kicking my high score’s ass on Snow Bowling. (3604 right now and still playing. Luckily it’s not timed so I have it minimized while I type this.) But dear lord god in heaven, how the fucking hell could the number one score be over 100,000?? Someone has waaaaaaay too much time on their hands.
10.04.03
I have now found 32 old Highlights issues, and in one, September 1992, there’s a picture called “First Impressions.” Here are my “first impressions” of these kids. (The picture is rather large, so I decided to just link to it) Is it weird that I totally want the little punk boy? If I were that age (which I actually was back then) and if he were real he’d totally be my future boyfriend. He’s a little badass.
Dammit, I can’t think of anything else to say today. I’m going to go play Snow Bowling on Orisinal, because knocking people down with giant snowballs is Teh Funnie! Although I completely suck at it, though. My pathetically pathetic high score is 894, which is considerably higher than my previous pathetically pathetic high score of around 530-something, but good lord, I can’t POSSIBLY get 80,000 freaking points, which is the highest high score on the list. Whoever got that many points must have spent an insane amount of time on that game and not lost any snowballs.
I don’t feel like doing it today, but tomorrow, or maybe the next day, I’m going to take one “To the Editor/Dear Highlights” letter from each of my old Highlights magazine, and “reply” to it with a sarcastic answer.
10.03.03 (again)
I made all these up. At least I think I did. I haven’t seen them anywhere.
Gallant goes to church on a regular basis. Goofus reasons that if God is everywhere, he and the Almighty are going to stay home, smoke some pot and watch Spongebob Squarepants.
Gallant makes sure his carry-on luggage contains no harmful items, or anything that could be mistaken for a harmful item. Goofus throws Ziplock baggies of powdered sugar into his carry-on.
Gallant always keeps his room tidy. Goofus kicks away some dirty underwear to make a path to get to his bed.
Gallant’s favorite movie is “Chocolat.” Goofus’s favorite movie is “I dunno. Anything in the Girls Gone Wild series, I guess.”
Gallant spends his time reading intellectual tomes. Goofus wouldn’t know what a “tome” was if a dictionary hit him on the head, and spends his time reading “Penthouse.”
Gallant drinks Vanilla Coke. Goofus drinks Pepsi Vanilla.
When in chat rooms, Gallant always uses proper spelling and grammar, and never inquires as to the personal information of his fellow chat-room mates. Goofus types “whut up beeeyotch r u hot?”
Gallant makes sure to do his laundry at least once a week. Goofus says, “If you can’t see the dirt, it’s clean enough.”
Gallant hosts meetings for important clients at his law firm. Goofus once played for a stray cat and three six-year-olds with his garage band.
10.03.03
More “Thoughts From Looking Through My Parents’ Music Collection”:
--My mom liked Styx?
--My MOM liked STYX.
--Barry Manilow. Wow. That's frightening.
--My parents have a Queen 8-track. I'm not sure if that's really, really cool, or really, really sad.
--Hippie!
--Chicago, Chicago, Chicago ... boy, somebody sure does love Chicago.
--My parents have a Journey 8-track. That IS really sad. *laughs uproariously*
--Wow. Linda Ronstadt in hot pants. I'm not sure if I have seen, or ever will see a more frightening image.
--Foghat? There’s ACTUALLY a band called “Foghat”? Holy crap! I always thought Jim Carrey was just making that up!!
--Ew! Ew! Ew! Kris Kristofferson and Barbra Streisand! EEWWWWWW!!! *toss away quickly*
--Who the hell is this guy? He looks like another freakin’ hippie.
This has been “More Thoughts From Looking Through My Parents’ Music Collection.”
I counted all the Highlights issues I’d found in the pile o’ crap I mentioned yesterday and I’ve found over two dozen issues. 28, actually. I know for an absolute fact I have WAY more than that, since I got them for like six or seven years. The search is on!
