The Court is now in session

Exhibit A. James is in love with Jesse. "Hooray!" cry Shippers from near and far as they watch over and over the episodes they taped of Jess and Jim acting shippy. Their faces light up with joy as they see James floating in the balloon toward the sunset, holding Jesse's hand and swearing that he'll never leave. Bollocks. In the English (key point there) version there is absolutly nothing shippy about 'the scene'. James comes back only because his parents kicked him out, "they wouldn't give me the inheritence" and he has nowhere else to go. The only slightly mystifying part is when Meowth runs after them yelling, "you forgot Meowth again!" AGAIN? So, they've done it before?!?! Tell us more Nyaasu... However in other languages, this is one MAJORLY shippy episode. In the original Japanese episode Kojiro says "I want to stay with you forever" and "I'll never leave you Musashi" instead of James' pathetic "they wouldn't give me the inheritence" and "'Double Trouble' time, right Jesse?". How romantic! But 4Kids are miserable bastards and don't like romance unless it involves the Twerps. And you know why? Because of ERIC STUART. Mr Stuart (I daren't call him Eric!) refuses to join the Shipping clan and wants James to be gay! Well, why not? He prefers Brock (how?!?!?) and thinks that Jess and Jim are just good friends. Good friends? Good fucks more likely. If Jess and Jim aren't in love then I still believe they're giving it to each other. Think about it... since they were 25 they have been circling the Twerps for 4 years. They have had little to no contact with other adults their age. I refuse to believe that Jess and Jim have been celibate for four years. They have to have been fucking someone. Each other. Conclusion: James is often requested to have relations with his co-worker Jessica for the sake of the team. The relationship is strictly business. Exhibit B. James is a cross-dresser. And this means he's gay? All men at one stage in their life jump onto a stage and launch into 'I will survive' wearing a sequin gown and their mum's pearl earrings. Does this mean they're gay? Jesse frequently dons trousers and moustaches but no one has concluded that she is a lesbian. Stop picking on Jimmy! And you can put it this way; James cross-dresses for a living (entertainment). And so do many other people: Barry Humphries - Dame Edna Everage Kathy Burke - Perry from Harry Enfield and Chums Paul O'Grady - Lily Savage Female Chihuahua - Male Chihuahua from the Taco Bell advertisments They're all at it and they're all straight! (I'm not sure about Paul) And although we heard James say "next time we steal men's clothes" angrily in 'The Misty Mermaid', we all know that was totally out of character and that he loves it really! Conclusion: James' love for tight yet airy clothing is greater than your prejudice against entertainers. Ah hell, he's gay. Exhibit C. James' voice. Thus enters my 'Homer Simpson' debate. Dan Castellatenlata (I'll be damned if I'm gonna try and spell that) provides the voice for Homer. Originally it was deep and slurred to match his drunk dominating placement in the family. Ted Lewis played James for the first 12 or so eppys (many claim that he was terrible because it wasn't quite 'James' enough, but I think it was a sexy voice in its own right). His voice was more menacing and unfeeling than Eric Stuart's version. Mr Stuart mutated James' voice into what he felt suited the blue-haired Adonis. Gay. The more and more camp he made James seem, the more camp phrases that the writers added to James' extensive script. Innuendo was born! Coincidently, the same happened to Homer. Castaletalta...etc decided to slightly change Homer's voice and it accidently turned feminine. So the writers gave Homer gay situations and gay phrases to enhance his new voice. Yet another example of voice over madness. Conclusion: Dan and Eric are evil bastards who abused their vocal powers. Good for them! Exhibit D. The Manga. Ah yes. What 'Is James Gay?' debate would be complete without using the Pokémon manga (a Japanese comic series that are usually very beautifully drawn) as a defence. For those of you unaware of the manga story here is a brief summary: A ten-year-old boy named Ash Ketchum finds a Pikachu chewing at his electrics under his floorboards. He is persuaded by Oak, Mum and Gary (and his sister, May, whom he fancies - Ash not Gary) to take the little bastard on as