::Anarchy Page 2::

NOTE: WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS, THOUGHTS OR ANYTHING RELATED TO WHAT YOU DO. THIS IS SHOWN FOR EDUCATION PURPOSES ONLY, AND ITS YOUR DECISIONS WHICH MAKE THIS HAPPEN, NOT US!   01. Do you hate school?   One of my favorites for getting out of a class or two is to call in a bomb threat. Tell 'em that it is in a locker. Then they have to check them all, whilst you can slip away for an hour or two. You can even place a fake bomb (in any locker but YOURS!). They might cancel school for a week while they investigate (of course, you will probably have to make it up in the summer).   Get some pure potassium or pure sodium, put it in a capsule, and flush it down the toilet (smells awful! Stinks up the whole school!).   Use a smoke grenade in the hallway.   Steal the computer passwords & keys. Or steal the 80 column cards inside if they are (gag) IBM.   Make friends with student assistants and have them change your grades when the teachers hand in their bubble sheets for the report cards.   Spit your gum out on the carpet in the library or whatever and grind it into the carpet. Watch the janitors cry!   Draw on lockers or spraypaint on the building that the principal is a fascist.   Stick a potato in the tailpipe of the principal's car.   USE YOUR IMAGINATION!   02. Smoke Bombs   Here is the recipe for one hell of a smoke bomb!   4 parts sugar 6 parts potassium nitrate (Salt Peter)   Heat this mixture over a LOW flame until it melts, stirring well. Pour it into a future container and, before it solidifies, imbed a few matches into the mixture to use as fuses. One pound of this stuff will fill up a whole block with thick, white smoke!   03. How to make Napalm   1.     Pour some gas into an old bowl, or some kind of container. 2.     Get some styrofoam and put it in the gas, until the gas won't eat anymore. You should have a sticky syrup. 3.     Put it on the end of something (don't touch it!!). The unused stuff lasts a long time!   04. Making Plastic Explosives from Bleach by The Jolly Roger   Potassium chlorate is an extremely volatile explosive compound, and has been used in the past as the main explosive filler in grenades, land mines, and mortar rounds by such countries as France and Germany. Common household bleach contains a small amount of potassium chlorate, which can be extracted by the procedure that follows.   First off, you must obtain:   1. A heat source (hot plate, stove, etc.) 2. A hydrometer, or battery hydrometer 3. A large Pyrex, or enameled steel container (to weigh chemicals) 4. Potassium chloride(sold as a salt substitute at health and nutrition stores) Take one gallon of bleach, place it in the container, and begin heating it. While this solution heats, weigh out 63 grams of potassium chloride and add this to the bleach being heated. Constantly check the solution being heated with the hydrometer, and boil until you get a reading of 1.3. If using a battery hydrometer, boil until you read a FULL charge.   Take the solution and allow it to cool in a refrigerator until it is between room temperature and 0øC. Filter out the crystals that have formed and save them. Boil this solution again and cool as before. Filter and save the crystals.   Take the crystals that have been saved, and mix them with distilled water in the following proportions: 56 grams per 100 milliliters distilled water. Heat this solution until it boils and allow to cool. Filter the solution and save the crystals that form upon cooling. This process of purification is called "fractional crystallization". These crystals should be relatively pure potassium chlorate.   Powder these to the consistency of face powder, and heat gently to drive off all moisture.   Now, melt five parts Vaseline with five parts wax. Dissolve this in white gasoline (camp stove gasoline), and pour this liquid on 90 parts potassium chlorate (the powdered crystals from above) into a plastic bowl. Knead this liquid into the potassium chlorate until intimately mixed. Allow all gasoline to evaporate.   Finally, place this explosive into a cool, dry place. Avoid friction, sulfur, sulfides, and phosphorous compounds. This explosive is best molded to the desired shape and density of 1.3 grams in a cube and dipped in wax until water proof. These block type charges guarantee the highest detonation velocity. Also, a blasting cap of at least a 3 grade must be used.   