The Clacker Cove Herald - issue 3
Hello again everyone, well what can I say, Mr. Coppercock has really pulled out all the stops. My retirement windmill is complete. It was all a bit odd to be honest, he seemed to be doing nothing, regularly blowing me raspberries when I asked him to do something, but then that rather scary man Professor Lorks and a few of his odd looking friends (Iím sure one of them was a barrage balloon) went to visit him. The next few days Mr. Coppercock worked like mad, to be honest he looked terrified of something. Anyway, I moved in yesterday, put Colin in a nice fish tank by the window, and am now sitting in comfort atop a large bag of wheat. What could go wrong now, enjoy the rest of the paper, here are the contents :
Betty Nut Archive - An archive of swearing and puerile humour
Its Agony with Captain Peter Arse - When the cloak of depression descends, and you are left cowering in the corner crying out mummy, its so dark and I'm cold, then let our resident agony uncle help you out.
Take Part In Art With Mart - He's a preening, pompous, pretentious, priest of art and he's got his own column, yeah!
Points of reply - erm, here is your chance to tell me what you think. I'm afraid you'll have to speak through Professor Lorks, he is the only one in Clacker Cove with an internet connection. Unfortunately he's a complete loon, and scares the shit out of me to be honest.
E W Trumptons - from the boundary edge - Halcyon memories of summers past
Clifford Smiths Weird World - Blimey that's a bit odd
Hmm, Colin has demanded his own slot, never have I met such an opinionated crustacean :
"Thanks Betty, so our roads are congested eh, and global warming is on the increase, eh. Why donít these so called experts get us all to leave our fridge doors open during the day, eh? These so called experts just donít think things through, donít let the bastards grind you down. That's all I've got to say"
Squeak, hello I am meek mink, I love you all, peep, please be my friend. Here are the links, mmwwwaahhh
Moose Mansions - Enter the mansion and enjoy, but remember, always wash your hands after leaving.
Ohhh matron you are visitor number
I the reader, promise and do solemnly swear to bring no legal action against Mr.Nut, for any grave offence I may take from reading the articles included forthwith, forsooth and fourth bridge. I will not under any circumstance blame the author for my arms getting longer, and I will attach no blame whatsoever to the sordid tales contained within, for any hideous genital rashes, impotence or webbed fingers that may occur as a result of reading them.
This web site has been brought to you, using the energy obtained, from two tramps pushing each other around in a wheelbarrow.