That goddamn bird is screeching again. *goes into bird's room* "Three words, bird: Kentucky Fried Cockatoo!"
I didn't get to bed (literally, I was downstairs watching VH1) until 5 am this morning. This is when you know you're obsessed with a song, (yes, it's the Muppet Song again) when you will watch VH1 until FIVE AM just to hear it. ("I need to hear that sooonnnnnggg!") Lovely. And I woke up at ten, so I just decided to wash my hair, and go on the computer, and then I felt like watching "Tenchi the Movie 2: The Daughter of Darkness."
Kree kree kree. God I'm fucking HUNGRY!! (I get very vocal when I'm hungry) And there's nothing to eat! I know I said I could live on peanut butter but I am getting a wee bit sick of it. Peanut-butter-and-lettuce sandwiches are TO DIE FOR. Yeah, I know you're saying "ick!" but hey, like my mom used to say to me when I was little, "don't knock it till you've tried it." I learned about them from a book I read when I was younger.
Quote of the Day (yes, another one): "Anybody have any money? It's for the Julie Coffee Fund." --Julie R. (from highschool)
I was thinking the other day of when I was in Florida for Christmas 1997, and it was like, 90 fucking degrees outside. I'm sorry, that's wrong. I mean it was CHRISTMAS for godsakes and I'm walking with my cousin, and I'm sweltering, and when I get back to the hotel room I pour cold water on my head and sit, like, directly under the air conditioner thingy, which is turned up full blast. And then one day while I was there my sun-worshipping aunt had the audacity to ask me if I wanted to go out and lay in the sun with her. "Uh, no," I said. I was watching TV (I think it was MTV but I can't remember) and she said "You're wasting your life away, you know that?" Yeah. Like laying out in the sun is ANY more productive than watching TV. Besides, I'd like to try to get through life without getting melanoma, thank you very much.
I'm going to get what I call "that Dante book." I read like a condensed version of it in a multi-story book and from what I read it is SO cool. Also I have a site bookmarked with all the cantos and I'm on... let's see ... I think the fourth circle of hell. Isn't that the one where everyone has to roll stones? I forget ... anywhoozle.... maybe it's the fifth. I gotta check it again. I once wrote a story with some other people (it was a creative writing assignment), and I named the characters after some friends. Any....way, (heh heh) it's basically about this group of friends who find a cave that leads to Hell. It's kinda stupid actually.
OW!!! FUCK!! I"ve got a fucking canker sore!!!! Ohhh!! I hate these things!!!!
Just because I feel like it, here's some Powerpuff Girls fanart I drew. This is Bubbles sleeping and Buttercup about to pour water on her to shut her up:
I love the Powerpuff Girls. Buttercup (Cuppo, I call her) just kicks so much ass.
Sayonara. (Hey, look, now I'm bilingual. Yay me.)
8.11.02
Yes, it's 1:20 am and I'm sitting here typing out my fucking life story that nobody cares about. Anywhoozle ... I'm downloading this awesome song right now. It's called "Autumn of Life" from Tenchi Universe, the episode "No Need for Ryoko." If you've seen it, you'll know which one it is; it's the song that plays in the background when Ryoko "dies." It's so beautiful and haunting and ethereal. I love Ryoko. She's so cool. I love how she can get what she wants and do what she wants, and likes to have fun and eat and party and doesn't care what anyone thinks of her.
Quote of the Night: "'Nice'? What is 'nice'?" --Janeane Garofalo, in Portland, OR 3-8-02 (I had like crap-assed seats--but next time--NEXT TIME...)