10.02.03
God dammit. I was digging through some crap yesterday and found like ten more Highlights issues from like the late 80s and early 90s. I know for a fact I have like freakin’ ten dozen of the little bastards but I don’t know where they are. I was reading/skimming all of them yesterday, and doing all the Hidden Pictures that I never did as a kid. Hidden Pictures was like—there was a big picture, and there were little images hidden in the picture, hence the name. I never really noticed this by the way, but they were always on page 14. Anyway, sometimes they’re like, “Oh, there’s the moon ... there’s the flower ... there’s the squirrel ... there’s Mary-Kate Olsen...” or something like that. Real easy, you know? And then there’s like, “Okay, ...goat. Where’s the goat? Where the hell is the fucking goat??? I can’t find the goddamn goat!” Like yesterday—the big pictures have titles and yesterday I was doing “Rapunzel.” (from like... 1988 I believe) There’s a candle hidden somewhere in “Rapunzel” and I can’t find the goddamn thing ANYWHERE. I’ve even tried the method of “turn the page around” but I still can’t find the goddamn thing. I’ve found everything BUT that goddamn candle. I’ll probably never find it. There probably isn’t even a candle in the picture and they decided to put it into the list just to warp with little kids’ minds.
On highlightskids.com they have a sort of quasi-Choose Your Own Damn Adventure story with Goofus and Gallant. I don’t know if they change it like every week or month or whatever, but that’s what they were talking about—and taking—the other day on Gustav and Daria. (Daria kept saying “Gustav and Gallant” by accident, which was Teh Funnie) Anyway, the story is basically, you have a science project and do you want to team up with Foreign Exchange Student, Oskar? If you pick mostly Goofus answers you end up in a crack-house in northern Ohio ... no, actually, you just have to do more work on top of the unfinished science project. AND YOU ALSO GET FUCKING GODDAMN SOGGY TUNA (your water bottle leaked all over it) if you refuse to let Oskar sit with you. Okay. What the fucking hell? Soggy fucking tuna? Okay. Not letting someone sit with you may be kinda bad but seriously it is not soggy-tuna bad. Anyway, back to the science project. If it were me, I would just wait until the day it’s due, pull something out of the refrigerator and call it “Our Friend Mold.” (Or the freezer, and call it “Our Friend Freezer-Burn.” “See, it smells funny, too.”) But basically the moral of the story is, as Daria said, “You can pick mostly Goofus answers as long as you pick the right thing at the very end.” Or something similar. (When they got to the “do you go over to your friend’s house to play video games, or do you work on your project” question, Daria was like “Oh, I know what Gustav’s pickin’.” Gustav [not exact quote, but then again neither is Daria’s]: “Screw the project, I’m playing Quasar Quest!” Teh Funnie. And what I would do too. “No, wait, just let me beat my high score!”)
10.01.03
More Highlights ... um, highlights. (Please excuse the pun.) This time it will be about Goofus and Gallant. Now if you don’t remember, or never got Highlights, G+G (which is what I will be referring to both of them together from now on as I am lazy. Like Goofus.) was a “comic” of sorts in which Goofus did something rude or obnoxious and Gallant did pretty much the opposite. Kids were supposed to copy Gallant, I guess, and refrain from even thinking about doing anything Goofus-like. For example:
Goofus (to a babysitter): “You can’t tell me what to do! You’re not my mother.” Gallant gets his sitter’s permission before leaving for a friend’s house.
Now, G+G always confused me. I still have questions about it, like: Were G+G brothers? They do look alike except that Goofus had that cowlick-thing and Gallant always had combed-down bangs. But nowadays Goofus has combed-down bangs and Gallant has sort of a parted-in-the-middle look. (from highlightskids.com) Maybe Gallant let Goofus borrow his comb or something... Were they different aspects of the same person? This would make sense considering that they are NEVER in the same panel at the same time. Kinda like Clark Kent and Superman. Or maybe they live in different parts of the country or something, but their respective mothers do look similar. Maybe their mothers are identical twin sisters—which would make G+G cousins. Were their real names Goofus and Gallant? What kind of mother would name her kid something like “Goofus” or “Gallant”? Did their parents want them to get beat up on the school playground? Did they know in advance about G+G’s respective personalities? Did they originally have “real” names in the beginning, and then later changed them to Goofus and Gallant? I’d hate to be dating or married to a guy with the name of “Goofus.” And finally, is it me or did Goofus always seem infinitely cooler than Gallant? I mean Gallant was always saying stuff like “It’s Sunday, we have to go to church.” I imagine Goofus retaliating with something like “God is everywhere, right? So he and I have decided to stay home and watch cartoons.” Which is basically my prerogative. I am so very, very Goofus.
