ON THE OUTCOME OF THE HOCKEY GAME: (0520/93)
Mr. X asked me which hockey team I would cheer for, in the final playoffs.
MYSELF: I will cheer for whichever team wins.
MR. X: But, which team would you like to win?
MYSELF: The team, which, since it is better, deserves to win, since, by winning, it shall fulfil what it deserves.
MR. X But aren't you going tocheer for a team?
MYSELF: I shall wait until the game is over, then find out which team has won, afterwards watching a rerun of the game and cheering for that team which, I know, shouldwin. But, I will only watch the last ten seconds of the game, knowing already its proper outcome.
MR. X: But, do you always only cheer for the winner? What about in real life?
MYSELF: I cheer only for the ones who rightfully should win, who are usually the poorest of all in winning.
MR. AND MRS. BA: (06/24/93)
Ms. B married Mr. A, thereby becoming Mrs. BA, after signing, before marriage, a contract with Mr. A, which contract promised that neither B nor A would love the other more than the other loved its other, nor love the other more than any other.
"Oh, dear me!" said Mr. C, and many others, "do you really mean that neither one loves the other more than any other."
"Why, sure," said Mr. A, "for, in loving the other more than any other, we might not love our other, nor all others, as much as we ought."
"And also," added Mrs. BA, clearing the matter up straight forth, "if either loved their other more than any other, this particular other, which will have loved its other more than any other, might cause jealousy in its other, which, knowing that its other might love others either more or less than its own other, would fear that its own other might not love its other as much as it ought."
HOW ARE YOU? (07/19/93)
"Hi, Jeremy! How are you?
"Well, I am as well as I deserve to be, which is not nearly so well as I should freely decide to deserve to be."
MEDIA SEWER RATS (08/15/93
One of these media sewer rats is interviewing a hypothetical politician, trying to nail down an answer from him on a specific, but complicated, question.
JOURNALIST: But, Mr. A, you haven't answered the question.
MR. A Now, don't interrupt me. That's not nice. Now this is a question requiring much reflection and thought, since its solution must be of the most exemplary sort, not lacking in substance or weight...
JOURNALIST: But, Mr. A, is the answer 'yes' or 'no?'
MR. A: Both simultaneously, but neither one.
WHAT HE KNOWS ABOUT WHAT HE IS DOING (09/30.93)
Dear Sirs/Madames,
I assure you that, while he may not know what he is doing, he knows less little of what is doing than those who know less than they know that they are believing that they are doing, and that, if those who know less than they know that they are believing that they are doing were to know what they would be knowing if they knew what he knows that he is not knowing, then they would know more than they know.
Sincerely, Mr. Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz
WHAT HE HAS DONE (10/06/93)
Dear Sirs/Madames,
Indeed, I was not displeased to hear that he had done what he did, although I would have rather preferred that he do what he would now be doing had he done what, in doing, would have made him do more than is done, since, then, he might now be doing what he did not do, but, what, by doing, would make his task done.
Now, in asking myself why he is doing what he could not be doing had he done what would, by now, be done, a nagging question is bothering me: Who encouraged him to do what he did. Can you tell me that?
Ah, this is the question that is nagging me without end: Who dunnit?
Sincerely, Mr. Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz
WHAT KIND OF LOVE DO YOU WANT? (11/16/93)
I thought of this odd situation: a woman asks her boyfriend, "What kind of love do you want from me?" He answers, "The best love that money can buy." "Money cannot buy love," she retorts. "Then, let me have it for free," he says. "Ah," she says wisely, "but free love is the most costly of all."
THE TRUUUUTH WHICH WASN'T (11/27/93)
There was a man standing on the street corner, preaching the truuuuth, which, he said, it wasn't.
"There is no truuuuth, I say," he said, insisting that that was the truth, which, he said, it wasn't.
"Did you say that there was no truth," I asked, wondering whether he wasn't saying what he was saying wasn't.
"Yes, that is the truuuuth of the matter," he said, insisting that it wasn't.
"In that case," I said, "what you have just said isn't.