Current favorite words: cacophony, sidle, repose, stamina, rapturous
Ever done something where you feel really stupid afterwards? One night about a month ago a yellowjacket flew into my room, and I don't know if you've ever gotten stung by a yellowjacket, but trust me, you DON'T want to. Anywhoozle (god dammit I've GOT to stop using that word ... maybe ^_- ... but I fucking love that word), I spent like half a fucking hour trying to figure out how the hell to get that little bastard out of my room without getting stung... and then I looked on top of my bookshelf and saw the fucking RAID!!!! I coulda sprayed the life outta that fucker!! And I'm sitting there, scared to death, since I can't fucking stand yellowjackets, and all that time there was a fucking can of insecticide in my room.
Has anyone ever felt guilty for killing a bug? One time there was a--I don't think it was a mosquito, but it kinda looked like one. Maybe it was a mayfly. Anyway, he was flitting around my TV (hmm ... flitting... doesn't that sound really gay?), and I got pissed off and took some tweezers and picked him up by his body, and he didn't die then. Then I held its body in my hand and squished its head with the tweezers. He died instantly. (Or maybe she. I don't know) Afterwards I felt like really guilty for some reason! I mean it was just a fucking bug and I'm like "Oh my GOD I KILLED it!!"
Once again we part.
8.10.02
Ahh, the mysteries of life. Such as: How the fucking HELL could I have weighed 114 lbs yesterday, BEFORE eating a peanut butter-and-honey sandwich (I could fucking LIVE on peanut butter!), a can of black olives WITH cream cheese, a Vanilla Coke, five little miniature donuts (advice: never eat powdered donuts while wearing a black shirt), two Taco Bell Taco Supremes (sans tomatoes, since I HATE them), a bag of Mexi-Nuggets, a Pepsi, and an ENTIRE fucking pint of Haagen-Dazs Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream, (fuck 8.7.02's advice) and managed to LOSE two fucking pounds? Man, this is REALLY pissing me off.
I feel all phili-fucking-sophical right now. But you know when I REALLY feel philosophical? When I get off an airplane. I don't know if it's the crap-assed food (*dryly*: mmm ... dry bread and fake-assed butter), the dry air, the screaming kid behind me or what, but I just have to ponder the mysteries of the universe after departing a plane. Once it was: Why do ceilings have little bumps on them? I mean, seriously, think about it.
Creed must be stopped. NOW. Nickelback too. I swear to all the gods that ever were, are or ever will be that I fucking HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE Creed and Nickelback. I HATE that stupid Nickelback song, I forget what it's called, the one that goes something like "never made it as a wise man..." then I block it out... or change the station, or turn down the radio; but I swear to god, the radio station my mom listens to, they play it like, oh, every 20 minutes. One of these days I'm going to call the DJ when they play that song and be like, "You play that song again and I'll come and gouge your fucking eyes out with rusty fish hooks!"
Shit, now that stupid-assed Nickelback song is STUCK IN MY FUCKING HEAD!!! *rapturously* Ahhhh, Weezer. Thaaaaat's better. *dances* God I FUCKING LOVE that song. Hey, I even remember the name of it now, but I still call it the Muppet Song. I don't know the lead guy's name (I don't have any of their CDs... yet) but he's awfully fucking hot.
Sob sob... Eric got booted out of the Big Brother house Thursday. God fucking dammit. He was the sole reason I watched that show!! (Is it me or does he look kinda like Johnny Knoxville from MTV? In fact I always referred to Eric as "Knoxville.") Dammit, he was fucking HOT!! Crap, now I have to find a new guy on that show to ogle. Not God-Boy (Jason), or Sleaze-Boy (Josh), or Stud-Assed Boy (Roddy), and certainly not Old-Fat-Assed-Guy (forget his name).
My parents are coming back from Canada tomorrow. I gave my mom all of my leftover Canadian money from the last time I was there, and hopefully she'll bring back the book, (Emily's Quest by L.M. Montgomery) CD, (PJ Harvey--Rid of Me) and Nestle mint Aero bars that I requested. (If you've never had a Nestle mint Aero bar, get your ass up to Canada and buy, like, ten. They're so creamy and good.)
