a good weekend, 24 June 2003

penganggur, 19 June 2003

fenham's house of the year, 16 June 2003

the atheist theology student who was found by God, 13 June 2003

my dentist, 12 June 2003

symbolism, 11 June 2003

foundations, 10 June 2003

english people, 8 June 2003

fun in the park, 2 June 2003

discovering heaton park, 30 May 2003

english summer, 29 May 2003

the end of degree, 27 May 2003

Tuesday, 24 June 

wow... ee von, you're not the only one to feel that the last weekend has been extra long! i feel like so much has happened as well! last friday's chinese christian fellowship had been quite a good one, thanks to cynthia and eugene chan who did a brilliant job. it really taught me a lot of things and helped me with my focus and altho not very obvious, but i learned a lot from mickey, pastor desmond and john tai ko as well!

we debated on the topic on 'whether christians should go clubbing'. it was sure a heated one, where different people shared such opposing opinions. my opinion? i don't think it's wrong, but i think it would be dangerous to do so. but i won't get into it, becoz i've argued with so many different people about it. but i remember how nicholas yee and tien ming would point out the dangers of it, which convinced me not to go clubbing unless it did affect my friends negatively. but after last friday, i doubt i'll ever be able to go clubbing with an easy conscience! it would eat into me, the idea that i would be a hypocrite.

anyway, on saturday nite, i opted to go to maarten's (a friend from the netherlands) place for his bbq party in heaton instead of going to the funfair in the exhibition park with people like hui min, leo and welson, becoz i don't spend as much time with my friends from church as i do with those from the chinese cf.

i fried fish and prawn crackers, which i brought from malaysia for them in the afternoon. but when my flatmate and her friends came back, they finished half of it! and an hour before i was supposed to go for the bbq, i had to fry the remaining crackers. everyone seemed to like it though! even before the bbq officially started, the crackers were all gone! i remember how my mom forced me to take the dried crackers with me before i came to uk, but i'm so glad she did now! and becoz i ate quite a bit of the crackers as i was frying them, i went to bbq full!

then on sunday, after the evening service, christina, leo, li yuan and i went to hui min and ming's place in fenham for dinner. when it was finally prepared, we started eating at 10! by that time everyone was starving and the food tasted so much better! it was quite fun, since everyone was so comfortable with each other. christina's from hong kong, and she definitely helped my cantonese in one nite! i realised that even though hui min and li yuan has helped me a lot, when the conversations gets tough, i revert back to english, but with christina, i force myself a lot more and realise i just need to push myself a bit.

hehe... overall, it was a good weekend!

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Thursday, 19 June

i went with li yuan today to look for jobs in jobcentre. there were some pretty interesting ones, but i've given up expecting to find a job, and just focused on sending in my resume and applying for as much job as possible. at least if i don't get it, i won't be as disappointed as i was before.

guess my mom sensed my disappointment before, and told me to take things as it comes and not let it be daunting for me. i somehow wished i had been a lot more persistent in looking for jobs months before. but well, i guess i wouldn't have even if i could go back in time. classes, studies and other things seemed to take so much of my energy then.

i've just realised how pampered i've been before, and for the first time opened my eyes to the fact that i won't have things falling on my lap all the time, which was the case before. and at least i'm not the only one unemployed at the moment! i've still got friends who are in the same boat!!

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Monday, 16 June

the weekend has been quite good, with hui min and ming moving into their new house in fenham. the place is beautiful, reminds me of a catalogue out of ikea. not as fantastic, obviously, but you could definitely pick out that most of the furniture came from ikea, one, because of its aesthetics, and the other because of its quality, which is quite mediocre. hope hui min's shelves stay put. 

yesterday, they had their house warming party, which was quite fun. i remember looking around so many times and just filled with such warmth, because i have found such a great bunch of friends, who feel so comfortable with each other and especially having the friendship of such fantastic people.