The presence of the afore mentioned compounds (sulfur, sulfides, etc.) results in mixtures that are or can become highly sensitive and will possibly decompose explosively while in storage. You should never store homemade explosives, and you must use EXTREME caution at all times while performing the processes in this article.   05. Touch Explosives by the Jolly Roger   This is sort of a mild explosive, but it can be quite dangerous in large quantities. To make touch explosive (such as that found in a snap-n-pop, but more powerful), use this recipe:   Mix iodine crystals into ammonia until the iodine crystals will not dissolve into the ammonia anymore. Pour off the excess ammonia and dry out the crystals on a baking sheet the same way as you dried the thermite (in other words, just let it sit overnight!).   Be careful now because these crystals are now your touch explosive. Carefully wrap a bunch in paper (I mean carefully! Friction sets 'em off!) and throw them around.. pretty loud, huh? They are fun to put on someone's chair. Add a small fish sinker to them and they can be thrown a long distance (good for crowds, football games, concerts, etc.)   06. Diskette Bombs by the Jolly Roger   You need: - A disk - Scissors - White or blue kitchen matches (they MUST be these colors!) - Clear nail polish - Carefully open up the diskette (3.5" disks are best for this!) - Remove the cotton covering from the inside. - Scrape a lot of match powder into a bowl (use a wooden scraper, metal might spark the matchpowder!) - After you have a lot, spread it evenly on the disk. - Using the nail polish, spread it over the match mixture - Let it dry - Carefully put the diskette back together and use the nail polish to seal it shut on the inside (where it came apart). - When that disk is in a drive, the drive head attempts to read the disk, which causes a small fire (ENOUGH HEAT TO MELT THE DISK DRIVE AND FUCK THE HEAD UP!!). ahahahahaha! Let the fuckhead try and fix THAT!!! -Jolly Roger-   07. Letter Bombs by The Jolly Roger   - You will first have to make a mild version of thermite. Use my recipe, but substitute iron fillings for rust.   - Mix the iron with aluminum fillings in a ratio of 75% aluminum to 25% iron. This mixture will burn violently in a closed space (such as an envelope). This bring us to our next ingredient...   - Go to the post office and buy an insulated (padded) envelope. You know, the type that is double layered... Seperate the layers and place the mild thermite in the main section, where the letter would go. Then place magnesium powder in the outer layer. There is your bomb!!   - Now to light it... this is the tricky part and hard to explain. Just keep experimenting until you get something that works. The fuse is just that touch explosive I have told you about in another one of my anarchy files. You might want to wrap it like a long cigarette and then place it at the top of the envelope in the outer layer (on top of the powdered magnesium). When the touch explosive is torn or even squeezed hard it will ignite the powdered magnesium (sort of a flash light) and then it will burn the mild thermite. If the thermite didn't blow up, it would at least burn the fuck out of your enemy (it does wonders on human flesh!).   NOW that is REVENGE! -Jolly Roger-   08. How to make a CO2 bomb by the Jolly Roger   You will have to use up the cartridge first by either shooting it or whatever. With a nail, force a hole bigger so as to allow the powder and wick to fit in easily. Fill the cartridge with black powder and pack it in there real good by tapping the bottom of the cartridge on a hard surface (I said TAP not SLAM!). Insert a fuse. I recommend a good water-proof cannon fuse, or an m-80 type fuse, but firecracker fuses work, if you can runfast enough. Now, light it and run like hell! It does wonders for a row of mailboxes (like the ones in apartment complexes), a car (place under the gas tank), a picture window (place on window sill), a phone booth (place right under the phone), or any other devious place. This thing throws shrapnel, and can make quit a mess!!   -Jolly Roger-   09. How To Terrorize McDonalds by the Jolly Roger (Originally an Apple ][ file so excuse the upper case!!!) NOW, ALTHOUGH Mc DONALDS IS FAMOUS FOR IT'S ADVERTISING AND MAKING THE WHOLE WORLD THINK THAT THE BIG MAC IS THE BEST THING TO COME ALONG SINCE SLICED BREAD (BUNS?), EACH LITTLE RESTAURANT IS AS AMATEUR AND SIMPLE AS A NEW-FOUND BUSNESS. NOT ONLY ARE ALL THE EMPLOYEES RATHER INEXPERIENCED AT WHAT THEY'RE =SUPPOSED= TO DO, BUT THEY WILL JUST LOOSE ALL CONTROL WHEN AN EMERGENCY OCCURS....HERE WE GO!!! FIRST, GET A FEW FRIENDS (4 IS GOOD...I'LL GET TO THIS LATER) AND ENTER THE MCDONALDS RESTAURANT, TALKING LOUDLY AND REAKING OF SOME STRANGE SMELL THAT AUTOMATICALLY MAKES THE OLD COUPLE SITTING BY THE DOOR LEAVE. IF ONE OF THOSE PIMPLY-FACED GOONS IS WIPING THE FLOOR, THEN TRACK SOME CRAP ALL OVER IT (YOU COULD PRETEND TO SLIP AND BREAK YOUR HEAD, BUT YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY DO SO). NEXT, BEFORE YOU GET THE FOOD, FIND A TABLE. START YELLING AND RELEASING SOME STRANGE BODY ODOR SO =ANYBODY= WOULD LEAVE THEIR TABLE AND WALK OUT THE DOOR. SIT 2 FRIENDS THERE, AND GO UP TO THE COUNTER WITH ANOTHER. FIND A PLACE WHERE THE LINE IS SHORT, OR IF THE LINE IS LONG SAY "I ONLY WANNA BUY A COKE" AND YOU GET MOVED UP. NOW, YOU GET TO DO THE =ORDERING= ...HEH HEH HEH. SOMEBODY =ALWAYS= MUST WANT A PLAIN HAMBURGER WITH ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ON IT (THIS TAKES EXTRA TIME TO MAKE, AND DRIVES THE LITTLE HAMBURGER-MAKERS INSANE)..ORDER A 9-PACK OF CHICKEN MCNUGGETS...NO, A 20 PACK...NO, THREE 6 PACKS...WAIT...GO BACK TO THE TABLE AND ASK WHO WANTS WHAT. YOUR OTHER FRIEND WAITS BY THE COUNTER AND MAKES A PASS AT THE FEMALE CLERK. GET BACK TO THE THING AND ORDER THREE 6-PACKS OF CHICKEN ETC....NOW SHE SAYS "WHAT KIND OF SAUCE WOULD YOU LIKE?".OF COURSE, SAY THAT YOU ALL WANT BARBECUE SAUCE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS WANTS 2 (ONLY IF THERE ARE ONLY 2 CONTAINERS OF BARBECUE SAUCE LEFT).THEN THEY HAFTA GO INTO THE STOREROOM AND OPEN UP ANOTHER BOX. FINALLY, THE DRINKS...SOMEBODY WANTS COKE, SOMEBODY ROOT BEER, AND SOMEBODY DIET COKE. AFTER THESE ARE DELIVERED, BRING THEM BACK AND SAY "I DIDN'T ORDER A DIET COKE! I ORDERED A SPRITE!" THIS GETS THEM MAD; BETTER YET, TURN DOWN SOMETHING TERRIBLE THAT NOBODY WANTS TO DRINK, SO THEY HAFTA THROW THE DRINK AWAY; THEY CAN'T SELL IT. AFTER ALL THE FOOD(?) IS HANDED TO YOU, YOU MUST =NEVER= HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY. THE CLERK WILL BE SO ANGRY AND CONFUSED THAT SHE'LL LET YA GET AWAY WITH IT (ANOTHER INFLUENCE ON HER IS YOUR FRIEND ASKING HER "IF YOU LET US GO I'LL GO OUT WITH YOU" AND GIVING HER A FAKE FONE NUMBER). NOW, BACK TO YOUR TABLE. BUT FIRST, SOMEBODY LIKES KETCHUP AND MUSTARD. AND PLENTY (TOO MUCH) OF NAPKINS. OH, AND SOMEBODY LIKES FORKS AND KNIVES, SO ALWAYS END UP BREAKING THE ONES YOU PICK OUTTA THE BOX. HAVE YOUR FRIENDS YELL OUT,"YAY!!!!! WE HAVE MUNCHIES!!" AS LOUD AS THEY CAN. THAT'LL WORRY THE ENTIRE RESTAURANT. PROCEED TO SIT DOWN. SO, YOU ARE SITTING IN THE SMOKING SECTION (BY ACCIDENT) EH? WELL, WHILE ONE OF THE TOBACCO-BREATHERS ISN'T LOOKING, PUT A SIGN FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM SAYING "DO NOT SMOKE HERE" AND HE'LL HAFTA MOVE...THEN HE GOES INTO THE REAL NON-SMOKING SECTION, AND GETS YELLED AT. HE THEN THINKS THAT NO SMOKING IS ALLOWED IN THE RESTAURANT, SO HE EATS OUTSIDE (IN THE POUR- ING RAIN) AFTER YOUR MEAL IS FINISHED (AND QUITE A FEW SPLATTERED-OPENED KETCHUP PACKETS ARE ALL OVER YER TABLE), TRY TO LEAVE. BUT OOPS! SOMEBODY HAS TO DO HIS DUTY IN THE MEN'S ROOM. AS HE GOES THERE, HE STICKS AN UNEATED HAMBURGGR (WOULD YOU DARE TO EAT ONE OF THEIR HAMBURGERS?) INSIDE THE TOILET, FLUSHES IT A WHILE,UNTIL IT RUNS ALL OVER THE BATHROOM. OOPS! SEND A PIMPLY-FACED TEENAGER TO CLEAN IT UP. (HE WON'T KNOW THAT BROWN THING IS A HAMBURGER, AND HE'LL GET SICK. WHEEE!) AS YOU LEAVE THE RESTCURANT, LOOKING BACK AT YOUR UNCLEANED TABLE, SOMEBODY MUST REMEMBER THAT THEY LEFT THEIR CHOCOLATE SHAKE THERE! THE ONE THAT'S ALMOST FULL!!!! HE TAKES IT THEN SAYS "THIS TASTES LIKE CRAP!", THEN HE TAKES OFF THE LID AND THROWS IT INTO THE GARBAGE CAN...OOPS! HE MISSED, AND NOW THE SAME POOR SOUL WHO'S CLEANING UP THE BATHROOM NOW HASTA CLEAN UP CHOCOLATE SHAKE. THEN LEAVE THE