I'm reading this awesome book right now. It's actually my mom's but I "borrowed" it from her. It's called "Communion: A True Story." This guy goes to bed on Christmas night 1985, and then allegedly gets abducted by aliens, and a lot of the book is transcripts of hypnotic regression. It's SO cool. I do believe in aliens, and I think you'd have to be pretty fucking concieted to think that we are the only life in a universe that's, like, forty bajillion light years wide.
Man, my fingers are getting tired. See ya.
8.9.02
Advice of the Day: Read "Catcher in the Rye." NOW. It's SO good. This is really weird but Sunday night I was watching Ebert and Roeper (even though I hate their fucking guts), and one of the movies--I forget the name of it--had a clip where a cashier at a supermarket or something had a nametag that said "Holden," and he was reading a book, and the chick asked him what book he was reading.
"Catcher in the Rye," I said without missing a beat.
"Catcher in the Rye," the cashier said, after a few seconds. "I was named after it."
Me: "Yes! Yes! Yes! I knew it!!! I fucking LOVE that book!!"
Quote of the Day: "It's absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We've got men, we've got rockets, we've got Saran Wrap--FIX IT!" --Lewis Black (on Comedy Central Presents)
(Homer Simpson voice) Mmmm ... donut ...
I just looked at my dog, and man is he fat. I swear he's the most fucking spoiled dog in the world. Also the laziest. The other day he was lying down and then he got up, walked about ten or fifteen feet, turned around three times, groaned, and plopped down again. "Wow," I said to him, "that must have been extraordinarily exhausting. I'm sure I could never have the stamina to walk halfway across the living room. You've earned that repose." I swear he's got two settings: "Off" and "Hyperdrive." (Right now he's "Off.") "Hyperdrive," mostly when we're outside and I'm walking him and he goes running after everything that moves, or inside when he's being Super Hyper Turbo Puppy and does that thing where he all of a sudden for no apparent reason just runs around the living room at mach 10.
Oh, oh, oh! I was gonna say this yesterday and I forgot. I saw the funniest fucking commercial the other day. There's this angry chicken that chases this guy around. I forget what it's for but it is so fucking funny. Chickens are always funny, especially angry chickens that chase people around. Toodles.
8.8.02 (again)
Well, my parents left for Canada tonight, which means I can do whatever the fuck I want for two days. I think I'll attempt world domination--after I eat some ice cream.
Here's a song I wrote (I even wrote music! I'm so proud of me):
*Soul*
you'd better let yourself go
before you have to sell your soul
they'll come and SUCK it out baby
you'd better be on your guard
even though it might be hard
don't let them have your soul baby
you'd better watch them now
they'll come when you're not looking
you'd better watch them now
they'll come when you're not paying attention
you'd better let yourself go
before you have to sell your soul
it's too late, they HAVE IT baby.
Dammit, I'm running out of original ways to say goodbye.
8.8.02
Since you're probably sick of hearing about the commercials I hate, I thought I'd be nice (for ten seconds) and rattle off some commercials I like: Any M&Ms commercial, those Geico gecko commercials (he's so fucking cute!), that Pontiac Vibe commercial with the kickass music (every time that commercial comes on I have to freedance to it), this commercial that only comes around during Christmas with a dog and a cat looking for their presents and the cat says "I smell catnip" and the dog goes "Don't inhale." and the cat says "Too late. Wooo!" I fucking LOVE that one.
(Mantra) Kill ... the ... bird ... Kill ... the ... bird ... Kill-- *snaps* Oh, what?
I'm so fucking sleepy... I woke up at like ten this morning, which is like three hours earlier than I usually get up. (I'm a night owl) Anywhoozle ... (Janeane, I'm stealing your word! Mwa ha ha haaa!) goddammit I'm fucking BORED. Can't wait for Saturday. My parents are probably going to Canada so I'll have the entire house to myself--oh, wait, there's that child, meaning my brother. Well all I can say is he'd better not bounce that fucking basketball in his room or I'm gonna fucking deflate it. And then hide it. Well, maybe one of his stupid little friends will invite him over so I can listen to Polly Jean Harvey at full volume.