we also celebrated ming's birthday yesterday, and the last few birthdays, mine and li yuan's, the guys put up some silly performance. so this time, the girls took the lead to put up some performance for the birthday boy. i'm sure ming thought he enjoyed it, but wait till he watches what really went on when he was blindfolded from alvin's camera!! ming was spot on with 'juicy lipz', but just who was the real 'juicy lipz'? ;)

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Friday, 13 June

John Powell a professor at Loyola University in Chicago writes about a student in his Theology of Faith class named Tommy:

Some twelve years ago, I stood watching my university students file into the classroom for our first session in the Theology of Faith. That was the first day I first saw Tommy. My eyes and my mind both blinked. He was combing his long flaxen hair, which hung six inches below his shoulders.

It was the first time I had ever seen a boy with hair that long. I guess it was just coming into fashion then. I know in my mind that it isn’t what’s on your head but what’s in it that counts; but on that day I was unprepared and my emotions flipped.

I immediately filed Tommy under "S" for strange ... very strange. Tommy turned out to be the "atheist in residence" in my Theology of Faith course. He constantly objected to, smirked at, or whined about the possibility of an unconditionally loving Father-God. We lived with each other in relative peace for one semester, although I admit he was for me at times a serious pain in the back pew.

When he came up at the end of the course to turn in his final exam, he asked in a slightly cynical tone: "Do you think I’ll ever find God?"

I decided instantly on a little shock therapy. "No!" I said very emphatically.

"Oh," he responded, "I thought that was the product you were pushing."

I let him get five steps from the classroom door and then called out: "Tommy! I don’t think you’ll ever find him, but I am absolutely certain that He will find you!" He shrugged a little and left my class and my life.

I felt slightly disappointed at the thought that he had missed my clever line: "He will find you!" At least I thought it was clever. Later I heard that Tommy had graduated and I was duly grateful.

Then a sad report, I heard that Tommy had terminal cancer. Before I could search him out, he came to see me. When he walked into my office, his body was very badly wasted, and the long hair had all fallen out as a result of chemotherapy. But his eyes were bright and his voice was firm, for the first time, I believe. "Tommy, I’ve thought about you so often. I hear you are sick!" I blurted out.

"Oh, yes, very sick. I have cancer in both lungs. It’s a matter of weeks."

"Can you talk about it, Tom?"

"Sure, what would you like to know?"

"What’s it like to be only twenty-four and dying?"

"Well, it could be worse."

"Like what?"

"Well, like being fifty and having no values or ideals, like being fifty and thinking that booze, seducing women, and making money are the real ‘biggies’ in life."

I began to look through my mental file cabinet under "S" where I had filed Tommy as strange. (It seems as though everybody I try to reject by classification God sends back into my life to educate me.)

But what I really came to see you about," Tom said, " is something you said to me on the last day of class." (He remembered!) He continued, "I asked you if you thought I would ever find God and you said, ‘No!’ which surprised me. Then you said, ‘But he will find you.’ I thought about that a lot, even though my search for God was hardly intense at that time. (My "clever" line. He thought about that a lot!) But when the doctors removed a lump from my groin and told me that it was malignant, then I got serious about locating God. And when the malignancy spread into my vital organs, I really began banging bloody fists against the bronze doors of heaven.

But God did not come out. In fact, nothing happened. Did you ever try anything for a long time with great effort and with no success? You get psychologically glutted, fed up with trying. And then you quit.

Well, one day I woke up, and instead of throwing a few more futile appeals over that high brick wall to a God who may be or may not be there, I just quit. I decided that I didn’t really care ... about God, about an afterlife, or anything like that. "I decided to spend what time I had left doing something more profitable. I thought about you and your class and I remembered something else you had said: ‘The essential sadness is to go through life without loving. But it would be almost equally sad to go through life and leave this world without ever telling those you loved that you had loved them.’ "So I began with the hardest one: my Dad. He was reading the newspaper when I approached him."

"Dad". . .

"Yes, what?" he asked without lowering the newspaper.

"Dad, I would like to talk with you."

"Well, talk."

"I mean. .. It’s really important."

The newspaper came down three slow inches. "What is it?"