A MAN, VERY PERPLEXED, ASKS HIS WISE FRIEND THE SOLUTION TO A PROBLEM WHICH HE HAS (02/17/94)
MAN: My dear friend, will you please tell me this: I witnessed that John did good to Jack, who, thereby, did further good to John than had been done to himself by him. But, if Jack did good, of different measure than that done to him by John, and did that good to John, why, then, who did do that good to John which it seems he, himself did, but which he could not have done, since it was done by Jack? However, how could that good done him not have been done by himself, if it was himself who made the other able to do the good that he did?
WISE FRIEND: You want to know who did the good?
MAN: Yes, that would be very good.
WISE FRIEND: Well, that is a remarkable knot that you have just tied. It seems that both John and Jack, while doing good both to themselves and each other, could not have done that good to either, had each not had the other.
A PARROT (07/03/94)
I'm going to get myself a talking parrot, sometime, so that, when people come to see me, it will tell them, "Hello, My name is Aristotle. Help me square the circle." Then, when people hear this, it will continue, "What is the formula for God?"
JOURNALISTS AGAIN (08/23/94)
I found this among my notes, an idea which I had written and later forgot, which I was writing my last drama. There is a media journalist, who says, "You must make them know that which, by knowing, shall make them know what we know they ought to know, so that they, although knowing less, shall know more of what we say is worth knowing."
DID YOU EVER TRY IT, JACK? (09/20/94)
FRED: Hey, Jack! Did you ever try it?
JACK: Fred! If I am going to do it, I am going to do it, not try to do it, since, by trying
to do it, I might rather get it done to me, rather than do it. For, those who try it, might succeed in it, bringing about their own undoing, so that their success, in doing what they have tried to do, prevents them from doing how they should have done.
ON THE ORIGIN OF HER WISDOM (07/26/95)
MR.A: Goodness gracious! How did she ever become so wise?
MR. B: Why, by being so kind, for her kindness begets her wisdom.
MR. A: Then, in that case, whence comes her kindness, it that be the origin of her wisdom?
MR.B: Why, my good sir, from out her wisdom is her kindness born, for, how were she so kind were her kindness not of wisdom?
MR.A: But, then, heavens above! It were an odd paradox which says that she is wise because she is kind, but, then, that she is kind because she is wise!
MR.B: Well, I do say that, my good sir, and, further, that she is wise because her wisdom is kind, and kind because her kindness is wise.
MR.A: What? Then, if each of those qualities begets the other, is there not, therefore, some quality above each of them, from which both of these qualities come?
MR.B: Yes. It is called, "the quality of her being herself," which is her natural and eternal quality, so that all of the qualities which we love in her, such as her kindness and sweetness and wisdom, are only elements of this higher quality, her soul, the light that burns like a star upon us, indescribable in its beauty and beyond all words.
TO YOU, MR. TU (10/04/95)
I want to dedicate this to Mr. Wong Tu, to whom, since, as some say, he is too true to his tu-ness, the 'to' of this dedication be most worthy. Therefore, I say, "This 'to' to you, Mr. Tu! For, by being true to your tu-ness, which tu-ness be the measure of your true self, why, may my 'to' to you be ever a true 'to' and you, yourself, always be Tu!"
ARE YOU SAVED, SWEETIE-PIE?
MARTHA: Georgie, let me get to the fundamentals. If I am going to marry you, I need to know first: have you been saved?
GEORGE I've saved a lot, sweetie pie.
MARTHA: But, have you been saved?
GEORGE: Oh yes, sweetie, oh yes.
MARTHA: At K-Mart or at Sears?
A DIALOGUE BETWEEN "I" AND "U" (07/02/00)
Mr. U: "I," who do you think you are to say such a thing?
Mrs. I: Why do you assume that "I" knows the answer to that better than "U" ?
Mr. U: You ARE "I", idiot!
Mrs. I: Well, smartie pants! If "U" says that, "you are 'I,'" then who are YOU? You must be "you," but the "you," in this case is ME. So, what the HELL is "U" trying to say? Now, "U" is really irritating me!
Mr. U: What? This is preposterous! Are you, in any way, insinuating that "U" knows you better than "I" does? Why, I never heard of such silly garbage! You may as well say that "I" knows "U" better than "U" does, or that I know you better than "U" knows me.
End, for now.