I love that new Weezer song... I keep forgetting the name of it since I've only seen the video twice but it's the one with the Muppets so I call it the Muppet Song. In fact it's stuck in my head right now. *dances*
If anyone cares, I have my own little terms for certain types of songs:
Orange Juice song: A song that I don't like unless I'm in the mood for it. (U2 "Beautiful Day")
Tomato-and-Mushroom song: A song that I hated when it first came out, I hate it now, and there's a pretty damn good chance I'll hate it in the future. (Creed, Nickelback, Craptina Agumalaria...)
Cashew Song: A song that I hated at first but now I like. (Train's "Drops of Jupiter" comes to mind)
Chocolate Song: Self explanatory... (Garbage, PJ Harvey...)
Cootie Song: A song that gets stuck in my head and won't get out. So called because you get rid of it by passing it on to other people, like cooties. (Pretty much anything. Right now it's "Beautiful Day" by U2)
Me: I hate that bird.
My brother: Join the club. We meet every Friday at nine, in the attic.
8.7.02
I swear if I never hear that godawful Old Navy "Brady Bunch"-esque commercial ever again, I will die a happy girl. I swear every time that fucking commercial comes on I want to throw a brick at my TV.
Advice of the Day: Never attempt to eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream in one sitting. Ooooohhh... my stomach...
My kitty is awesome. Just thought I'd say that.
Sigh. I've been on the internet for about ten minutes and I'm already bored. Ciao mein noodle.
8.5.02
A word of advice: Never, ever, ever do, like, four loads of laundry in a row. Trust me on this one. I speak from experience.
I watched "Romy and Michelle's Highschool Reunion" last night on ABC Family channel. I really only watched it for Janeane, but she was only in it for about a total of 20 minutes so I didn't like it too well. I did like her character though (she's the kind of girl I'd be friends with), and I LOVED the fact that since it was on ABC FAMILY, whenever she said "Fuck off" they'd dubbed in "Flake off." Which was extraordinarily hilarious. And what was up with that dream sequence? It went on for like a fucking half hour and I didn't even KNOW it was a fucking dream sequence until it ended!! Gods, people, when you do dream sequences, they should be no longer than five minutes, max, AND you should fucking WARN people by doing one of those ripply-wavy effects or something.
God dammit, there's a fucking fly on my donut... *waves fly off*
I think I'll count all the times I've said "fuck," or a variation thereof, including the one in this sentence, and the top paragraph: 42
Pulp Fiction, eat yer fucking (43) heart out.
8.4.02
Well, it *would* be 8.3.02 if I'd done this ten minutes earlier. As it happens, it's 12:06 AM, so technically it's Sunday...
Now I remember what I was going to say yesterday. You know that commercial for Mike's Hard Iced Tea? The guy with the evil head? I swear I don't know whether I love that commercial or hate it. It's like a car wreck with mangled bodies inside. You don't *want* to look at it, but you can't help it. Every time that commercial comes on my eyes are glued to the fucking screen and yet my brain is saying "I hate this commercial, I hate this commercial," and my eyes are saying "No you don't. No you don't."