9.30.03 (again)
I forgot earlier I made up a fake letter to send to Highlights (which I won’t actually be doing), complete with misspellings:
Dear highlights.
I am nine yers old. All my freinds like Britney Spears and Justin Timebrlake. I like Elvis Costello. he is cool. I like “I don’t want to go to chelsee.” it is my favorite song by him. It makes me dance. it is cool. My freinds think I’m wierd for liking Elvis costello. they say he is old. Am I weird.
9.30.03
I caught the loach a total of 16 times so far. But I won’t be catching it for a while now because I’m now playing Banjo-Tooie.
Yesterday on Gustav and Daria they were talking about Highlights magazine. I used to get Highlights when I was a kid and found some old issues from the late 80’s-early 90’s. They used to have this thing called “To the Editor” which was the grade-school, incredibly-Christian version of “Dear Abby.” I used to hate it and now I know why—because it was so goddamn patronizing. If I were to have answered the kids’ letters I’d be so incredibly sarcastic. I’d be the worst kid-advice columnist ever. Here are some examples of actual letters from actual kids in actual Highlights magazines, with my sarcastic answers. I wonder how old these kids are now, since these are from 10-15 years ago:
My friends always bother me. One of my friends always smacks me. The other gives me headlocks, squeezes his head between his legs, and calls me a sissy. --Ryan S., Iowa Your friends are assholes. Get new friends.
I’m having a birthday party. I’m going to invite my church friends. But there’s this one kid who acts mean to me. She blames me for everything. My mom thinks if I don’t invite her she’ll feel left out. She’s made me feel left out before. Should I invite her? --Krista N., Missouri Don’t invite this girl. She might eat all the cake, and then where would you be? You’ll have a mean girl at your party, and you won’t have any cake. So make a choice: friendship or cake. I know what I would choose.
I have a broken leg, and I can’t play with my friends. They blame me for breaking my leg. Now I don’t have any friends. --Daniel M., California Okay, seriously? Your friends are unsympathetic little bastards. Find some people who will cater to your every whim and bring you things in bed.
Oh, and while I was looking through an old issue from March 1986 I came across the freakiest thing EVER. Now, when I got this issue—I remember Highlights issues coming a month early—I was nearly seven years old. (My birthday is March 26) Tell me honestly that this would not completely freak out a seven-year-old child:
I wrote all the handwritten stuff on there. If you can’t read it (a combination of my horrible penmanship and it being too small), the boy’s saying “Can’t sleep … clown’ll eat me … can’t sleep … clown’ll eat me …” The Evil Leprechaun is saying, “Your children are not safe!” The message with the arrow pointing at the Evil Leprechaun says “This is the most evil-looking thing EVER.” Underneath how to make it it says “Use the puppet to scare the piss out of your younger siblings.” This was from a feature called “Things to Make.” I don’t recall ever making anything from “Things to Make.”