a Pokémon and to train as a Pokémon Master. The rest of the story is loosely based on the series and ends with James confessing his undying love for Jesse and the two of them leaving TR, marrying and getting pregnant. There are a few reasons why this is actually NOT a strong argument. No. 1 - The manga is loosely based on the series. Very much is different i.e. Misty and Ash flirt more, James speaks a lot of French, TR has cooler gadgets, Togepi and Wobuffet are never featured, Ash's Pokémon are different (and he names them - Felix the Caterpie, Fearless the Fearow, Pikachu is called Jean-Luc; a joke for Trekkers) and Misty has breasts. There is no proof that the storylines will cross in this part. No. 2 - Toshihiro Ono (the manga artist) was forced to finish his series earlier than he had intended and made do with a quick 'easy-fix' storyline that didn't fit in with the rest of the story. *Note: Ono had to finish because he refused to change his style of drawing, even though parents felt it *ahem* enhanced certain parts of the female characters. In other words...their BOOBIES, HOOTERS, BONGOS, MELONS, JUBBLIES, DIRTY PILLOWS, TITS, BREASTS etc. In defence of the manga, there is a hilarious part in their first appearance where Tommo the Kangaskhan Kid thinks that Jesse is a Pokémon and tries to ride in her pouch only to be distraught to discover that she hasn't got one. Ever the optimist, he clings on her front. She runs around squealing, "Get him offa me!" and James chases after them yelling, "You-you cad! I wanna ride too!" In the original version, Tommo tries to BREASTFEED from Jesse. No doubt that Kojiro's reply was still similar to James. @_@ You Cad! Got milk? Conclusion: Toshihiro Ono was desperate to make amends for his 'talent' and was forced to finish the manga with a schmukky, fairy-tale ending which totally goes against our anime version of James. Tut. Exhibit E. Stuart Vs Lillis Well, Mr. Stuart may think that James is batting for the other team, but Rachael Lillis begs to differ. From what I've heard, she's an avid shipper. The question is... who has more power over the script writers? Stuart could slip a few bucks into the big Boss' hand and tell him to "buy something pretty" in exchange for a nice, dodgey ending to the series. Or perhaps Rachael has a Japanese penpal who is plotting to break into the writers' homes and demand that they write only shippy episodes from now on or they'll have little smiles slashed into their throats. Ahem. I guess the only way we can know what the writers shall bring is through Stuart and Lillis, not because of them. Pity. I'm sure that Stuart would be quite skillful at verbal manipulation. He could put a hidden message in one of his new songs and send it to the Japanese writers and they could start making exceptionally dodgey episodes where Meowth is Ash's father and James becomes a member of Moulin Rouge and... Sorry, I was getting carried away! ^_^ Conclusion: Stuart is winning so far. Exhibit F. James is too perfect Sensitive, rich, slightly intelligent but not too brainy or thick, pretty, toned and all-round good guy. So there must be something wrong. You know the saying: "If he's not married, then he's gay." And too right. James is a catch. Personally I like men how I like my coffee. ^_~ Conclusion: If he's not taken, then he's definately gay. Exhibit G. James is bisexual That explains everything! He's a gay man with heterosexual tendancies. Bisexuals tend to lean more in favour of same-sex relationships but often explore the opposite sex for a change. And this leaves the future undecided. Will James end up with a female or a male life partener? Will it be Jesse or Butch? Tune in next time for 'Pokémon - Uncut'. Conclusion: James is testing the water. For now... Exhibit H. He's a typical villain All male (and quite a few female) villains must be European (usually English) and/or homosexual. Prime examples are Vegeta (DBZ/GT), Damien (Charmander episode), Bill the lighthouse keeper (I reckon he was a baddie really), Dilandau (Escaflowne). So he's gay by force. Damn you corporate cliche-creating whores! Conclusion: He's gay because of public demand. Exhibit I. James' lovers James has had many male and female love interests. Whether it's that he likes them or they like him, love is always in the air and it smells of blue hair. Conclusion: Love is in the air, and it's bisexual

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