I was thinking about the halcyon days of my youth *sarcasm intended* and back to my freshman year of highschool, or as I like to refer to it, The Hell Year. Why The Hell Year, you are perchance asking? It was because that was the year I had to take P.E. GODS I FUCKING HATED P.E.!!!!!! HATED HATED HATED HATED HATED!!!!! Fifty-five minutes of PURE ... FUCKING ... TORTURE. There, I think that got my point across nicely. Actually, I was lucky I had it my freshman year, because my sophomore year they incorporated the "block schedule," and if I'd had to take P.E. my sophomore year I would have had to endure an hour and a half of painfully strenuous exercise. ("I don't have the stamina!!") I swear I had "cramps" like, every three days, and this was BEFORE the mandatory "two laps around the track, NO walking." The worst part was jumping hurdles. I fucking HATED jumping hurdles, because first you have to run, which I suck at (I don't run. I mean, if there was something behind me that was going to kill me--knife weilding maniac, fire, bullet ... rogue asteroid--THEN I'd run, but I NEVER EVER EVER run just to run. If you ever see a girl running and there's nothing deadly chasing her, or there's no big black Labrador retriever dragging her along, then you can bet your ass it ain't me), and then jump, and not just jump, but fucking LEAP, which I suck at even more. I don't believe in Hell, but if I did, Hell is a place where they make you jump hurdles. I swear to God this would be me in Hell:
[Mystical Chicken (that would be me) goes up to a hurdle and stops short]
Devil: What are you waiting for?
Me: Um.. isn't there, like, a little lever ... a switch or something, you can flip, and it'll go down ... cause ... I can't jump that high.
Devil: Yes, you can.
Me: No, I can't.
Devil: Yes you can.
Me: No, I CAN'T.
Devil: Yes--
Me: NO I CAN'T!!!
[Pause]
Devil: Jump the hurdle.
Me: No.
Devil: Jump ... the ... hurdle.
Me: No!
Devil: Jump the FUCKING [kick] hurdle!
Me: [heaving long sigh, not jumping but stepping over the hurdle] God I hate this fucking place.
[I don't move]
Devil: There's thirty thousand more, I don't know what you're waiting for...
Back to P.E. class now... Even worse than the strenuous exercise, changing clothes in the locker room. I swear to god I was the skinniest fucking thing you ever saw. I swear when I was little I could hide behind a pencil (because not only was I really thin, I was also less than five inches high ^_^). And I swear EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY everybody--EVERYBODY--had to ask me the same fucking question:
"Are you anorexic?" Shut the fuck up!! [punch in face]
NO!!! I am not fucking anorexic!! In fact whatever the opposite of anorexia is, that's what I have!! I eat like a fucking PIG!! Is it MY fault that I was "blessed" with the metabolism of a fucking HUMMINGBIRD??!! I hate being skinny!! I hate it! I WISH I could gain ten fucking pounds!! Then I'd be at, what, 120? And I'm 5'8"... gods I envy Janeane Garofalo. I so wish I was short and cute like her...
Well, that's it for now.
8.2.02
I was watching TV this morning (I'm addicted to "Beat the Geeks") and saw one of those "save the children" ads. Gods, don't you just LOVE how those commercials lay a fucking guilt trip on you? "Sponsor a child or he will DIE!! And it'll be your fault! Look at little Timmy! LOOK at him! He is bloated and yet his ribs show!! And it is YOUR fault! YOU are responsible for this child's inevitable demise because (snarling voice) you bought your coffee this morning and didn't give this child your eighty cents! (Pause) Look! Now little Timmy is dead! And it's all your fault, you vicious, vile, murderous CREATURE!!!" Yeeeeah.
I had a weird dream last night. I dreamed someone was trying to stab me and I had a grenade and threw it at him (actually I don't really know if it was a guy or a girl, since it was dark), and the grenade bounced against something and came back and landed on ME. I grabbed it and threw it as hard as I could and it exploded in mid-air. Then someone handed me a knife (the handle was made of rubber, at least it felt like it), and I thrust it into my attacker. Then *I* was bleeding from my face. And then I was in a public restroom in the daytime, but the building it was in was made of something like bamboo. This is one of several dreams I've had where someone has killed me or has tried to kill me.
Now for something a *little* less morbid than starving "Ether-nopians" (South Park) and deadly nightmares. Go buy PJ Harvey's "To Bring You My Love." Now. Go. Do it. Unless you hate rock music, you will not be sorry. I swear to all the gods that ever were, are or ever will be that "Long Snake Moan" is the coolest fucking song. And I love "The Dancer"! I love the line "He said 'dance for me franciulla gentil.'" In fact here are some pictures of Polly Jean Harvey for your enjoyment:
Gods she kicks ass.
