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I don't remember much from my
childhood, but I'm told that I was born on the thirtieth of
January, in the year of our Lord 1980. The location was the
nativity wing of the Lakeshore General Hospital. As I have no
direct evidence of this, I am forced by philosophical
considerations to conclude that this is untrue, and that my
so-called "parents" are liars. A much more
tenable hypothesis is that I was created fully formed at the
biological "age" of five years, when my first memories
originate. The next few biological "years" passed very
quickly, as evinced by the large gaps in my memories from that
period. It must be noted that much documentation currently in
existence is in error on numerous points. Some of it even claims
to originate from before I was supposedly born! How am I
supposed to believe that things "existed" prior to my
mind's presence? Are they supposed to have some sort of
independent reality associated with them?
Now that these obvious
misrepresentations have been refuted, we can turn to more
concrete matters. The most common label used to denote me
is "Matthew McEvoy". I'm sometimes given the
impression that I have two siblings, one male and one female.
Referring back to the first paragraph's arguments, we can see
that it is evident from first principles that these two siblings
are younger than me. A more nebulous argument lies in the fact
that I recall being taller than both of them during my years of
physical maturation. I am occasionally told that I can play the
violin more proficiently than the average person, and this might
be due in part to the fact that I practiced on a regular basis
for a decade or so. Then again, it might not. I am also led by
certain individuals (supported by documentary evidence, to
be sure) to believe that I have received advanced training in
two related fields of esoteric symbol-manipulation which are
commonly known as mathematics and physics.
I like the way that the two dominant
colours on this page go together.
| This is a picture
of me. It is obviously not me myself (see René Magritte's
"Ceci n'est pas un pipe" for further eluci-
dation of this point), but is merely a fairly accurate
visual representation of me. |
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| These are my
"interestingly" coloured eyes. I would
appreciate it if you kept your cries of "Freak!"
to a minimum. |
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