JOINT, REVERSING THE "YES, WE'RE OPEN" SIGN (AS A REMINDER OF YER VISIT THERE YOU HAVE IT! YOU HAVE JUST PUT ALL OF MCDONALDS INTO COMPLETE MAYHEM. AND SINCE THERE IS NO PENALTY FOR LITTERING IN A RESTAURANT, BUGGING PEOPLE IN A PUBLIC EATERY (OR THROW-UPERY, IN THIS CASE) YOU GET OFF SCOT-FREE. WASN'T THAT FUN? --------------Jolly Roger   10. Fun at K-Mart by the Jolly Roger Well, first off, one must realise the importance of K-Marts in society today. First off, K-Marts provide things cheaper to those who can't afford to shop at higher quality stores. Although, all I ever see in there is minorities and Senior Citizens, and the poor people in our city. Personally, I wouldn't be caught dead in there. But, once, I did. You see, once, after The Moon Roach and Havoc Chaos(Dear friends of mine) and I were exploring such fun things as rooftops, we came along a K-Mart. Amused, and cold for that matter, we wandered in. The Tension mounts. As we walked up to the entrance, we were nearly attacked by Youth Groups selling cheap cookies, and wheelchair sticken people selling American Flags. After laughing at these people, we entered. This is where the real fun begins... First, we wandered around the store, and turned on all the blue lights we could find. That really distracts and confuses the attendents...Fun to do... The first neat thing, is to go to the section of the store where they sell computers. Darkness engulf the earth the day they find Apple Computers being sold there. Instead, lesser computers like the laughable C-64 can be found there...Turn it on, and make sure nobody's looking...Then, once in Basic, type... ]10 PRINT "Fuck the world! Anarchy Rules!" (or something to that effect.) ]20 GOTO 10 and walk away. Also, set the sample radios in the store to a santanic rock station, and turn the radio off. Then, set the alarm for two minutes ahead of the time displayed there. Turn the volume up all the way, and walk away. After about two minutes, you will see the clerk feebly attempt to turn the radio down or off. It's really neat to set ten or more radios to different stations, and walk away. One of my favorite things to do, is to get onto the intercom system of the store. Easier typed then done. First, check out the garden department. You say there's no attendent there? Good. Sneak carefully over to the phone behind the cheap counter there, and pick it up. Dial the number corrisponding to the item that says 'PAGE'... And talk. You will note that your voice will echo all over the bowels of K-Mart. I would suggest announcing something on the lines of: "Anarchy rules!!" ---------------Jolly Roger   11. ANARCHY RELATED - THINGS TO DO IN A PARK   Welcome all u evil-doers to another text from Anarchists Anonymous. This one is entitled " Anarchy-Related things to do in a Park." This is very useful if one day yer bored and you want to go piss people off. The text has been divided into two parts: Day Time Phun, and Night Time Phun. This was necessary because some of the ideas are not the brightest friggin thing to in the broad daylight. Or some of the things in the daytime don't work in the night. L8r... -------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------  DAYTiME PHUN 1. Simply getting a gang of people, going to a park where little kids are play- ing, and hogging all the equipment is a real piss-off, to both the kids and the supervising parents. Maybe if yer lucky, one of the parents will complain to you and yer gang. Then you can have fun and insult them during your fight with them. Eventually, you will chase all the parents away. 2. During yer stay at the park with the kids and parents, you can use immense  quantities of abusive language. ( In other words, swear until your tongue falls off.) But don't direct it at the kids, unless absolutely necessary,  because one of the parents will probably say something like " Don't talk  to my son/daughter that way!" and ask for yer address. Leave the scene with out giving NE namez. If you are forced to, use some lamer's name. 3. If there are kids around but no parents, start a fight but don't throw the first punch. That way, if the kids goes off and cries to his mommy, you can say he/she threw the first one. This is enjoyable and fool-proof, and you get to see the kid get in trouble by his parents. If you want, you can start laughing at him while he is promptly verbally bashed by the old crone. 