Shit!! God dammit, I had something I really wanted to say but I've completely forgotten what it was! Don't you just hate when that happens? Well, I'll probably think of it at like two in the morning, or even worse, the second I turn my computer off (this fucking computer takes like 15 minutes to boot up), and then inevitably forget it when I want to say it. Aaaaggh!!
.won rof eybdooG
8.1.02
I swear to God I'm going to fucking kill that bird. Ah, what bird, you say? Just my mom's fucking cockatoo that NEVER SHUTS UP. Never buy a cockatoo. You'll be a better person for it, plus you won't go deaf.
I've got one of the songs from "Shrek" stuck in my head... which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I love the music to that movie. In fact that's one of my favorite movies just *because* of the music, especially that one that goes "Love is not a victory march ... it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah" 'cause that part makes me cry. "Shrek" isn't my *favorite* movie, though. That goes to "American Beauty," which I've seen at *least* twelve times (but haven't memorized yet--phoo). You'd think after seeing a movie twelve times you'd be able to memorize it!! I mean I can memorize entire fucking Disney movies after only three times seeing *them*!
More Commercials that Suck!! Let's see ... any of the Subway Jared ads (gods I hope he gets run over with a pizza truck. Ah, wouldn't *that* be ironic?), that "Venus" razor commericial, cause I fucking hate that song, ... hmm, already did Kelly "Snake" Ripa ... gods I'm having a brain fart.
Motto: "If Shirley Manson likes it, I like it."
Just thought I'd throw that in there. It's true, you know. I never lie. I hate liars. I swear if someone lies to me I won't have anything to do with them.
Fare thee well, my lovelies.
Let's see, what's today's date ... ahh ...(checks watch) 7.31.02
And what the hell have I done today? Nothing. Absolutely, positively, nothing. I'm a fucking lump today. Oh, sure, I walked the dog (or .... should that be "the dog walked me"?), listened to PJ Harvey, who is incredibly amazing, played a little hand-held Solitaire game (I totally fucking kick ass at Solitaire!), filled in three or four words in a crossword puzzle before becoming inherently bored with it, watched a little TV (I really don't watch that much television. I'm more into music), went outside in the fucking hot sun and turned over blocks of wood to see the invertabrate life underneath (lots of slugs and wolf spiders--ick). I wish I could have gone to work today. (I don't drive!) I seriously do. I just started volunteering at the animal shelter dealie thingy at the mall. I swear if I'd have known how fucking fun it was I'd have started a LONG time ago. I get to carry kittens around!! ^_^ Believe me, you just haven't lived until you've had a hot little kitten snuggle up against your shoulder--and then jam its claws into your neck.
Here's something I heard the other day that would make Janeane Garofalo freak if she heard about it (I fucking love Janeane!! She's so fucking cool!!!): Diet water.
Have you finished laughing yet? Good. I swear to all the gods that ever were, are or ever will be that this is true. I saw it on a commercial. And it's not that one with Kelly Ripa either. I fucking hate Kelly Ripa. I hate the way she says "tastesssss" in that commercial. If you were meant to be a snake, Kelly, the gods would have made you a snake. In fact I think you probably *were* meant to be a snake and somebody up there messed up. But maybe not, because I love snakes, and if Kelly Ripa was meant to be a snake, does that mean I'd love her? Uggh, I shudder to think...
I also fucking hate that Nair commercial with the chick in the bathtub. I hate that chick because she looks like Rachel Matzke, whom I inherently despise. (Rachel Matzke was this chick I went to highschool with. I hate her.) I hate the way that chick talks and the way she has to fucking move her head from side to side when she talks. And I HATE the singing in that commercial!!
Well that's it for today, I'm tired of typing.