Yes. I am a sick person. I know this. I'm seeking help. Actually, it's gotten more soap opera-y than erotic, but it's still a lovey story about the evil. Because you know you want it. Oh, so far, all Lord of the Rings evil. Which frankly gives us a lot of room for more.

Your legs tremble as you feel the heat of his gaze on your body.

I see you is all he says.

'Oh, Sauron,' you murmur, blushing furiously, 'Do you, Sauron? Do you really?'

He doesn't reply, but his eye remains fixed on you.

'What do you want to do?' you ask timidly.

Still no answer, merely the constant glare of that powerful, manly eye.

'Should I take off the rest of my clothes?' You run a fingertip over the lace of your bra.

He continues to glare. You pout. This is getting a little old.

'Hey! Sauron! Are you awake?'

He's apparently awake, because his pupil narrows and he glares even more than before. But he still doesn't speak and he certainly doesn't reach for you. Which is, quite frankly, rude at this point. Your pout turns to a frown.

'Are we gonna fuck or what?' you snap.

His pupil dilates in shock.

'What?' you roll your eyes and shimmy a little in front of him, 'Scared of girls, are we? Didn't realise that was what I was here for? Geez, you big dumb ox, do you really think I climbed all the way up here just for tea and scones?'

The eye rolls slightly, embarrassed.

'Oh, so now you're not interested? Now that I've come all the way up here, and I'm practically naked, you aren't interested?'

The eye seems to cringe away a little.

'Performance anxiety?' you suggest, as kindly as you can, feeling sorry for him and not really knowing why. He's the ultimate power of evil, after all. 'I mean, I know you're a little on the limb-lacking side...'

You hadn't realised the eye had a lid. Actually, it doesn't, but somehow Sauron manages to close it away from you anyway.

'Goddamnit,' you growl.