4. Setting small fires with newspapers in the parks is often really cool. Just set fire to it, and walk away. The people hanging around will probably spaz and try to put it out in many different and often creative wayz, such as  dipping a kid in sand and drowning the flame, or getting the fattest bitch  there and crushing the entire park. :) 5. If you want to enhance idea numero 4, you can line a trail of papers all over the park--around the park, through the sand, down the slide, etc. Coat the papers in gasoline, and lite one end. Almost instantly the papers will go up and the park will be ablaze, neatly and in a line of course. If there is a forest or something nearby, hide in it and make sure you can see the park  clearly, so you can also see the havoc displayed. (Firemen, police, worried neighbours, and maybe even an ambulance!) 6. You could just write generally disgusting or funny pictures and/or messages  on the wood or slide. Influence the kids that go there to become Anarchists because kids are vulnerable to such ideas at young ages. Remember, the more the merrier!  7. Burn large holes in the top and bottom of slide, so the kids get to the  bottom of the slide a lot quicker. Also you could burn neat designs into the slide, such as a pentegram, an Anarchy Symbol, or the ever famous phrase: PIGS CAN KISS MY ASS! 8. Cut the chains on the tire-swing, just enough so that the next person who  uses the tire-swing will get a shock from the fall, and a headache from the chains collasping on their head. This will also force the injured person(s) to sue the city's parks and rec department, and then the parks and rec will  spend even more money replacing the damaged material. 9. Hold Satanic meetings and sacrifices in front of all the little ones and the parents. Decaptation of goats and small calves is especially cool, because  those are two of the most blood-containing animals on the planet. Aim the  fountain o' blood at some old bag who's babysitting one of the kids. Don't  forget to sacrifice the naked virgin! };) 10. Stroll around the park (and the city) for hours on end in the typical nazi position, which is: right hand in the air, small fake black moustache, the  arm patch, and the docs with red laces. Also shout Hail Hitler! in perfect syncronization so it sounds like you're all reminants of the german army  or really screwed up. If your lucky, others will join in. ------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- NiGHT PHUN 1. If you can get a hold of an air wrench, this is definately a great thing to do. Get a group of friends who are really strong, and take the air wrench to the park. Now remove the bolts on the side of the slide that attach it to the wooden frame of the park. You and yer really strong friend would now proceed to take the slide out of the park, and into a lake somewhere. Don't forget to write THIS WAS DONE BY and then someone else's name, just to get them blamed. 2. If yer friends are REALLY REALLY strong, or you can steal or get a pickup truck, you can also take the actual wood from the frame and put it in the  back of the pickup truck. Also take the slide and the swing, and dump it ALL in the friggin lake.  3. Burn the park. Simple, yet effective, plus it also attracts many sleepy and unhappy neighbourhood parents. It also pollutes and attracts many "authour- oties" and others. Get out the eggs and whip them from a far distance and be prepared to hide or run! 4. Using the Air Wrench, if you got one, and yer big friends, you can absolutely rearrange the park! Just un-wrench all the bits, and place em in a different position, Such as putting three or four bits o' wood at the end of the slide so the kids have a big pile up because nobody can get through!! Maybe a 2 or 3 deaths or injurys/suffications may occur if nobody notices after a while. 