Second Burghclere Mummer.
BURGHCLERE MUMMER
HAMPSHIRE
Introduction.
The following version, which is apparently traditional in the village, was found by F. C. Hutchins (address, Lime Works, Burghclere) 'in his box'. He sent it to Mr. Tiddy with a letter in which he said: 'We were often asked for this piece when we went round afterwards, but we used to have fresh chaps nearly every year and of course they did not know it and I could not find it. I do not know where it came from first, but I have had it for years.'
Father Christmas wore a mask and a long cloak with pieces of wadding sewed on it. St. George was dressed as a soldier. The Turkish Knight, whose face was blacked, wore a turban. The Doctor and Jack Viney were dressed alike, wearing top-hats, breeches, and stockings. Johnny Jack wore an old cap and old clothes, and the Old Woman was dressed as a woman.
The Play.
Father Xmas.
In comes I old Father Xmas, welcome in or welcome not I hope old Father Xmas will never be forgot. Xmas comes but once a year and when it comes it brings good cheer. Roast beef plum pudding strong ale and mince pies who likes that better than I. Now I have brought some gallant men with me that will show you some great activity. Activity of youth, activity of age, such acting as you have never seen or heard upon a stage for they have fought in battles great and in battles small, and now ladies and gentlemen you shall see which is the greatest of them all.
St. George.
In comes I St George, that noble knight who have fought great men of old, for I cared not if they were so strong as a lion and as bold for with my broad sword in my heand I won [£10000 in gold it was I that fought that fiery dragon and brought him to a slaughter and by that great deed I won the King of Egypt's daughter. Manhood so free a valiant of old I conquered Nations while I remained in the army till I resign I still remain the Champion.
Turkish Knight.
In comes I the bold Turkish Knight just come from that foreign land to fight St George that noble knight of old and if his blood runs hot I will quickly make it cold.
St. George.
Hold on Turkish Knight thou talks very bold, draw thy sword and fight or draw thy purse and pay for satisfaction I'll have of thee before thou goes away.
Turkish Knight.
Satisfaction, no satisfaction at all I'll battle thee to see who on this ground shall fall.
St. George.
Battle to battle with thee I call to see who on this ground shall fall.
Turkish Knight.
Battle to Battle with thee I play to see who on this ground shall lay.
Turkish knight is wounded on the knee.
Father Christmas.
Stop, Stop, St George thou hast wounded this good man. Now can you find a doctor that can cure this wound for him.
St. George.
Yes, Father, I'll go and get a doctor that will heal this wound.
St George goes out and comes back with a doctor.
Father Xmas.
Well doctor and what canst thee do?
Doctor.
I can cure the itch the stitch the palsy and the gout, the pain within and the pain without bring me an old woman fourscore and ten if she 's nor a tooth in her head I'll bring her round young and plump again.
Father Xmas.
Then cure this man.
Doctor.
If he'll take one of my tic tolerune pills and use a little of this ointment he will be well enough to fight again.
St. George and Turkish knight fight again and Turkish Knight is wounded again.
Father Xmas.
Dr, Dr, cure my son which lies wounded and bleeding on the ground.
Doctor.
I am sorry father but it is beyond my powers bringing dead men back to life again.
Enter Jack Viney.
Doctor.
What 's thy name ?
Jack Viney.
Jack Viney a man of fame comes from Spain do more than thee or any man again.
Doctor.
Well Jack and what canst thee cure?
Jack Viney.
A magpie with the toothache.
Doctor.
How do you do that?
Jack Viney.
Cut off his head and throw his body in the ditch.
Doctor.
Well cure this man.
Jack Viney.
Give I my spectacles, give I my plyers, here's a tooth enough to kill any man but this one will cure this man and if he'll take one drop out of my drug bottle which is one pennyworth of pigeon's milk, mixed with the blood of a dying donkey, well shaken before taking, I'll be bound he will rise and fight no more.
Johnny Jack.
In comes I little Johnny Jack with my wife and family up my back and in my hand I hold a frying pan don't you think I am a jolly old man: my family large and I am small, a little if you please will help us all: the roads or dirty, my shoes are bad, so please put a little into my bag.
Old Woman.
Ah Ah Ah, in comes I as sent been it, with my big head and little wit, my head so big my wit so small I brought my fiddle to please you all. All blue sleeves and yellow lace now old boys we dance apace. Then we give a step dance and finish up by singing Carol Carol Christians carol joyfully carol for the coming of Christ Nativity go into the Forest when the myrtle grows where the pine and orle bends beneath the snow.
May God bless our friends here, with a merry merry Christmas and a happy New Year.
Found in:
Tiddy R. J. E. (1923) The Mummers' Play. Oxford University press.