"Dad, I love you. I just wanted you to know that." Tom smiled at me and said with obvious satisfaction, as though he felt a warm and secret joy flowing inside of him: "The newspaper fluttered to the floor. Then my father did two things I could never remember him ever doing before. He cried and he hugged me.

And we talked all night, even though he had to go to work the next morning. It felt so good to be close to my father, to see his tears, to feel his hug, to hear him say that he loved me. "It was easier with my mother and little brother. They cried with me, too, and we hugged each other, and started saying real nice things to each other. We shared the things we had been keeping secret for so many years. I was only sorry about one thing: that I had waited so long. Here I was just beginning to open up to all the people I had actually been close to.

"Then, one day I turned around and God was there. He didn’t come to me when I pleaded with him. I guess I was like an animal trainer holding out a hoop, ‘C’mon, jump through.’ ‘C’mon, I’ll give you three days .. .three weeks.’ Apparently God does things in his own way and at his own hour. "But the important thing is that he was there. He found me.

You were right. He found me even after I stopped looking for him."

"Tommy," I practically gasped, "I think you are saying something very important and much more universal than you realize. To me, at least, you are saying that the surest way to find God is not to make him a private possession, a problem solver, or an instant consolation in time of need, but rather by opening to love. You know, the Apostle John said that. He said God is love, and anyone who lives in love is living with God and God is living in him.’ Tom, could I ask you a favor? You know, when I had you in class you were a real pain. But (laughingly) you can make it all up to me now. Would you come into my present Theology of Faith course and tell them what you have just told me? If I told them the same thing it wouldn’t be half as effective as if you were to tell them."

"Oooh . . . I was ready for you, but I don’t know if I’m ready for your class."

"Tom, think about it. If and when you are ready, give me a call." In a few days Tommy called, said he was ready for the class, that he wanted to do that for God and for me. So we scheduled a date. However, he never made it.

He had another appointment, far more important than the one with me and my class. Of course, his life was not really ended by his death, only changed.

He made the great step from faith into vision. He found a life far more beautiful than the eye of man has ever seen or the ear of man has ever heard or the mind of man has ever imagined.

Before he died, we talked one last time. "I’m not going to make it to your class," he said.

"I know, Tom."

"Will you tell them for me? Will you . . . tell the whole world for me?"

"I will, Tom. I’ll tell them. I’ll do my best."

So, to all of you who have been kind enough to hear this simple statement about love, thank you for listening. And to you, Tommy, somewhere in the sunlit, verdant hills of heaven: "I told them, Tommy . ... ...as best I could."

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Thursday, 12 June

i got a call from my dentist from malaysia last tuesday nite on my mobile phone. yup, my dentist from malaysia actually called me!! actually, he's francis' father, and he came to london on some matters, and called me to know more about northumbria university since francis is considering it. it was quite nice actually, to talk to uncle kheng, it made me feel very much like a close family friend. when i go back to malaysia, i think i have to visit a lot more families than just individual friends!

and ee von seems to think i'm turning a little brit-like, with the words that i use. i gotta admit i picked up some british habits though... like the love for a good cuppa tea, milk but no sugar!

oh yes, and did you know jane fonda is a Christian now? i found it in a website that investigates e-rumours.

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Wednesday, 11 June

i came across a great book in the city library quite accidentally, on symbolism. heheh... i'll admit, it was actually becoz of the pictures that made me borrow the book, even though i didn't know what it was actually about.