5. If you happen to dislike a few little people or just wanna have plain fun, grab three or four kids and hide em in the forest until late at night. Your identity should be hidden-- if the kids get loose they can arrest you. NEway, Tie the kids to different poles of the park and leave them there overnite. Leave maybe a slice of pizza in the middle of the park, that way at least you can say you fed them. If you really hate them you should tie them to the  piece of wood that travells horizontally about 10 ft in the air--it should be the one that holds the swing. Beat em dizzy if ya want. 6. Create the park a really unstable hellhole. Use your air wrench or just  regular old power tools or axe or whatever--just make sure it can cut through and/or remove the bolts. If you got an air wrench, loosen every single bolt in the entire park, and then unscrew them even more, so a couple of shakes and steps will make it dislodge itself from it's resting spot and the kid(s) will very much hurt after a while. If you just have a saw, axe, or power tool simply cut enormous holes and gaps in everything there. Take the swing too. 7. Coat the park in a thick layer of tar. This way, by the time somebody notices the black park, it will be too late. The park will be concrete--completely ruined. This will cost the local Parks & Rec department a fortune to replace, and it will be a fortune they don't have it you do it to every park in the city over a period of several days. They will probably go bankrupt, and have to cause a hell of a situation to get back in business, all because of you and your friends. That just sounds cool, doesn't it? _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-__-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ That's all 4 now! I got quite a lot out of this one, compared to what I thought I would...9500 instead of 6000. Not bad, I think. I think this is our 4th pack, and we're still going, so keep reading and keep killing and keep robb- ing and keep breaking...well, you get it. L8r. GReeTZ go out to: úùAnarchial Artistùú Konichiwa. úùGuileùú Poor Scot (face,hair) úùObi Wan Kenobiùú Nice MISC.TXT úùMyxzuùú K-RAD name! úùCthuluùú Welcome 2 da Group And to NEbody else I missed out!  úù::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::ùú   12. FUN AT CAMP   Well, its me.. Your good pal and Anarchy writer DiLiTHiUM here. Some good news.. I am now a part of -AA-!! I guess SOMEONE liked my writing better than my .MODs! Anyhow.. Before I go into this month's instalment on how to wreak havoc at someone else's expense, I'd like to say one thing... FUCK YOU!! There! That made both of us a LOT better now, didn't it? Anyhow.. I am right now taking a break studying for my Chemistry exam.. Hey, one can take only so many moles times the number of electrons, you know! After playing around with Doom I decided to write a little for -AA-, you know.. get a better rep with -AA-'s upper hierchy! So.. Enough shit.. Lets get into it! But first a poem.. I blazed up his pretty garden At school I kicked his ass I torched dogshit on his doorstep I bleached FUCK YOU! in his grass I broke all his windows  I Toilet Papered his yard I gave his name to Jehovah's Witnesses  I put chickens in his car. I did everything i could to hum What a saucy devil am I! But one thing I can't do Is remember the hell why.. And now.. FUN AT CAMP!! Well, its about 5 months until summertime. What comes with the last day of school? Sadly, the end of intra-school Anarchy. So, put away your exploding pencils and penshooters for a few months and break out those tools of fun that are best used on boring family camping trips! Yes! And you thought that it was all fishing and boating! Well, after you leave your modems and the rest of civilization to embrace nature and all of its natural splendour, pack an extra duffle bag filled with the goodies that will make it the best summer vacation ever! (For you and your buddies, at least..!) PHASE 1 - BE PREPARED The Boy Scouts perfected the art of camping.. And they also coined a pretty legit motto for our purposes. After all, I thought it would tie in the outdoors theme of this text quite well!  