9.24.03
Since I’ve caught the Hylian Loach another five times since yesterday, I now consider myself an expert at catching it. And oh, I forgot one more thing you need in order to catch it—INFINITE PATIENCE. Oh! This morning I was playing the fishing game and there were TWO loaches in the pond at the same time. I was bound and determined to catch both of them, and I did. Took me about an hour and fifteen minutes to snag both. (I don’t mean an hour and fifteen minutes for each of them. The first one took me like half-an-hour to catch and the second one about forty-five minutes). And yesterday I caught it another three times. So that brings my total up to nine. That’s gotta be some sort of a record. I wrote down the stats for each time I caught it from the first time I did and here they are:
1. Child/18 lbs/sinking/night 2. Child/16 lbs/regular/night 3. Adult/33 lbs/sinking/day 4. Adult/34 lbs/sinking/day 5. Adult/31 lbs/sinking/day 6. Adult/30 lbs/sinking/day 7. Adult/30 lbs/sinking/day 8. Child/17 lbs/sinking/day 9. Child/16 lbs/sinking/day
Off the subject of my loach-owning-skills, I recorded last night’s Letterman because Elvis Costello was on there and I love him. I thought I would be asleep but I ended up watching “Mostly True Stories: Urban Legends Revealed” on TLC. That show is so badass. Anyway, last night I had a dream that my parents and I were watching TV and Elvis Costello was on there and my mom said “He sounds funny when he sings.” I’m like “Uh … no he doesn’t.” And then my dad was like “There’s no substance to him” or something like that, and I was like “You people are crazy and/or high. What are you, on crack? How could someone who sings lines like ‘Sometimes I almost feel just like a human being’ (which I so want to put on a T-shirt) not have ‘substance’? ” Even in dreams I get really defensive when someone knocks an artist I like. But I don’t know what to categorize Elvis Costello as because no two of his songs sound alike. I mean you listen to “So Like Candy” or “This is Hell” and you think, “This can’t POSSIBLY be the same guy who sings ‘I Don’t Want to Go to Chelsea’ or ‘Pump it Up.’” Anyway, enough about my Costello-lovings.
Also you may notice the little Janeane button is gone. This is because the site that it went to no longer exists.
9.23.03
As promised, here are the screenshots of Link catching the Hylian Loach without the Sinking Lure.
I think the loach becomes easier to catch once you’ve already caught him. I caught him again yesterday, twice. So that’s four times I’ve caught the little bastard. But the last two times were with the sinking lure. And I don’t know if my doing the Crooked Cartridge (and beating the first three “kid” dungeons without a sword) has anything to do with it, either. I think I should write an FAQ on how to catch the loach. Anyway. The first time I caught it, I was a kid, it was night (I think), and I was using the sinking lure. It weighed 18 lbs. Second time, was a COMPLETE surprise. I was not even expecting it to bite and it did. Kid, night, regular lure, 16 lbs. (those pictures above are of that). Third time, I was an adult, using the sinking lure, it was daytime, and it weighed 33 lbs. Fourth time (which was on the same day—real time), adult, sinking lure, daytime, 34 lbs.
The way I caught him was, I got the sinking lure and just cast it into the pond. Sometimes I would hear the “thap” noise that it makes when it comes up for air, so I knew it was in there. I rarely use the “iron boots and blue tunic” trick because the clanking of the boots will scare it away no matter where you are in relation to the loach. It works fine if you just cast the line into the water, let the camera sink, and reel the line in slowly so you can scan under the water for the loach. Once you see it try to get the sinking lure as close to it as possible, but not too close. You don’t want it touching his mouth, you want it about an inch away from it. Don’t move the lure unless another fish tries to bite it, and if this happens, don’t press any buttons. When the fish lets go, don’t move Link at all and just cast the line again, unless the loach has moved in which case you should move Link in that direction. And another thing. I personally always cast from the log. The farther away the loach is from the log (or wherever you’re casting from) the less you actually have to rotate Link to get the line near him. I mean you only move him the most infinitesimal amount. If the loach kind of moves forward a little bit but doesn’t go up for air, you’re thisclose to catching him. Move the lure just a little and chances are quite good he’ll lunge for and bite it. Then just set the hook and reel him in!
I’ve got more Crooked Cartridge oddities, too:
The Sexually-Crazed Kokiri: If you visit Princess Zelda before the Deku Tree via CC, go back to Kokiri Forest and check out that one Kokiri boy who is trying to pick up the rocks near Mido’s house. Face him from the opposite side of the rock and he will turn around but he will still make the “picking up the rock” motion. Just check out his thrusting motions… (Also he will tell you about your Slingshot even if you don’t have one yet!)
Sword Without the Sword: Beat all three kid dungeons without getting the Kokiri Sword. Then go to Hyrule Castle—still without getting the sword—and view the Zelda-running-away-from-Ganon cutscene. When Ganon talks to Link, the boy will pull out his sword even though you never got one!