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Tuesday, 10 June

for these three days, from monday to wednesday, jesmond parish church (jpc), which is the church i attend here in newcastle, is having foundations, seminars in Bible knowledge, Bible study and the Bible itself. it's been really good actually, and i am just so impressed with this church and the people in it.

it's one of those churches that just increase peoples' desire for God and for His Word. so that says a lot about how amazing it really is. what's even more amazing is how this traditional anglican church of england can be so filled with the Holy Spirit, and so vibrant and excited for God. i've learned so much from them, and from the people in it.

i still find english people very cool and reserved, and it's really not just becoz i'm an asian. my european friends seem to find them equally as hard to get to know. and although the english Christians are a lot easier to get to know, it is still quite hard to actually get to know them. it takes a lot of effort, but i guess luke dewing, an aussie guy who has successfully adapted to the malaysian culture, is my teacher in this.

but in the same way, it makes me realise how much i fall short as well, during my time in malaysia, when there were tons of foreigners, from indonesia, and china, who i could have been a lot nicer and a lot more accommodating, which i obviously wasn't. i guess it's one of those lessons you learn in life.

but after a while, you do get tired sitting back, resenting the fact that these english people couldn't seem to be bothered to be nice and to take the effort and forget your own reservations and just go out and talk to them. and some of them are really actually quite nice when you get past their defenses. and there are those people who just really are so brilliant, and really puts me back in my place for saying all those things about english people being hard to approach and reserved. 

people like d child, joe potter, ian garrett, lisa... they are just so brilliant and amazing. advice for anyone coming to england for further studies, it takes lots of patience and perseverance to get to know english people, and this is coming from a girl who never had problems talking to people, for those who do know me well enough. unless you're lucky of course, then just really put in the effort to get to know their culture and adapt as much as you can, without compromising any principles.

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Sunday, 8 June

for the first time since i've been in newcastle, it actually rained, and i mean rained! not drizzled! and there was thunder as well! something i've not heard before in newcastle. then i had to walk to church for the evening service, but it was actually quite fun.

i tried so hard to hold up the legs of my trousers, and then suddenly, a van sped past and well, you guessed it, made my attempts futile and even seemingly stupid. but it was just brilliant, experiencing such a heavy downpour, kind of makes me miss malaysia a lot more.

evening service was really good as well. ian garrett is just such a brilliant preacher. the only downside of it was being cramped up in the pews with people with weird smells. it's the mixture of being wet and mixed with goodness knows what. yes, if you're reading this, i'm talking about you, sillitonga. kekeeke...

i got to know a german guy, robbie, better yesterday and talking to him made me feel something that is not very common for me, regret (i usually don't regret stuff, i might feel silly for some things i've done, but not usually regret). i regret not having met him months before and getting to know him for a longer period of time, becoz he'll be going back to germany end of this month. but well, if somehow something happens, he might be staying in malaysia for a while sometime next year, which would be brilliant if i'm back in malaysia at the same time. but i do feel a lil regret becoz i've gotten to know some people better and they are just simply brilliant. inh yuk, a dear korean bro-in-christ will be going back to korea this thursday, and i may or may not see him again.

d child embarrassed me a little tho (in a nice way). i was just talking to her and sharing with her how i did wish i could meet more people, but felt it a little hard to get to know english people, and she immediately went to look for people to introduce to me. and forced me to meet heather and her boyfriend paul, who i've actually met before, but they didn't remember. but they're really sweet and engaged to marry next year!! brilliant, isn't it? as it is, everyone is already telling everyone else in church about it, and now i'm even announcing it over the Internet.

one thing malaysians and english people share in common is the gossiping! seems like news here travels rapidly as well. even certain news about me seems to spread quite fast. but it's of coz just news, and not gossip, so it's all good. just that i have to deal with a lot of questions (btw, this bit of news concerns my plans for the future, which unless my dearest friends who i've e-mailed to have actually decided to spread it, would be something that is not confirmed yet, which is why i've been a little silent about it).

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Monday, 2 June

yesterday, the weather was so good! it was very warm, and very sunny, so we decided to spend the evening in heaton park. we had a bit of a picnic there, and yee kiat and michelle brought their bicycles, and other games. the good weather seems to draw out people like bees to honey, becoz the whole park seemed to littered with people, lying about everywhere. 

after spending a few hours in the park, all of us felt quite hot, sweaty and sticky and we headed to church, for the evening service. we might have reeked a little, but the people around us were nice enough not to comment on it.

ever since secondary school, i seem to have a problem of staying tanned, so i doubt i grew any darker. even during college, when i got really burned from HELP's sports carnival, i grew fair in a matter of two weeks. 