Anyhow.. Here are the things they you will be needing for a fun and exciting camping trip! Water Pistol - Stronger the better.. But don't fill it with water! Hydrochloric Acid - Raid the school's chem lab before you leave! M-80's - A must for any excursion! Black Powder - Also essential! Chewing gum - Handy for making impromptu explosives, bonding, etc. Darts - Use with M-80's for missiles or for popping rubber rafts! Tabasco sauce - Assorted uses! Octsoplosive - See recipe below Caps - Optional, but useful! Condoms - Not just for fucking! Stink Bombs - Fun for a laugh in the latrine! Spraypaint - Fun! Aerosol can of something - Nature's flamethrower Matches - For above & forest fires Lighter - A must for any trip! Survival Knife - Fun to bring along! String - Useful This is a partial list! Feel free to bring along anything else you wish.. And now.. PHASE 2 - PLANNING FOR THE ATTACK One of the worst thing that can happen to the outdoor Anarchist is being discovered, either your folks or the cops or whatever find your stash of goodies and your vacation is ruined. One needs to plan ahead. For example, divide your stuff into caches and hide around the forest. Such places include: Rock grottos, man-made holes, outhouses, etc. Try not to leave everything in one spot. Also.. Its a good idea to boobytrap the area so no roving trailblazer or one of god's little creatures discovers your stash and walks away with all of the appendages he came up to it with.  Be creative! It takes one's personal flair to create the perfect hiding spot. PHASE 3 - TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS Here it is, boys and girls! How to use all of the items that you lugged along with you! Remember, this stuff just CRIES OUT for your personal touches! But first: OCTOSPLOSIVE This handy explosive base is easy to make & process.. NEEDED: Gasoline Varsol Black Powder Ground up aspirin Battery Acid First, combine some Gasoline and varsol. In a separate area grind up the aspirin and combine it with the batter acid and black power. Add the mixture to the Gas/Varsol soup. Viola. Instant base. To make a sort of plastique mix it with vasoline and baby powder. If you leave it as is you can make molitov cocktails, ect. Just shake well to keep it well mixed. The plastique is very useful, but a bugger to handle and set, since the stuff doesn't mix very well. But its fun to play with. ITEM 1 - Instant explosives! These are designed for people who want to make explosives on the spot, and don't have time for buying m-80's. Type 1 - Chewing gum bomb: Chew up a few things of gum until the flavour is gone (No reason for this, it just seems like a shame to waste all that good gum!). Then put some black powder and/or octosplosive in the gum and stick some string in it. Then cover it up, so its like a little deadly perogie with a wick. After you are done stick the sucker anywhere and light the fuse!  Type 2 - Flying M-80's! Get a dart and tape a few M-80's onto the fins. Put about 3 on there so its balanced. After all, it SHOULD fly in roughly a straight line! Light the fuses and throw at something that the dart will stick to, such as a tire, a tent, a thigh, etc. POW!! You will be the envy of all muslim extremists that happen to be camping with you at the time! Item 2 - General Mischief  This is pretty fun. Outhouses: Most roughed-in ones have big pits where all of the shit sits. Now.. All of that shit might get rather old, you see. And human shit can give off Methane when it rots, you see. Methane is a flammable gas! Just toss down a few M-80's and run like hell! After it goes, POW! Shit & shitter everywhere! Or you could grab your tabasco sauce and dab some on the toilet paper in the kaibo. Soak some through so it gets all in it. Tabasco + Sore asshole from shitting & hemmroids ----> FIRE UP YOUR ASS!  Another fun thing to do in the outhouse while YOU are taking a shit (Besides masturbating) is to piss on the paper (After you are done with it, of course!) so the next person gets a nice surprise!  Another way to have fun is to place a large, heavy rock on the 2 bars that prevent large stuff such as animals from falling into the shit. Balance it so the next turd that hits it sends it falling into the pool of crap. Splooooosh! You figure the rest out.. Also.. You can shit, piss or ejaculate onto the toilet seat itself, so the next midnight shitter gets a little present when he sits in the seat in complete darkness. Swipe the toilet paper and use it for yourself so the poor rat with your body fluids on his buttocks has to go down to the lake to get the stuff off! Okay, boys n' girls! The piece of resistance! Get your hammer for this one! Go to the outhouse and take apart the box with the toilet seat on it (The one you