Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scales; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said.
Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, He guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar. The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next.
"I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake. Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?" Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."
A young couple were making passionate love in the guy's van (you know, shag carpets, big double mattress in the back... all that) when suddenly the girl, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out "Oh big boy, whip me,whip me!"
The guy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips to hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip the girl until they both collapse in sado-masochistic ecstasy.
About a week later, the girl notices that the marks left by the whipping session are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor. The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks "Did you get these marks having sex ?"
The girl is a little embarrassed but admits that, yes, she did.
Nodding his head knowingly the doctor exclaims, "I thought so,because in all my years of doctoring you've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen."
A man goes to the doctor. He says: "Doc, I have this problem. I can't stop singing either 'The Green Green Grass Of Home' or 'Delilah.'"
The doctor says 'Sounds to me like you have a severe case of the Tom Jones.'
'Is it rare?' the man asks.
'Its not unusual' replies the doctor.
Source - Martin Churchill - Sun UK
A young woman married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She soon married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died. But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally croaked.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed to the Lord above, thanking him for this loving woman who fulfilled his commandment to "Go forth and multiply." In his final eulogy, he noted, "Thank you Lord, they're finally together."
Leaning over to his neighbour, one mourner asked "Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?"
The other mourner then replied... "I think he means her legs."
After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.
At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings.
As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice,
"Who was that?"
A man is sitting in a bar having a quiet beer on his own. He notices a strikingly attractive woman sitting alone at the bar who occasionally seems to glance his way. After half an hour or so, he finally musters the courage to approach her and sits on the bar stool beside her. "I wonder if I could buy you a drink?" he stammers nervously.
"NO I WILL NOT SLEEP WITH YOU" she shouts loudly. At this, everybody else in the bar looks around and the unfortunate man retires to a corner to hide behind his beer glass, deeply embarassed.
After another half hour, the woman quietly moves across to sit at the man's table. "I'm ever so sorry," she said "but I'm a postgraduate psychology student and I'm doing a study to look at the reactions different people show in an acutely embarassing situation. I hope you don't mind"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, $200 ?" shouted our man at the top of his voice.