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Friday, 30 May

you know how people have their good days and their bad days? i guess you could definitely say yesterday was not a very good day. but i find walking in the park has a very calming effect on me. the park isn't like the parks you find in malaysia, and it's very big, very beautiful. oh alrite, that's not very fair is it? since i did live in bangsar, much less in kuala lumpur, the city of concrete. i'm sure there are tons of lovely parks elsewhere.

anyway, as i said, the weather has been brilliant, and today very warm! i'm so glad i didn't bother with the jacket at all, becoz by the time i reached city centre, i was starting to perspire. and yesterday was slightly damp, but very cooling. and what was so incredible was, you see baby's breath growing everywhere and it's just so beautiful. i love baby's breath, which is so beautiful and delicate. i wanted to pluck a bunch of them and decorate my room with it, but i figure i would probably look a little silly walking along the streets on my way back with a bunch of it in my hands. i wasn't even sure if it was accepted that you could pluck flowers, since i haven't seen anyone actually doing it.

i was taking a nap this afternoon (do not criticize me for my laziness, since i've just finished my exams, i should be given the liberty for a little indulgence) and i was dreaming. it was kinda weird, coz i had all these pictures from my past pasted on my room walls and i was freaked out becoz somebody else did it, and i was wondering who knew my past so well, from my childhood to now. anyway, the weirdest part was when i was suddenly lifted off the ground, and i was immobilized, and i asked God where He was taking me. the next thing i knew, i felt like i was being sucked into somewhere, and when i stopped, i suddenly heard the music that was being played on my computer and i opened my eyes, saw it was 2.15pm, and thought it fortunate that i woke up just nice, in time to go out for a job interview. 

well, i thought that was pretty weird anyway.

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Thursday, 29 May

the weather has turned really warm, and wearing two layers can even make me feel a little sweaty. my english flatmate, nick, expressed his dislike for this kind of weather becoz he said that it makes him feel sweaty and sticky. my response to him?

'nick, you will never, NEVER, survive in malaysia'

i luv this weather, becoz for one, it's not raining as miserably as it was last week and that it is just perfect! you get a nice warm weather, which is not blistering hot like in malaysia, and not too cold, like how it was during winter.

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Tuesday, 27 May

i have finally finished with my degree last friday. and i mean everything! well, i still need to wait for the results of coz, but well, it's a relief knowing i'm done with studying for now! i don't think i did too bad for my exams, i know i certainly sweat less, especially compared to my friends doing law! poor souls... they look like their lives hung on a very fine thread that kept them from death.

last thursday, as i was studying with a group of friends, i felt this excitement building up, becoz i knew that the next day would be the last day. and even when i sat before the paper, when i looked at li yuan, i just felt this excitement mounting, knowing that in 3 hours time, it would be all over!

when it was all over, i felt like jumping and skipping about, although li yuan felt like punching somebody. go figure.

when i went to the chinese christian fellowship, both li yuan and i seemed to be full of energy! do you wonder why? but the poor law students, we were done and ready to party with the medic students who finished their exams a few weeks before but they still had one more week to go. still love gloating over those who have yet to finish, just for the cheap thrills!

the next day we went to the exhibition park to play basketball, and welson was the one encouraging people to go and when li yuan, jason and i got there, we were the only ones! we later found out that if we had not called welson and pushed him to quickly come, he was planning to continue sleeping. that silly idiot!

by the time sunday came, i was completely fizzled out from too much playing on friday and saturday! didn't stop the activities though, and went out with michael, simeon, anna, alice, mikey, fiona and hannah (hah! managed to remember all the names!) for a drink. it was fun getting to know more people from the church.

yesterday i went out with simeon and michael to the seaside for the fish quay (pronounced as fish key), which had some sort of festival, which is more for kids, with the rides, balloons, games, toys and all. and we spent the afternoon at the beach. there was a brilliant weather as well, especially since it's been raining everyday for the past week.

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