sit on to shit!). Don't fall in the hole! Now take all of the nails out and put it back together, just enough so it stands on its own. The next person who flops down on it to take a shit will get more than he bargained for when he is head over heels in the swill! Just imagine the screams of terror as your latest victim plummets toward a smelly, sticky, rat-laden fate! HAHAHAHAA!! But remember folks.. This only works on the homemade wooden kaibos, not the plastic rent-a-loos you see in the yellow pages. Speaking of which, some of the more modern blue plastic Johnny-on-the-spot type toilets have running water pump stations and urinals inside them (Even I was duly impressed by the millions of dollars that the teams of scientists put into these things so you can have a better shit than at home. Even so, i'd still rather be taking a dump on my white ceramic Crane at home than slapping my ass onto one of these blue static electricity generators. It took about 10 mins. to get my pubs from sticking straight up. But I digress..) You don't usually see these blue babies at "Ed & Mona's Vista Hideaway", but keep this little gem in your head the next time you go to your little brother's Tee-Ball game. Excuse yourself and lock yourself in. (A little sign that says "Occupied" slides into place up when you lock the door. You can have fun with that if you want, like making your own little sign. But thats something you can do on your own). After you piss or whatever, flush the urinal. You might notice a little plastic pipe carrying the water that cleans the urinal. Remove the flusher knob and pipe from the urinal bowl and place it on the roof. Get a string and attach it to the flush knob so it hangs beside the urinal. Make a sign saying "Pull string to flush" and attach to wall. Then leave. The next person goes in, sees string & sign, and then proceeds to give string a yank. Said person gets water on head. End of story. Next: fun at the beach. This is the best part of any holiday! Just think! The only thing between you and a great time is 2 mm of fabric! The old gags such as cutting bikini straps and copping a quick feel while they are asleep just doesn't cut it anymore. So why don't you leave the poor guys alone (hah! Cheap shot on you!) and concentrate on making the holiday more fun for you, and less for others. The first thing you can do in the water is to whip out willy and piss under someone. They will think they hit a 'warm' spot and stay while your urine surrounds them. After enough of that fun test your dart game at inflatable rafts, water wings, life rings, you name it. Or you can swim under small children and lead them out to deep water by gently nudging their life ring while keeping concealed. Or you can freak out a few people by floating a life raft with a stuffed pair of pants floating beside it. It'll piss of the lifeguards who think its someone who drowned. Or you can swim by the docks and take revenge on that bastard who buzzed you with his 2 million horsepower boat awhile ago. Get your rope and tie one end to the bottom of the dock, sunken boat, old anchor, etc. and attach the other to the engine, hull, you name it. Make sure to conceal the rope so it looks like an innocent string of seaweed. So the next time he blasts out of the slip at high speed to go pussy-poke his girlfriend on the high seas, pow! No more boat! There are more conventional ways to sabotage his nacelle, such as sugar in the gastank or lead weights in his life jackets, but you get the picture.  Another fun thing to do is load up your water rifle (Battery Powered Enertech or SuperSoaker 1000+ are the best) with Acid, Tabasco, Urine, etc. The shoot it at people! Climb up a tree and snipe other campers! The acid burns! The Tabasco irritates! The piss smells! Anything would work! The acid would eventually eat the plastic, so don't leave it lying about.  Assorted Fun: - Slash tents at night and pour your tabasco onto the faces of  sleeping victims! - Snakes in Sleeping bags! - Stinkbombs in tents! - Attract bears & coons by spreading their food all over their campsite! - Put a wasp's nest in their canoe! - Put a hole in their canoe! - Put poison ivy in their sleeping bag! Well, I'm dry. Until next time, Keep F.I.T & have fun.   RECIPES FROM AC2000 AND OTHERS